Update, i took your advice and now feel anxious

[mrsconsuelabananahammock]

Update

So i took your advice and last night i told him i dont think he should move in as i dont feel the same as i once did.
He asked if there was someone else, i said no because there isnt.
And he didn't speak to me the rest of the night.
We went to bed and he never said a word.

I feel aweful, it has made me feel anxious and ill because i know i have hurt his feelings

This is my previous post

hi, looking for advice.

my boyfriend stays over one night through the week and the whole weekend. While here i cook all his meals, wash the dishes and wash his clothes. We have been seeing each other for a year and a half now. He doesnt contribute in anyway to household chores and doesnt pay any money towards food or electric.

I feel as if i have taken on a sort of mum role, (things in the bedroom have also died) i already have a child and im not really looking for another human to take care of.

am i being used? is it normal for men to be like this? and should he contribute financially

Good. Now bin him for being a prick.

I wouldn't shy away from telling him why. That you are less attracted to him as you feel taken for granted and he doesn't feel like a good partner. You haven't just stopped fancying him. There are reasons. You could tell him and it might make him change.

It is normal to feel anxious when you have to stand up to people like your boyfriend. He isn't nice to you and he doesn't care if he makes you feel anxious. Thats why you have to stick to your guns and not let him move in.
He doesn't sound nice at all. He is using you.

You have not 'hurt his feelings'

He is just sulking because the cushy life he envisioned is not happening

You need to deal with your anxiety - you are not defined by a man, you do not need this person in your life

In a few months are we going to read that you will have capitulated and arr regretting it because the lazy sod doesn't do anything?

Well he doesn’t want sex and he won’t do anything and he doesn’t pay for it either. What does he expect? Say that to him. It can’t be a surprise that you’re not over the moon.

Did you actually tell him why or just that you didn’t feel as you once did ?

OP, he's relying on you feeling hurt and confused followed by your capitulation, hence the sulking.

You need to find your anger at his manipulation/thoughtlessness and act on it rather than dwell on his behaviour.

You need to tell him why you've ended it. It's unkind not to explain.

That anxious feeling isn't a sign that you did the wrong thing.

A reasonable person would accept your decision because you're entitled to your own feelings. He's just annoyed you stood up to him.

Well, it's a bit of short term anxiety now to spare yourself a life of 24/7 servitude by the sound of it. Ride the feeling out. Think of it as cosseting your future self.

What does your child do when you pick them up on something/tell them off? They sulk just like your boyfriend.

Honestly, why is he in your house? I'd have broken up with him, not gently told him you don't like having the piss taken.

He's upset that you mentioned you don't like being a maternal skivvy. Now let's find a word for how you feel...

These feelings are normal because you are standing up for yourself and it sometimes feels uncomfortable when we put ourselves first.

This guy sounds like a waste of space cocklodger. If he acts like this now imagine what he would be like if he actually moved in!

He is manipulating you and you are well rid of him. Block and move on!

I’m sorry, so you told him you weren’t ready for him to move in because he’s a lazy free loading fucker (I’m sure you put it much nicer than that), and rather than him apologise and acknowledge this he’s become a big sulky baby and given you the silent treatment, all night, in your own home? A place where he is currently a guest?? What a knob.

So the man is a huge baby who has been treating you like domestic appliance he can have sex with and his first thought when you dumped him is that you're shagging someone else?

Well there's you answer!

Well gone. Yes, please do hurt his feelings!

Tell him exactly why.

You're a lazy, entitled man baby and I'm not your servant. BYE

I can't believe he then stayed, and gave you the cold shoulder. In your own home! You need to end this, he has NO redeeming features does he.

Why did you let him stay if he was being silent?

So he's staying over in your home and eating your food and giving you the silent treatment? come on op, tell him to leave, it's over. He has no respect for you

We had some wine so he couldn't really leave. And he is away to work now

Have you made it clear the relationship is over? just text him, and tell him. He's stonewalling you so it's not like you can have a respectful conversation ending the relationship. He's made it easy for you

You need to tell him exactly why.

Did you tell him that you don’t think he should move in because when he is at your house you do everything domestic, cook for him, clear up after him, pay for him etc and you don’t want that in a permanent basis?

You were 100% right to say he shouldn’t move in.

He doesn’t do a fair share of household work
He doesn’t contribute a fair share of cost
He isn’t someone you feel able to be honest and direct with, difficult conversation with him makes you anxious
He immediately looks to your behaviour (‘someone else’) rather than his own (‘have I done something wrong?’) when told you don’t feel the same.

You are right not to live with a lazy freeloader who makes you feel anxious. And even more importantly you are right not to impose him on your child’s life.

A lot of men will treat you like an unpaid servant and let you pay for everything.
They seem to think women WANT to do this and we don't. They think women are there to run around after them.
I will not tolerate this at all - I want a relationship with a grown man not a baby. Nothing gives me the ick more quickly than this.
Women have been brought up to avoid conflict so invariably that makes us feel anxious and guilty. Don't. You deserve better.
If a man brings nothing to the table they are not worth having.
Seriously imagine if we took our clothes over to a boyfriend and expected them to do it for us. They would look at us as if we had gone mad.

Did you tell him why so he has a chance to wake up and change his behaviour ?

You made the right decision but if he doesn’t know why then I can see why he jumped to the cheating accusation.

Don’t look back darling. Stick to your guns - give the silent treatment right back along with all his toys in a bag. Once this uncomfortable initial stage is over you’ll be grand.