Can men not manage a condom any more?

[46isthisit]

I have been single a while and every time I try to start a new sexual relationship sensibly after lots of conversation about safe sex etc they don’t seem to manage to maintain an erection with a condom. I’m so fed up and end up being made to feel I’m being a bit fussy and uptight. Any advice please?

OP, you are so doing the right thing!!

If they can't cope with a condom, how are they going to cope with full blown sex? (Clutches pearls)

More power to your elbow, OP, and I hope you have better luck in the future.

For anyone wanting to understand why porn is relevant to this, read the accounts by men on the website your brain on porn. It's really sad. It's a new pandemic that is happening unfortunately but not being spoken about nowhere near the amount it should.
That's not to say that's the case for all obviously and we all change with age.
But when you have 18 year olds who can't have sex despite desperately wanting to because it's not what they have trained their brain and body to react to for years, any movement any pressure any anxiety putting on a condom and it's game over. It's just so sad. That then feeds back into the loop cycle of well I'm not adequate enough for sex best I go back off to get my dopamine hit from porn.

What an embarrassing response. Are you 8 years old? 😂

Aw didums. Cat got your tongue and you have no rebuttal to any of the points 😂

What is so interesting about this is that gay men wear condoms and guess what - they never lose their boners at all. You know what this is? These guys are disgusting and used to weak women who capitulate and let them screw them without a condom so when a woman has firm boundaries they get upset. And upset toddlers lose their boners. That is all it is. Stop making excuses for them and stop being so damn "understanding."

Bottom line, immediately throw them out of your bed if they do any of the following.
(1) Insist on not using ga condom;
(2) try to stealth you and sneak the condom off
(3) lose their erection for any reason I don't care what it is

Unless you are married to him and have a long-term commitment, there is no reason for a single woman to excuse nonperformance in bed. He has one job to do and needs to do it. If he can't or won't put it down and satisfy you in bed, he needs to go. NEXT his ass!

I can rebut them no problem 😂but don't feel the need because you have zero debating skills.

They did a study in China about why female condoms weren't used more

It turned out women were happy to use them, it was men who didn't like them being used

What a shocking result no women ever could have forseen

It's overrated anyway.

I suggest jigsaws

I think you have got that wrong, it was the women in china who didn’t like using female condoms

“In China, women participants were more skeptical about using the Woman’s Condom than male participants, and they expressed less interest in the Woman’s Condom than in other contraceptive methods”

https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-019-7625-0

It was a different study, I'm out at the moment but I will check my computer history later and dig out the study.

That study is about migrants in China and I know the study I looked at was not. Also I'm not sure why you have jumped to the conclusion that I have got it wrong when the study you referenced barely mentions men, instead of assuming there might have been more than one study out there and another one might actually have more data about men in it?

@dimllaishebiaith

why do think I’m wrong?
you posted

They did a study in China about why female condoms weren't used more

It turned out women were happy to use them, it was men who didn't like them being used

survey I quoted was from China and the contrary evidence was that it was women who didn’t like using female condoms, what have men got to with that?

No one is making the OP feel like anything. Adults are in charge of their own feelings, haven't you heard?

This statement is gaslighting 101.

There are some unusual opinions in this thread. Erections not being as strong or reliable for men in their 50s as they sre for men in their 20s is just a medical fact. It is part of the ageing process. It's nothing whatsoever to do with porn

It’s still not an excuse to make a woman feel for wanting to protect her health by using condoms. That’s really the main thing.

If a man is having erectile dysfunction related issues, it really isn’t ok for him
to somehow make it a woman’s issue to solve or to somehow make her the one to blame.

I've read several claims of ED being linked to excessive porn. I don't think it's to do with anything physical that takes place at that time, but is much more psychological around desensitizing arousal. Disorders such as ED and PE are psychological ( as well as linked with age. )

No - it’s usually due to men being pathetically shit husbands and fathers, and women realise it’s better to do it themselves

By the same token is not okay for a woman to make a man feel guilty about having an ED related issue, ( just look at some of the responses on this thread - porn and death grip are chucked about like confetti by some people)

respect and fairness has to go both ways - any issue with a men “performing “ is the bedroom is often seized by some posters as an excuse to hold men up for abuse and ridicule

Since when did ED become a psychological issue?

that’s like telling someone that they don’t really have high blood pressure it’s just a psychological issue?

If you read the OP, the problem the thread is about is men trying to hold her responsible for their erection issues.

And it is well known that ED can be related to psychological issues. Performance anxiety can be the issue at the heart of things. That doesn’t make it not a real problem.

It’s more like telling someone whose blood pressure issues are a symptom of something psychological rather than physiological in origin that treating their anxiety will help. That’s not dismissive unless you actually believe that ‘real’ illness is purely physiological.

Did we really get someone whining about contraception being too hard (haha) for men and snippily asking whether women had ever considered doing it instead?

I didn't say you were wrong. I said it was a different study. And that the study I looked at had reference to men, which the study you quoted didn't in great detail.

But it would appear from your response you only think there can be one study in China on this subject so I think I'm done with you now. I'm tired and hungover and in no mind to pander to people who cannot fathom the possibility of a range of research existing.

ED abd Psychology is quite easy to research online.
A reliable site gave me this quote..
Like with physical ED, there’s no single psychological cause that can trigger erectile dysfunction in men. Instead, a variety of issues can all cause or contribute to psychological ED, such as:

• Performance anxiety
• General stress and anxiety
• Relationship problems
• Depression
• Guilt and low self-esteem
• Pornography use

Erections for men aren't as reliable for them in their 50s as their 20s that's fair enough

What consistently gets talked about on the relationship board and in life by women though is how often those men in their 50s blame women, and condoms, but mostly women for any issues they have with getting or maintaining an erection. I mean not all men obviously, but nevertheless enough that its a well discussed topic

But women are more likely to suffer vaginal dryness as they get older. But when I see or hear conversations they talk openly about it being age and menopause and they don't go around blaming men (usually) for not getting them aroused enough, or not being in good enough shape to turn them on etc

Perhaps if men talked more openly about these issues, and didn't just start pointing the finger at women, we wouldnt jump to the conclusion it might be porn. But if men are just going to blame women then we don't really have much else to go on do we?

Again not all men but enough that it's a fairly regularly discussed topic...

And I feel exactly the same - you clearly cannot fathom the possibility of a range of research coming to different conclusions.