Is it reasonable to charge my partner rent?

[Butterflygypsy]

I'm an older mum with grown up children and have been divorced for a few years. I'm very fortunate in owning my own home and the mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that expense to worry about. I live on my own. I don't earn much so my home is my only real asset.

I have a lovely partner who earns more than me and he's always rented so he doesn't own any property. He's thinking of moving in with me but he thinks it's reasonable that he pays half of the gas, electricity, council tax, etc, but no extra to cover the maintenance of the flat. I think he should pay more than just half the utility costs as he'll be saving money on rent where he currently lives and he will be causing wear and tear by being in the house. He doesn't think he should pay towards the upkeep of the flat as its my flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

Slippery slope springs to mind. You've been through a divorce, just be so careful or you'll find yourself in square 1 again. Does he have to move in with you? I'd want EVERYTHING in writing or he'll claim your assets and split them between him and his kids. Look after your children carefully as he sounds very shady imo.

You charging him to live there when you're no longer paying to live there iyswim feels a bit like profiting off Jim. It's meant to be a partnership not a business op.

So id say bills is proportional. If he earns 100k and you earn 50k, he pays 2/3rd of the bills. Joint account you both pay into and then a bit extra on top to cover repairs etc

But him living there rent-free is him profiting off her, surely?

No you're not being unreasonable. What he wants is to live rent free.
Well, we'd all like that wouldn't we?
Paying towards the maintenance of the home he lives in is a pretty basic thing.
Living together should save you both money.
He wants to save more by benefitting from your home for free. That's not ok.

When did this idea start to creep in that somehow paying rent for the roof over your head is being ripped off in some way or paying someone else's mortgage blah blah when it's a fairly basic thing to expect to have to pay. Roof over your head, food in your stomach, utilities. These are the very basics an adult needs to pay.

My point is that the STARTING point should be a man who wants to make his partner's life better/easier when he moves in. They might then discuss it and agree there are issues around cost/legalities etc. But that should be the STARTING point.

your post leaves a bitter taste, I get what you are saying but you are treating your relationship like a business transaction. I think he should be paying half of the bills, if he pays any rent it just feels like you are profiting from him - yes he will be better off not paying rent but you will be better off having half of your utility bills paid. You both benefit.

i think if anything he should maybe pay for other things like holidays or food shopping but to charge him rent just doesn’t feel like a partnership.

Stop spreading misinformation @merrywidow

From the law society website: If one person owns the property
You will not usually have any rights to the property if you don’t own the property or a share in it, unless you can prove you have:

• contributed to the deposit for the house or the mortgage payments, or
• made a financial commitment, like paying for major work on the house, with the understanding that you would own a share of the house

This means if you split up and you are not the owner you have no right to continue living in the property. And unless it’s left to you in their will, you won’t automatically inherit the property if your partner dies. If you agree that you should both have a share in the property, you can transfer the property into a joint tenancy. A solicitor can help you do this.

https://www.lawsociety.org.uk/public/for-public-visitors/common-legal-issues/cohabitation-your-rights

@didthosefeetinancienttimes regardless of potential misinformation, all it takes is a legal challenge to mess up someone's life even if the grounds are shaky. The Op needs to prepare legal documentation if she chooses this route before letting someone move in. At least then it is documented

I think you are being slightly unreasonable in that I would expect half the utilities definitely but in terms of wear and tear and house upkeep I would not expect 'rent' from a partner.
However I would expect if you are a couple and the boiler goes, you each pay half, if the kitchen needs done you both pay half etc...

You can't just say it's rent and all sorted!

Do they have a rental agreement? Do they have any exclusive possession? Do they have any notice rights. It's fairly clear to prove they are your partner and sharing your bedroom. Therefore they claim they thought the £1000om was paying the mortgage and giving them sone share!

And also consider tax if you charge rent.

I think in mumsnet world your decision not to charge rent to protect yourself makes the man at fault and a stingy cocklodger

somehow

Not if he has a rent book. Not romantic, but very sensible if you own a property.

Can you set it up like that when you can (presumably) easily prove you're in a committed partnership and sharing a bed?

I doubt it.

There is a compromise. It doesn't have to be "pay rent" or "cocklodger".

How about asking him to make a contribution towards running and contributing and the upkeep of the household and wording it like that.

So you just say "It'll be £500 a month plus half of all bills if you want to move in. to be clear, the £500 isn't rent, it's a contribution towards maintaining and upkeeping the house".

But if he pays for half the kitchen, he's helped improve the house, hasn't he?

Would you pay half the cost of a kitchen in a home that you didn't own?!

Gosh, so many posts! Thank you all for your responses. It's interesting to see how widely your views vary.

As a bit of background, my partner and I are in our mid 50s. He's mainly lived in council accommodation so had very cheap rents and enjoyed spending his income on his hobbies once his children grew up and he wasn't paying maintenance. I don't know why he never thought about buying his own home before, I guess he never saw any need. In my mind I don't think he was particularly financially responsible until he met me four years ago. He seems to have settled now and is thinking more of his future and financial needs.

I am probably over cautious when it comes to money. When I met my ex husband I was young and naive and wanted to share everything. I put more money into our properties than he did but when we divorced he got half of the equity so it has made me careful (bitter?) about leaving myself open to financial risk. Experience takes some of the romance out of relationships!

You've give me an awful lot to think about. I think for the time being I'm going to continue to live on my own. If I change my mind in the future and he still wants to move in then I'll have a lodger agreement drawn up.

I agree with you - live on your own and just see him when you like. I bet in a couple of years you'll be with someone who's more suited to you.

I don't know why he never thought about buying his own home before, I guess he never saw any need
My guess is that he was confident of finding a woman who was mug enough to give him her property!
I note that your phrase was that he's thinking of moving in with you, did he invite himself?

If I change my mind in the future and he still wants to move in then I'll have a lodger agreement drawn up.

How would he be a lodger if the two of you are living together as a couple and presumably sharing a bed etc?

Seriously I would never live with a man again, it's much too easy for them to dominate you when you share a home with them.

I don't know why he never thought about buying his own home before, I guess he never saw any need. In my mind I don't think he was particularly financially responsible until he met me four years ago. He seems to have settled now and is thinking more of his future and financial needs.

This says a lot. That he is looking for a retirement plan. Sounds like he's found one in you, a nurse with a purse. As well as not being a homeowner does he not have a pension either? How convenient he's found you. I bet you have a pension don't you?

This made me laugh. It is so so true. The minute they move in with you they think they are the most important person in the relationship. They also stop trying so hard and become complacent.

Two friends have done it for many years. It's simple to have a lodger agreement. They've been burnt once so protecting themselves.

If he is in council accommodation now, he would be crazy to move for something that might only be temporary. I'm not sure why he is entitled to council accommodation though!

I wouldn't charge a friend rent, let alone a partner. The idea that by simply owning property you're duty bound to profit from it I find pretty abhorrent.