Fiancé told me he has gambling addiction.. now what?

[sosrol]

Hi, desperately looking for advice / support please.

I'm 28 and my fiancé is 27, we live with his parents at the moment while we are saving for a house deposit (hoping to have saved enough by the summer)

He has always been careless with money and never seems to have a penny left by the end of the month so always asks me to lend him money, but will never miss a night out with his friends - even if he has no money, he would rather borrow money off someone than not go out.

He regularly gambles on slot games on his phone, I have no idea how these work and he has always told me that it's not gambling and that he is playing with fake money (I feel stupid now)

Last night he has admitted to me that he has a problem and has deleted all of these apps from his phone, he is spending hundreds on these games hence why he is always skint! It has only hit home for him when he recently got declined for a loan from the bank because of his habit.

My question is, what now? Where do we go from here? I support him through all of his problems but am now feeling deflated like it's one thing after another. Will he ever change and am I being selfish for considering ending the relationship over this when I should be supporting him? I feel awful.

@sosrol what do you think about the advice those women who have been with gamblers are giving you? Ie - you know the tip of iceberg when it comes to how much he’s spent, it will ruin your life, etc….

Please do not marry this man. Life and relationships are hard enough without marrying someone with an addiction. It will destroy you.

Move on. Why have a lifetime of making him your project?

This man will bring you nothing but misery. Get out before he ruins your life.

Op please say you’re moving out. Sounds like he’s been lying to you and only cane clean as he was going to be caught due to the loan. You can’t trust him at all.

He does not sound financially trustworthy at all. Do not marry him, buy a house with him or have anything finically tied with him until if & when he sorts himself out. Coming from someone who made all of the above mistakes with ex DH. I left that relationship liable for £50k worth of debt let alone the month by month stress of whether he could contribute to cover bills etc

He's immature and still wants a party lifestyle which I get I was exactly the same at that age minus the gambling. He's not ready to be a grown up... Move on.

Your 28 and he is 27. Your living in his parents house so your expenses are a lot lower than someone paying rent, bills council tax ect. Meanwhile he is browning money from you till his payday. He told you he could not get a loan or overdraft recently for car repairs. Then he told you he likes to gamble possibly online, slots ect. He did not get these funds as he has a poor credit history, loans not paid off or credit card debit and his bank statements showing gambling websites.
If he could not get this loan/overdraft he won't get a mortgage.
Then at the weekends he wants to go out drinking with his friends like someone in their late teens or early 20's. He is an immature gambler and it won't get better.

I know a lady who married a gambler. He was living at home and some weekends he say to her he could not go out at the weekend because he was broke. They bought a house, got married and had kids. She opened their mortgage statement one day to see it was in arrears. He had also spent a lot of their savings. She had 3 kids and had to get money from her parents to keep the family home. She is looking constantly online at the bank accounts, mortgage account and is watching every penny closely.
Do you want a life like hers in the future?

Look at what you saved compared to him. I end things with him and tell him that you know he has a poor credit history due to not getting that loan recently and he has asked you for a lend several times. He knows your saving hard to buy a home but he is not giving up gambling or drinking like a teenager at weekends.

Move back to your parents and you can continue to save more to buy your own home. Even if you had to get a lodger to help pay your own mortgage it would be better for you.
Don't give up your savings, a chance of home ownership and a good future for this man.

Look at the post of the lady who ended a relationship with a gambler years ago. He is living in a council house and is still broke. Meanwhile she has a mortgage paid off, savings and investments.

“…just uses those silly gambling apps and goes on the slot machines when he's out, where he is obviously losing a couple hundred pounds a month and leaving himself short”

This is the tip of the iceberg, I promise you. He’s getting turned down for modest loans. There’s more to come out. Get him to do a check on Experian. That might be enlightening.

You’ve come for advice, so here’s mine:
Well done on saving for a house deposit, I hope you have control of this and he doesn’t have access.
if he is running out of money each month, how is he going to pay the mortgage, or is he going to leave that for you to pay?
Could you check your credit score to make sure he hasn’t run up debts in your name?

Please walk away
In fact,run
My ex is an alcoholic
He drained me dry-he'd run out of money and started on mine
Thankfully I wasn't daft enough to marry him but he left me in debt and ruined my life
It took me years to get back on an even keel again
He'd drink while I was begging to borrow cash to feed my babies and carried on drinking while I was walking round in clothes and shoes that where only fit for the bin
My family refused to help me (they wouldn't have helped in anyway as they are evil narc fuckers and I'm the scapegoat) as they could see what he was doing and drained me dry
Booze always came first-over me,his kids,his family-it was all about his next fix
Don't be me-grab your stuff and run out of that door

Some very wise women here-listen to them before it's too late

My question is, what now?

No question needed. You leave him. In fact, run!!

She hasn't posted since February so...

@Polarnight

Hope she did run.

I don't always look at the date when replying....

Just posting my experience.

This is the easy bit. You're not married to him or have kids and are living with his parents.
Move out and walk away while you can.
I once knew a chef with such an addiction he regularly walked out in the middle of lunch time service in the restaurant to put a bet on.
Came back 20 minutes later in a foul mood because he had lost yet another bet at the bookies.
This happened 4 or 5 times a day.
He was always going to win a fortune and buy his own restaurant, that was his dream......It never happened He ended up broke and divorced.
Run now while you still can.
Good luck.

Oops I didn't notice the date either
The advice stands.