Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I agree. It’s probably as simple as watching sport down the pub all weekend.

Livelifelaughter I had a second date which was pretty much identical to the first, coffee & a walk, it was just much less awkward feeling than the first one!

If you want more than that though, then why don't you suggest lunch or something else, during the day? Although trust your instincts, if you feel like he's cooling off a bit then you might be right.

@Livelifelaughter I think one of the hardest things about dating is fitting it in around your existing lives. Neither of you is wrong, you both have your own things you want to do and neither of you should have to give that up. But I do then think that does mean that you might not necessarily get a full on relationship. I'm happy to have someone to go out with a couple of times a week and then not see him again for five days. But I know that's not for everyone.

LittleFloatingGhost Is it your date this weekend? I hope it goes well

@Mckittens

Decided I’ll stay active but not be too busy on there. If I do match I’ll be upfront that I have a lot on but happy to meet for coffee or drinks after work or Saturday daytime.

This has always been my problem - got so much going on at certain times it’s a struggle to fit a man in

@Superawkward I think my issue is that I have literally accounted for each day and why I can't meet saying Sunday evening, even though it's really busy is the only time for me. He doesn't actually say what he is doing, it's more that. I had a lunch date a few weeks ago and I asked a guy what was a red flag to him and he said "Someone who just says they can't make it but doesn't say why"...

@NervesOfCotton I thought it would be nice to get to know him more to see if there's potential so I can take it or leave it. Maybe we are both cooling off. What's a bit odd is that he is free on his birthday to meet up!

I know but TBH I don't think I'd like someone wanting my itinerary at the early dating stage. Some times I just want to slump out in my PJs and I don't want some bloke muscling in on that TBH.

Ditto. Tbh what I’m doing in my free time is absolutely zero to do with someone Ive been on a couple of dates with. No one owes each other a detailed explanation as to why we’re not free, we’re just not because we have lives - end of story.

True...i matched with a guy ..he messaged few times a day . Then nothing. I just said hi ive not heard much from you.. you ok?
He just said hi.
i haven't time for it these flaky men. I just said i wondered if you were ok as you didn't reply to my last message...youre obviously busy so im going to leave it with you. Take care x
I think he was matching with others that were more him..thats fine..i hate the slow ghosting though. Honesty best policy. I just blocked him.
I matched with couple guys but they just seem like lazy wasters, new age ...cant do it

There was a man who I chatted to a while back, he said that he had a child but it just didn't seem true, & whilst I didn't care if he had a child or not, it was just a bizarre situation, so I unmatched.

He just popped up on Bumble & it says that he doesn't have kids. Instincts were right on this one! How weird! (I've hidden him)

Same...very busy

That is so weird. Things like this about the kids always ring alarm bells with me. Probably does have kids but doesn't see them and doesn't want the 20 questions about why he doesn't see him (cos he's a nonce/dangerous/deadbeat dad).

Superawkward He said that he had sole custody (young child) & nobody to babysit, we chatted for a few days & he kept listing this stuff that he was doing, like going to a club, late night swimming, adult theatre show etc, So I asked where was his child when he was doing all this stuff & he said something about 'Oh I usually sneak him in with me' (?!)

I only remember the details as I felt well & truly fooled, as well as freaked out!

@NervesOfCotton

Oh what a weirdo. There’s definitely some very strange people out there

Re guys lining up other dates. Think it’s ok and to be expected (especially when you are too and before the first meet) in OLD. Two guys I met were straight away clear about not seeing anyone else after our first meet, with one cancelling a date because we hit it off) but it’s not something I’d raise until maybe 3 dates in? Unless you REALLY hit it off.

That said, the guy who cancelled his other date and starting seeing me wouldn’t delete his profile. He said he’d deleted the app from his phone and didn’t use it so that was enough 😤🤯 - that caused massive trust issues for me and was the undoing of us. Now if I met someone online, think I’d always worry about that

@NervesOfCotton Yes, just heading there now. Feeling really nervous and I haven’t done previously. He isn’t local and has caught a train. Think I have exhausted my local dating pool 😅😂😂

@RosieAway
Totally agree it's to be expected that they will be arranging multiple dates. I can't cope with more than a couple of chats going on at one time but totally get that for others they will be chatting with more. I'd be upset about the not deleting the profile thing as well though after a period of time, if you are actually both committing to something with each other you'd want to be both deleting/ coming off. Can absolutely see why that caused trust issues.

@SamW98 I think being too busy for all of it is ideal as in you are far from
desperate and never going to settle for less than you deserve as you've got loads of other stuff going on. You also sound pretty ruthless at ruling out all the weirdos so you just need one good egg to come along. You never know it could happen!

I think I need to get better at weeding out early doors!

@LittleFloatingGhost
Good luck, hope it goes well for you 😊

Also, had a few matches I was speaking with but not progressed as one kept using “kul”, the other called me “dear” and the other lazily wrote “u”. Was honest when I said I was not feeling it 😅 Not too honest though - you gave me the ick!

littleFloatingGhost Little bit further away might just bring you that little bit of extra luck! (Here's hoping)

The new one that I'm chatting to is in my town but we are at opposite ends, which is perfect for me as I don't like to be too close! We have a possible date set for Wednesday.

@NervesOfCotton that is exciting. Like you, I don’t like to date too close! Lol

@Mckittens Thank you!🤩l

Well half a day back on the apps and it’s the same result (no pervs as yet 🤣)

Bumble - 300+ likes 3 matches

Hinge - 1 like 0 matches

SamW98 Where is everybody?!

I've got that one chat going & a second one in the match que, so that's better than I've done for the whole of February I think!