Ladies in your 30s how often do you and your other half have sex?

[raspberryginplease]

I know there is no right and wrong amount of sex to have. I am in a sexless relationship in my 30s and wondering how normal it is?

We havent been intimate since November 😪

Changed name for this as I feel oddly ashamed of this. It’s something I can’t really talk about to anyone in real life.

I’m 35 and in a near sexless relationship. I love him and I don’t want to leave him but i also don’t want to sleep with him because I don’t fancy him at his current weight. There are other libido killers but I think they’d not be a show stopper if it wasn’t for that on top of it.

I thought about it long and hard a while ago and decided I didn’t want to leave. I have tried to persuade him to be healthier but have stopped short before saying “if you were skinny again we’d probably have more sex” because that sounds awful. We’ve been together 12 years and not had a direct conversation about it.

What a horrible unnecessary thing to say. People can end relationships for any reason they want to but there is no “should” in this example.

Why horrible and unnecessary?

the poster in question said she had lost her sex drive and they ( husband and wife) had not has sex for 6 + years and he was was making an issue of it now.

I ( personally) believe that no one (male or female), should be be pressured into having sex they don’t want, but on the flip side no one should be guilt tripping into staying in a celibate marriage when they don’t want to , male or female,
if the husband wants sex and the wife doesn’t ( and hasn’t done for 6 + years), then yes he should leave her for both their sakes

Don’t dance around the issue, just plain tell him, maybe with a health slant as well.
then you can both have more (better? ) sex

of course no one should be guilt tripped into saying I didn’t say that.

i would quite like a partner who earned more money. I would be entitled to leave my current partner if he can’t be arsed to try and work his way up a corporate ladder. But it would be a shitty thing to tell me partner that I should leave him when you don’t have any more context than that. Especially if he’s just stated that he’s now trying to get promoted.

Yes I decided to do that when he asked why I never feel like it. But he’s never asked. I don’t miss it enough to raise it either so we don’t.

And that’s entirely your choice
and in the instance above I would say it’s also the husband’s choice and my advice to him would be to leave as it won’t get any better

Not sure why people always say that 😂Of course he would be entitled to end the relationship, people can end the relationship for whatever reason. She would have also been entitled to end it if she wanted to.

There's no suggestion of guilt tripping though.

I pretty much always say that most dead bedrooms are doomed and won't be fixed.

That situation that that poster described is one of the rare exceptions though.
One of the main reasons they tend to not be fixable is if the person who didn't want sex was pressured into having it over the years and went through with unwanted sex. which ends up causing trauma. The couple you're talking about have more of a chance than most couples of fixing it.

We know the husband has a choice though, he always did and still does, and he is still there.

I would say 3-5 times a week.

Aged mid 30s and early 40s. 4 children, 3 in primary school.

Together 12 years, married for 12.

Mostly instigated by me tbh.

My OH and I both have high sex drives, if she doesn’t get it at least once a day she gets stroppy 😂 usually twice a day min, if we have a night/day off I’m secretly pleased 😜

together close to 2 years so still in honeymoon phase I guess, although I couldn’t imagine it being less than 3-4 times a week.

Me and FH are early 30s, no kids and have sex twice a week

I've literally just turned 40 same age as DH, we have 2 kids and on average twice a week which we both seem happy with. Sometimes slightly more or less but average twice a week

For me I had a lot less in my 30's than I am in my 40's but that was due to traumatic birth, young kids working full time and feeling exhausted and touched out. Even then we still didn't go months ( which you are if you haven't dtd since November). It recovered and slowly became more frequent, then much more frequent when hormones kicked in and kids understand your need for privacy. If you're not even living together yet and have no kids I would run for the hills.

Would this be acceptable for a man to say this to a woman? It sounds really cruel but is the main reason I don't fancy my girlfriend anymore.

35 and 2 kids aged 5 and 2. 2-3 times a week, can be more if someone else has the kids...did it every day for two weeks over Christmas which was nice. We'd both prefer 4-5 times but kids and life makes us too tired!

Has he ever been checked out medically? Does he have abnormally low testosterone? A low sex drive could be one of multiple health issues of he has a medical issue. Or if it is psychological then that may be possible to address.

I suspect you don't have much information to act on but you probably ought to sort it before taking anything further.

I haven't had sex with my husband since my thirties . This was nearly 18 years ago.
We are still together and are happy.
It did take me some time to come to terms with the feelings of rejection, which were very difficult for a few years, and I did go off the rails for a while. He's my best friend and I wouldn't dream of leaving him. I think you might need to consider if you would be happy being where I am in 20 years. If not then you should end it. It's not likely to change I'm afraid

Twice a week mostly, very occasionally once if life is busy and I'm trying to increase that to three times a week. No real issues as to why it's dropped to two but I'm getting no complaints when I offer it an extra night lately!
Older teenagers, young adults in the house, no kids together and we are mid 40s and mid 50s. Been together 13 years and I still really fancy him!

We have 3 under 3, so we are lucky to have it twice a month. When we had just the one child it was weekly, and before kids, probably 3x a week.

1x primary school kid
1 x baby
I'm 39 H is 43
Married for 18 yrs
Probably every 3 -5 days. Rarely, daily for 3 or 4 days before going to every few days. Had a period of 4ish years where we only has sex 6 x during that time.
It's no where near enough for me. I'd prefer 2x a day. But, I'll take what I can get.

I'm amazed at how different we all are. The PP stating 2 times a day is wild to me, I wouldn't have the energy and would feel unproductive!😅

Its simple, first thing in morning and before bed. Or if being cheeky mid afternoon if it can be managed. Not all sex has to be a marathon. Been together long enough that we're satisfied in under 10 mins if urgency is needed occasionally.

But those days are long gone for us I think.

Morning sex is a good way to start the day off. Sometimes it’s a case of randomly wake up at say 5am. Sex.. nap. Then get up to start the daily chores and schools runs then to work. Kinda makes the whole
day feel better 😅