Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 245

1000 replies

SamW98 · 14/02/2024 20:23

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

  1. Develop a thick skin.
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  4. Trust your gut instinct.
  5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  6. Know your worth.
  7. If it's not fun, stop.
  8. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
Bestlife18 · 24/02/2024 21:01

Superawkward · 24/02/2024 20:25

@Nosierosi I agree with everyone else. Most blokes in their 40s who do the whole climbing/biking/jet skiing/gym six days a week are single for a reason. I think a lot of then reek of midlife crisis TBH. They've fucked off and left ex wife with the kids while they live their adventurous lifestyle and shag lots of hot younger women. Is what they're hoping for anyway. According to a bloke I work with, all the 'alpha male/red pill' influencers tell men to use these photos to attract women. But yet I don't know one single woman IRL who is attracted to those kind of things.

This 100%!! I want to message them and say what woman do you think actually wants to do this stuff with you?! Take a friend! Pathetic.

RosieAway · 24/02/2024 21:06

@2anddone yay! Enjoy the high. Don’t be paranoid, you are also in the stage of sussing him out/working out if you’ll choose him…

Re the action men. Yeah seems to be a common issue - the 30 somethings want travel and adventure before they “settle down”, then the 40s and 50s who offload the children and all the mental load that goes with to the ex. Can’t help but feel it’s another area the bloody patriarchy are all over. And a reason I reckon that we as women are willing to give someone even “half decent” a shot. Agh!

That all said, I have a free night and an invite to go out to a cool place - but cannot muster the energy 😑

Superawkward · 24/02/2024 21:32

@friendswiththemonstera oh no! I'd hate to have someone that young match with me! Not something I'm comfortable with at all.

friendswiththemonstera · 24/02/2024 21:35

Superawkward · 24/02/2024 21:32

@friendswiththemonstera oh no! I'd hate to have someone that young match with me! Not something I'm comfortable with at all.

I know! She liked me not the other way round - I was mortified when I realised she was 20 and that meant she was closer to my daughter's age!!!

Starseeking · 24/02/2024 21:45

I'm going on a 3rd date tomorrow with Mr Pan, who I matched with in late January. Things have been going verrrrrrrrry slowly, as in 1st date was on 31 January, 2nd date last week Sunday, 3rd date this week Sunday. Each date has been great, and lasted 3-4 hours, but it's the times in between dates that have thrown me.

He texted mid week regarding timings for tomorrow, and there's been nothing else; no other calls or texts. It was the same communication style between dates 1 and 2, and when we casually discussed it he said he doesn't really like talking on the phone and is very functional with it (it's for making arrangements, not chit chat or getting to know each other).

He also mentioned on date 1 that he had some other dates already lined up, and that he was going to leave/delete the app we met on (Tinder) ad he'd seen enough, which he seems to have done (unless he just unmatched me lol!).

I've stayed on the apps, but haven't been keen to swipe on anyone else, as I felt the chemistry and connection with Mr Pan was so strong. First man I've felt like this with since splitting with my EXDP nearly 3 years ago,

I'm planning to bring up the frequency of dates and communication styles tomorrow, as seeing someone for only 4 hours a week just isn't enough for me, particularly as he's the only man from a total of 9 in about 8 months who I have wanted to progress beyond date 1 with.

We both have primary age DC, but I'm thinking that if we are going to give it a go, time has got to be made somewhere. He says he has his DC every weekend and works from home, while I have mine every other weekend, and work 4 days a week in office and one day from home.

I'm hopeful he gives me something to work with, as spending my week wanting to hear from him in some shape or form is not good for me! (He initially gave the impression he likes to initiate contact, so I've let it be, for the moment).

blacksocks33 · 24/02/2024 21:55

So I just wondered if anyone else can relate to this...

I never swipe for single dads. I'm a single mum myself so it's not that I have a problem with children. I'm not sure what it is. My ex was very bullish towards me and threatened me time and time over about taking my children away, to the point where I was diagnosed with ptsd and had to have trauma therapy! I just feel abit triggered at the thought of single dads.

Anyway... I'm having some time off the apps but I forgot about hinge. Someone swiped me and I thought I might aswell chat. Chat was actually nice, but now all of a sudden he's told me about his child and how he will fight to not be a weekend dad and he's his world etc. It's completely turned me OFF. I just can't seem to gel with this. Part of me thinks I'd have so much more in common with other parents but part of me is SO triggered. Does anyone get it?

