Ladies in your 30s how often do you and your other half have sex?

[raspberryginplease]

I know there is no right and wrong amount of sex to have. I am in a sexless relationship in my 30s and wondering how normal it is?

We havent been intimate since November 😪

Do people not have jobs? 🤣

I had the same issue where my OH went off sex for a few months.

I spoke to him about it and said did he not find me attractive and what was the issue.

I still don’t know the reason for the dry spell (I’m not sure he does!) but things have defo picked up. I think he might have been stressed out?

Just seen you don’t even live together yet! That’s put a new spin on it

I dont know I’d want someone moving in who didn’t want to be intimate…

I’ve past the big four zero, so don’t officially qualify. Age discrimination 😀.

2 or 3 times over a weekend, occasionally 4, but very rarely in the week unless l’m off work or on holiday.

l would not stay in a sexless relationship, unless a partner had unavoidable problems. In which case l would gave expected him to have done all he could to resolve it. Even then there is more to sex than penetration.

Aged 35. Two kids under 4. We have sex infrequently. Probably about twice a month if I'm honest. I enjoy it when we do it but I very rarely have any real desire to do it beforehand so I have to sort of rev myself up for it lol.

I'm 37, he's 36. Been together 13 years and have 2 kids aged 8 and 4. Still 3/4 time a week minimum.

It’s funny it always seems to be the couples with very high sex drives that comment on these threads.
I don’t know anyone in real life having sex every day.

we’re mid 30s, 2 kids.
3 times in a good week, one in a slower week!

Honestly, as little as I can get away with 🤣 probably once or twice a month - seem to get a bit of a horny phase around the time I’m ovulating but other than that I’m not particularly interested. Things aren’t great with DH though at the moment and life with two small kids is hectic and tiring so hope it’s just a phase

It fluctuates. We can go a month or three without then have sex every couple of days for 3 weeks then back to not much. We don't have children.

Variety is the real secret. And you can interpret that which ever way you like. 😊

@StarlightLady he isnt into very much. Its very vanilla, he is happy to receive oral but will not give (which is fine) and he doesnt go on top . When we do it, its very routine no different positions or other locations.
In the beginning it wasnt like this but i understand that would have been the honeymoon phase

As long as you are fine with it. A partner not giving oral would be the biggest deal breaker for me; no oral = no entry!

@StarlightLady i was ok with it in the beginning because i thought, thats ok there are other things he could do......but he doesn't. I really like him and think we are a good match in other ways. This is just getting me down

I don't think there's anything to suggest this will get better no matter what you do OP. Even if you talk to him and he agrees to try harder all that will happen is things might change for a bit but then it will drift back to this again. I think you have to decide - to stay with him in a pretty much sexless relationship or end it.

So even when he does feel up to it it's you doing all the work?

Honestly, life is too short to put up with shit sex. Find someone who sets your world on fire!

I don’t know if it helps or not OP but in my marriage in my thirties I’d got to the point where I actually thought maybe I was going through an early menopause…sex life and desire plummeted. It was actually because the relationship was failing.
From my forties onwards I’ve been with my wonderful DP and now in fifties (DP sixties) we are generally every 2 days.

He sounds worse and worse. Won’t do oral but want oral. Has sex but won’t do any of the work for sex.

You should still be having hoonymoon sex not deathbed one a year kind of just to make sure it’s still working sex.

I'm 12 months pp, still breastfeeding and have no desire for sex right now
I'd say it's been around 14/15 months for us. My sex drive usually comes back when breastfeeding decreases but ds2 feeds a lot still. DH is completely understanding though, never pushes me and knows it'll come back in time.

If you've only been together two years and there are no kids in the mix, I'd be looking at why your dh's drive is so low, op.

No kids - once a week

Early 30s, 2 kids and we average 1-2 a week. He would definitely like more but I could easily go without. I never used to be like this!

Not enough. 2-3 times a month. We are like ships that pass because of his shift work.

I am in the same boat but a few years down the line. Our sex drives just aren’t compatible. I have stopped making the effort and we’re currently at 3 weeks and counting (we’re 35 with 3 dc’s). as much as I know it shouldn’t, it has had a significant effect on my self esteem and I wish I had got out when I realised that I was having to reassure myself it wasn’t me.

Probably once a month but it's bloody great when we do! I imagine my DH would like it more often, but between a toddler, both of us in full-time, stressful jobs, a dog and prepping to start another round of fertility treatment... it's all I've got in me.

I think quality and connection is more important than quantity. Do you still feel desired by and connected to your partner? If not, I'd strongly consider moving on.

Once a week, I wouldn’t have said it was enough but it’s excellent every time and we both put a lot of effort in so actually I’d rather that than more frequent and mediocre.

if you’re unhappy, it’s not enough. You need to have conversations about it.

What was it like in the beginning and how long did that last for?
In previous relationships did he say that sex died off pretty soon too?