Signs of a player

[Geordielass35]

I've been on a few dates with a really attractive man. Physically he is exactly what I am looking for. We haven't got intimate yet, but been some intense kissing and touching. If things keep progressing it won't be long. However the way he is so confident makes me think he's a player. The amount of messages that pop up on his phone also suggest he's got potential women contacting him. Maybe he's just popular with his mates, I don't know. He is alway positing photos of himself online though.

On Wednesday he invited me around to his house to cook a meal. I accidentally walked into his bedroom instead of the bathroom. He didn't know because he was downstairs cooking. His bedroom had a sweet musky smell, like another woman had been in earlier. Sometimes it smells like that on his beard. Sorry if TMI. Definitely not a masculine scent. Maybe I'm overthinking things?!

Is there any point in asking him if he's got others on the go? He's obviously just going to deny it to have his way with me. I wouldn't mind him being FWB, but only if I'm the ONLY one.

What's the point of a FWB if you can only have one?

@whatwouldAnnaDelveydo health really

So what if he is a ladies man tho?Plenty of ladies men fall jn love and then sack them all off in favour of you x

I wouldn't have sex without protection with a FWB. But I don't understand the point of an exclusive FWB, so...

@whatwouldAnnaDelveydo That's fair enough. I don't want to be with a man that's been intimate with another woman potentially that day, it's very off-putting.

@something2say I wouldn't be naive enough to think I'd change him

99% yes. He's a player.

You have options. You can have sex with him as a casual arrangement, use protection, turn a blind eye to his other activities. This could be great fun, as long as you're not the kind of person who catches feelings for sexual partners (most women are, though).

You could keep him at arm's length for a few months and see if he sticks around. Tell him you want to be exclusive. Give him a chance to step up and then reassess later.

Or you can decide it's not worth the heartbreak/anxiety/triggers and let him go before you get in too deep.

Having been in these kinds of relationships in the past, my advice is to walk away.

The fact that he couldn't be bothered to wash his face properly after being with another woman strikes me as deeply disrespectful.

He's a player. One in, one out. Suggest you stay over his for 4 days in a row and see how he reacts. He's a player. Keep well away.

However the way he is so confident makes me think he's a player

Well, if you don't like the feeling he gives you, drop him. Life isn't about checking the boxes, it's about how you feel. You don't feel comfortable with this guy. Why would you progress a relationship with someone you doubt is what you're looking for?

Maybe you don’t understand it but an exclusive FWB suits a lot of people

I agree with you. I have a few friends in exclusive FWB arrangements. It works for both parties who have busy lives, don’t want a full on relationship but happy to have companionship and sex when it suits them both.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I just said I don't see the point. That's great that different things work for different people.

@SamW98 That's what I want. Don't fancy my chances of getting anything more than that

That would suit me as well. I don’t want anything deep and certainly never want to cohabit ever again but equally don’t want to be a fuck buddy for a man sticking it anywhere else

How can anyone be 99% sure he’s a player when they don’t know him
and why on earth would anyone suggest staying over for 4 days with a man you’ve been on a few dates with !
In the end , do you like him enough to give another date a try . If you feel unsure of him , don’t .

@SamW98 yep fully agree. The thought repulses me. I hope you can find someone appropriate and worthwhile.

One is enough IMO but each to their own @whatwouldAnnaDelveydo

@Watchkeys His confidence is attractive, he has a chesky charm. But it makes me wary. He is very hot but he knows it.

@EnglishPearFreesia if it is one in one out it's disgusting and I'd want nothing to do with it. There's signs that that's the case.

How did you meet this guy?

But realistically would you start to get too emotionally attached to him/fall for him.... in an exclusive FWB situation?

From what you've said, think he would be happy with a one night stand, casual random sex, maybe FWB-but definitely not exclusive. But not much more than that.

@TheAverageJoanne in the city centre, in a bar. Refreshingly not online.

@rainingcatsanddawgs that's a risk, that I catch feelings. Just got to manage it the best way I can

Maybe you don’t understand it but an exclusive FWB suits a lot of people

Sounds great until you realise you're not going to get exclusivity out of an FWB. You're just not.

A young attractive 'player' is not going to limit himself for some woman he sees casually. Of course he's out there doing other stuff without you knowing.

@2031MummyTBC thanks. Yes you've probably just given me a dose of reality there. It's unrealistic to expect exclusivity. Just wish he'd cover his tracks more then and it not be so obvious