I'm definitely felt going to have to put an end to this chat anyway. I don't need to be heating this after about 10 messages 🫠

blacksocks33 · 24/02/2024 22:03

I went on OLD last summer and spoke to someone for a month or so and I find it hard to not think about him still.
He was SO much fun to talk to. Didn't just ask me how I am or what I was doing.. genuine talk, interest and long messages. I put an end to it in the end because it just never went past talking... we never met!
I just want to meet someone where the chat is like that. Normal, happy, positive... not talking about fighting to see your children. It's really annoyed me for some reason 🙈
Someone else matched with me in hinge and just messaged me asking if I'm a baddie...... 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

Will I ever find the chatty, happy man?

RosieAway · 24/02/2024 22:04

blacksocks33 · 24/02/2024 21:55

So I just wondered if anyone else can relate to this...

I never swipe for single dads. I'm a single mum myself so it's not that I have a problem with children. I'm not sure what it is. My ex was very bullish towards me and threatened me time and time over about taking my children away, to the point where I was diagnosed with ptsd and had to have trauma therapy! I just feel abit triggered at the thought of single dads.

Anyway... I'm having some time off the apps but I forgot about hinge. Someone swiped me and I thought I might aswell chat. Chat was actually nice, but now all of a sudden he's told me about his child and how he will fight to not be a weekend dad and he's his world etc. It's completely turned me OFF. I just can't seem to gel with this. Part of me thinks I'd have so much more in common with other parents but part of me is SO triggered. Does anyone get it?

I'm definitely felt going to have to put an end to this chat anyway. I don't need to be heating this after about 10 messages 🫠

Ooh I hear you. Don’t mind single dads but after having similar abuse and trauma to you, whenever a man starts to talk like that, talk down about his ex or taking the children…. well, it’s the only time I feel it’s ok to ghost. I see it as LEARNING rather than being triggered. You’re right to end it now, well done

blacksocks33 · 24/02/2024 22:11

@RosieAway oh I'm glad to hear that someone what it, although given the circumstances, I'm sorry that you do ❤️
He told me that he had the child on the weekend and then goes to his ex's house during the week tk put him to bed.
Absolutely no way would I get involved in that. The. Saying he'll "fight" to not be a weekend dad.
What an absolute mess!

What do I do? Just unmatch 🤷🏼‍♀️ it's a shame as I was enjoying chatting to him before.

It's just such a trigger point for me, but how can I write of parents when I am one myself 🤷🏼‍♀️

Superawkward · 24/02/2024 22:17

@blacksocks33 I think it's difficult in that kind of situation with your history. If his behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable, then you don't need to stay in contact with him.

I have to admit I am wary about single dad's, purely because I don't want to be blending families in anyway whatsoever. Unfortunately, my own experience with single dads in real leave has always been that they move on quickly because they want another woman to care for the kids.

RosieAway · 24/02/2024 22:18

@blacksocks33 do you have to write off all single parents? I’d be open to a lovely calm dad who had utmost respect and a good relationship with his ex? Not all will be a mess? I’m only wary of the manipulative/misogynist ones…

blacksocks33 · 24/02/2024 22:26

@RosieAway no I definitely felt don't want to write them all off. If the situation was healthy and stable then I wouldn't have a problem with it. But despite moving on from my own trauma the scar wounds are always going to be there and I just always feel abit uncomfortable when they start talking about custody etc! I always find that the dads act like they need to prove something... does that make sense?
My situation ended over 4 years ago and I'm completely moved on and over my ex. But the ptsd still lingers and I get the ick when they start being OTT about their kids....! Sorry I feel like I'm waffling 😂 I have a therapy session on Tuesday... I think I'll bring ir up then 😂

Itssnotunusual · 24/02/2024 22:56

I'm taking a break from dating and OLD after the end of things with Mr American. Unfortunately I still have to see him moping about 2x a week despite being the one that ended things with me- VIA TEXT. Though the annoyance of him breaking up with me like that has successfully warded off any sadness about the break up- I just think he's a bit of a pillock now and I'm quite glad it ended sooner rather than later if he thought that was remotely appropriate!

