I don’t like my granddaughter

[SiliconHeaven]

Hello, as the title says, I don’t like her and it’s (obviously) affecting my relationships, I feel guilty and I’m trying my best to not think about that, and to re-frame the relationship in my mind. Does anyone have any tips or experiences? I feel like such a twat.

She’s nine, I love her, she was a lovely baby, the problems have developed over the years. I find that I don’t really want to visit like I used to and babysitting is a chore, I used to enjoy it so much.
I’m disabled, a wheelchair user. When I’m at my DDs house and I need to go to the toilet my DGD races every time to get in there before me if she sees me heading there. Any request to let me go first is met with sneers and refusal. She will then sit on the toilet for 20 minutes saying she hasn’t finished. I’ve wet myself a couple of times.

She is unpleasant about other people, things like saying she doesn’t want to be friends with the new girl at school because she’s too ugly, doesn’t want to watch a tv show because the actor is too fat, that sort of thing. No longer friends with so and so because they are poor. I’ve spent quite a lot of time trying to talk to her about not commenting on people’s appearance and not being judgemental but she doesn’t care.

They have pet cats, DGD clearly doesn’t like them, shouts at them and pushes them away if they are within reach, they know not to go anywhere near her because she’s been unpleasant to them since she was a baby.

DD says she’s ’spoken to her’ about the toilet thing. DGD just smiles and nods, every time it’s just ‘don’t do it again’

Respectfully, your DD also sounds oddly unemotional. Surely most mothers would ask what the problem was and feel mortified if they found out what their child was doing? You say your DD is a doctor? I wonder how her patients get on with her? I’m thinking she won’t have a great bedside manner? Have you never wondered if your DD’s personality has influenced your GD’s?

Good. Your daughter is a disgrace as a mother and as a daughter.

It seems that everybody is talking round the problem -why aren't they talking so much about intervention? There is ample proof of what the child is doing wrong and why she needs intervention - the cruelty to the cats could be reported to the RSPCA, and she could be referred to social services for her antisocial behaviour which could lead to her getting appropriate help.

potentially only in the parent's imagination too.

@SiliconHeaven you have done the right thing, it WILL make your DD think, maybe not today, but in a while and then perhaps the situation will resolve itself.

I would be utterly mortified if my DS had ever treated anyone like that, let alone his own GP. i feel so sad for you that must have been awful.

I hope that you can see by our reactions that we are all horrified for you and this is NOT right at all. Let's hope this is the boot up the arse your DD needs to deal with this

She's a consultant endocrinologist and a warm and loving daughter with lots of friends. I have no idea where my DGD's behaviour comes from.

Oh. Ok then.

Perhaps she has spent a lot of time away from a consistent parent as the daughters job may be time consuming. Nanny’s grandparents etc are not there for setting and enforcing boundaries. She may have been left to her own devices and has gotten away with it. I think many children would turn out the same in this situation. Parenting is bloody hard with 2 parents.