Signs of a player

[Geordielass35]

I've been on a few dates with a really attractive man. Physically he is exactly what I am looking for. We haven't got intimate yet, but been some intense kissing and touching. If things keep progressing it won't be long. However the way he is so confident makes me think he's a player. The amount of messages that pop up on his phone also suggest he's got potential women contacting him. Maybe he's just popular with his mates, I don't know. He is alway positing photos of himself online though.

On Wednesday he invited me around to his house to cook a meal. I accidentally walked into his bedroom instead of the bathroom. He didn't know because he was downstairs cooking. His bedroom had a sweet musky smell, like another woman had been in earlier. Sometimes it smells like that on his beard. Sorry if TMI. Definitely not a masculine scent. Maybe I'm overthinking things?!

Is there any point in asking him if he's got others on the go? He's obviously just going to deny it to have his way with me. I wouldn't mind him being FWB, but only if I'm the ONLY one.

It’s not unreasonable to expect exclusivity if that’s what’s important to you.

The impression I’m getting is the OP is going against what she reality wants just to get a few crumbs from this guy and is possibly convincing herself he’ll change and give her what she is craving and that’s not going to be the case here.

His bedroom had a sweet musky smell, like another woman had been in earlier. Sometimes it smells like that on his beard.

A relationship of any sort with a man who can't be bothered to wash the pussy out of his beard before a date would be a non-starter for me.

@CrimsonC I agree. It's unrealistic so I either take it or leave it. I just see the conversation as pointless. He's going to say what he needs to in order to get what he wants

How about see what happens when you just want to spend time with him? What happens if you say no to sex and wait a few more weeks? I mean several weeks not just like... one week. This is a cast iron way of seeing what someones intentions are towards you. If they start losing interest or get shitty with you then yes, player. If they seem at ease with spending time with you and dont' pressure you then.... perhaps they're worth your time.

@SamW98 I thought it was important to me. Now it seems less important. I have surprised myself tbh. Maybe it's just meeting someone that I had a connection with

@roses yes this is the best way to test things out. I don't know what the outcome would be. I'm starting to get silly thoughts I could change him or isn't after just one thing.

Has he called or texted since yesterday, OP?

@taylorswift1989 yes he was very happy and complimentary of me. He wants to see me again tonight. We are watching a film and I'm making pancakes. He knows anything else is off the cards but he appears fine with it.

Well that's good! Hope it goes well tonight.

Good update. Hope all goes well tonight x

Thanks @taylorswift1989 , I just hope he's a lemon and sugar guy rather than banana and Nutella. But I have both covered 😂

@SamW98 thanks 😊

Is he French, by any chance?

No, @taylorswift1989 what makes you think he is?!

Ah nothing! Just a weird thought!

@CrimsonC I agree. It's unrealistic so I either take it or leave it. I just see the conversation as pointless. He's going to say what he needs to in order to get what he wants

If you're genuinely fine with it, then that's ok. But - I wouldn't expect this man to change anything. It's up to you to decide how important exclusivity is to you, I wouldn't expect to get loyalty from an FWB who you suspect is seeing other women.

From your update it sounds lighthearted and like you're getting along well at least

Suggest you stay over his for 4 days in a row

That's a fucking bad idea....

Anyway I don't know anyone who could take time out for this.

Take it slowly OP. Time will tell.

Well a really nice night. Pancakes went down a treat. Looking forward to seeing him on Friday. It's really good conversation as well as him being attractive and his other qualities. I'm not getting carried away. Well maybe a little bit. I think he's a nice guy no matter whether he's a player. But if he's a player it isn't going to last. Just enjoying each time for now.

@taylorswift1989 I learnt he likes the french vanilla from Tim Hortons but nothing french about him.

Advice?

Don't follow through on any of this. You'll get yourself hurt very badly. The guy is fully aware of your attraction to him, probably plenty of sexual chemistry. The right outer packaging works wonders, hence (from what I'm reading) you guys are practically in bed already. If I were him I'd consider you at least halfway there too.

The goal of a player is to simply conquer bodies and move on, unfortunately it's done that coldly. Women are targets, dating them is viewed as sport. Those who stick around for hard answers or further "connection" are usually caught up in their feelings, confused, temporarily ghosted and willing to compromise. Your guy may just be quite popular and like exotic aftershave! Have some fun getting to know for yourself without sharing a bed.

I guarantee you're of extremely high interest because what's under your clothes remains a total mystery. The longer you keep it that way the quicker he'll understand you're unique, not what he's used to working with. That's where your power actually lies, being a lady and crossing your legs until you're completely secure in this.

All this dinner at mine lark..just politely suggest a great sounding restaurant you heard about and check availability. Make a joke about his lack of culinary skills or something, lighthearted banter. Most guys absolutely love being ribbed by someone they fancy!

FWB always leads to a dead end, absolutely crazy idea. Someone ALWAYS gets hurt and usually that's not the man. Sounds like wild fun and probably is for awhile but it'll eventually harden your heart.

Best

24 roses received today with a nice message. Still not getting carried away.

My experience of players , and I have experience of them is .

• Confident

-Charming -Gentlemanly, not a door isn't opened nor bag not carried

• female friends in abundance, numerous ex's in tow

-most female friends are individual, i.e seen on their own rather than as part of a group

• too good in bed

And not wanting to spend a whole weekend with you...one night seems to be enough...

24 roses received today with a nice message. Still not getting carried away

That's exactly what a player would do. And a non-player. You're trying not to get carried away as if that's the temptation. Why isn't maintaining your boundaries tempting? Why isn't it tempting to decide that this will be what you want, or you'll walk away?

No one is perfect, if I can't find 'normal' faults like everyone has something is wrong