I'm currently placating my desire to not be alone forever by nursing a slightly ridiculous and inappropriate crush on a member of staff at my adult learning college. He's a bit dreamy (and I'm getting the vibe the interest is mutual) so the efforts to rid myself of said crush have been unsuccessful thus far. So not really dating but my brain isn't out of the game either 😅

Itssnotunusual · 24/02/2024 23:00

RosieAway · 24/02/2024 22:18

@blacksocks33 do you have to write off all single parents? I’d be open to a lovely calm dad who had utmost respect and a good relationship with his ex? Not all will be a mess? I’m only wary of the manipulative/misogynist ones…

Edited

That describes my ex partner perfectly. We're definitely friends now and have regular catch ups outside of co parenting our toddler, with the both of us having moved on 100% from the relationship (we're much better as friends with a child in common- terrible in a relationship as our goals/ priorities were dis aligned over the years)

NervesOfCotton · 24/02/2024 23:02

2anddone Lovely update! I'm really glad that it went so well & that the communication is carrying on afterSmile

2anddone · 24/02/2024 23:47

Thanks @NervesOfCotton we had a really nice time and have been messaging on and off since he got on the train home.
Hopefully I will see him soon...we didn't discuss our next meeting as was a bit busy saying bye 😉😳he ended up having to almost run for the train🤣

Chocolatefreak · 25/02/2024 04:27

@2anddone great update! @blacksocks33 I met a single dad, he is a lovely, responsible gentle guy and his son chose to stay with him, which I believe. Romantically I'm not interested but this fact makes me respect him more, not less. My point being, there are some good ones out there.

I'm still ambivalent about Mr Peru. I think it's maybe the fact that everything in his life is so sorted that puts me off?! My own life is quite chaotic and disrupted and so perhaps I want someone who can empathise...

Mr Wildlife has been away on holiday and hasn't messaged for three days, I'm feeling a bit disappointed because it was a good chat and surely he has time to send just a quick message?!

Loopylooni · 25/02/2024 06:44

@2anddone great update!

NervesOfCotton · 25/02/2024 07:05

I've not had the best experiences with single dads, they either have their mums do most of the actual looking after of the child, so just don't 'Get it' how it is to do it alone, or they want to meet with the kids instantly because 'Its easier', or expect a huge amount of praise for doing the exact same thing that I'm doing, because they are male.

Chocolate freak I know what you mean about MrPeru, I stopped chatting to one like that once. Everything seemed so 'together', & he also had no dreams or wishes for the future, because he apparently had loads of money, everything was just 'Well if I want it I buy it' etc.

Probably sounds silly written down but it really put me offGrin

SamW98 · 25/02/2024 08:26

@occhiazzurri

Im 55 and I still regularly go to raves (though it’s day raving these days).

There's a lot of mature ravers out there and it’s possibly very different to how people imagine it.

OP posts:
occhiazzurri · 25/02/2024 08:33

@SamW98 very interesting to hear about the raves! I am always imagining East London raves involving drugs but haven’t actually been to one.

@NervesOfCotton - where are you meeting these solvent single dads whose lives are all in order? I am in London and I only meet single dads who are almost always broke/in dire financial situation and fairly chaotic lives.

SamW98 · 25/02/2024 08:39

Just seen one on Hinge put his answer to ‘My Simple Pleasure’ as a glass of red while getting a blow job

Sounds a charmer 🤣

OP posts:
whatsnext2 · 25/02/2024 09:07

SamW98 · 25/02/2024 08:39

Just seen one on Hinge put his answer to ‘My Simple Pleasure’ as a glass of red while getting a blow job

Sounds a charmer 🤣

Omg

Mckittens · 25/02/2024 09:15

@Starseeking I totally get that, I definitely need some level of interaction between dates, I don't need someone texting 24-7 but there has to be something to keep the connection going.

@blacksocks33 makes complete sense, of course it would be triggering, I think just blocking the ones that go on about getting custody of the kids or who refer to their ex as a narcissist (seems a common theme) is the way to go. I'm happy to meet another single parent but not if there is any acrimonious stuff in the background.

Mr Chatty hasn't messaged since he was on his date yesterday so I'm assuming it must have gone well which is good for him but also 😌 definitely back to the drawing board. Mr Basketball should in theory message today but I'm not feeling it.

@Chocolatefreak I relate, ideally Mr Wildlife should have sent a message, it takes less than a minute to send a quick how you going message.

Ive had a message on Match this morning - wanna fuck? 🤢🤢🤢🤢

I hadn't even liked them 🤦‍♀️

Mckittens · 25/02/2024 09:15

@2anddone that sounds like you had such a lovely date 😊

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread