Can men not manage a condom any more?

[46isthisit]

I have been single a while and every time I try to start a new sexual relationship sensibly after lots of conversation about safe sex etc they don’t seem to manage to maintain an erection with a condom. I’m so fed up and end up being made to feel I’m being a bit fussy and uptight. Any advice please?

That's so strange, how many men has this happened with?

I wonder if you could buy extra thin or something if there is such a thing?

Yeah, stop blaming men.

How about you try a female condom? It's super easy to stay aroused whilst engaging with plastic so you'll have no trouble, right?

https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/contraception/female-condoms

Porn.

It’s been a few now. I have a variety of condom types so I don’t think it’s that. It just seems to be that that they are surprised I think it’s important and can’t seen to manage with 🤷🏼‍♀️

The men the OP has slept with can't keep an erection with a condom because porn?

It definitely happens. And the number who won't even mention condoms unless you bring it up... I mean, I prefer sex without a condom, too, but rather a condom than an STI, thanks.

Maybe if they handled it like actual men, instead of making the OP feel like she was being fussy and uptight then we'd have some sympathy for them but no, they sound like immature, irresponsible dickheads.

Also the men would still have to engage with plastic if women wore female ones 😅

What age are they? I knew my friend commissioned men over 50 weren’t hard or lost it quickly.

i wouldn’t have sex with a new partner without a condom. Totally normal expectation to have.

@Serendipityandmore wtf? Why is it always the women’s responsibility? After a lifetime of taking hormones to prevent pregnancy the least a man can do is wear a fucking condom.

I believe the 'porn' post refers to the widely recognised socio-medical phenomenon of de-sensitisation of the penis due to excessive and relatively aggressive masturbation practices while watching pornographic imagery online.

It's increasingly mentioned in NHS literature on erectile dysfunction as a possible causal or contributory factor.

OP, sexual health is important and you are so right to look after yourself. In the past, l have been called names (by other women!) because l always carry condoms in my handbag and in the glove compartment of my car. The irony is I’ve supplied a few to friends over the years.

l don’t know how many men you are referring to here, but l very much doubt that things would have been any different without a condom. Stick by your guns and don’t be persuaded otherwise.

Maybe they had too much to drink or maybe you have just picked the wrong men; that is not meant to be critical.

But there are those who will be rock hard out there, don’t give up. If you are not looking fir anything serious, a younger one can be fun.

The death grip is an urban myth that has been discredited, contrary to the above post there is no medical evidence supporting it.

How about these men learn how to use a condom to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies, as well as STIs? Using a condom is the only way men can ensure they don't conceive a child from a casual sexual encounter, and it should by very important to them.

I've always found that it happens from time to time with men I've been with, yes. I tend to abandon PIV for a bit or the whole encounter and try other things.

I do agree that the female condom is worth a try too.

I've only encountered a couple of men who were notably unenthusiastic about condoms but yes, an awful lot 'forgot' to bring any. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt in some cases as they might not have been expecting sex as early as I like to do it though it was a hookup site and we'd been sexting

Given the number of men who regard a woman getting pregnant as some bizarre outlandish insult, and the number who respond with shock to the news that I have my period, I do get a bit tired of the lack of engagement with biological reality.

My current DP says he used to struggle with condoms years ago until he realised they were too tight for him, and they throttled him... He changed to a wider brand and was fine. If any of the guys you've with had a large girth that may be a reason.

I think standard condoms are deliberately made tight as they're erring on the side of caution and cater for "smaller" men too.

@Mainats

How about these men learn how to use a condom to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies, as well as STIs?

I'm not sure how the OP has anything to do with men learning that a condom protects against pregnancy and STIs! Of course they know - that's not the point!

Female condoms are comparatively expensive and it is easier for an unethical man to “slip out” of it.

Influence of porn I think.

Female condoms don’t stop STI ‘s though, do they?

My wife can’t be on the pill, so we use condoms. Do I like them? No. Does my wife like them? No. do we want sex? Yes.

Therefore we don’t have a choice. These men you speak of are boys.

Although, an appointment with the Dr about the snip is soon coming.

If they get funny about having to wear one don't have sex with them.

@RH1234 if you're going NHS you might find there's quite a wait, DH had his done recently after two years on the waiting list.

Don't they? Why wouldn't they protect against STIs?

Why would you say this? From what I can find on the Internet "Female condoms lower your (and your partner’s) risk for pregnancy and STIs. Typically, they are 79% effective at preventing pregnancy. Plus, the outer ring covers a wider area than the external condom does, providing extra protection from STIs."

So why are you saying they don't? Misinformation is so unhelpful.

I have to say 79% against pregnancy is absolutely rubbish, I thought they were better than that.