I don’t like my granddaughter

[SiliconHeaven]

Hello, as the title says, I don’t like her and it’s (obviously) affecting my relationships, I feel guilty and I’m trying my best to not think about that, and to re-frame the relationship in my mind. Does anyone have any tips or experiences? I feel like such a twat.

She’s nine, I love her, she was a lovely baby, the problems have developed over the years. I find that I don’t really want to visit like I used to and babysitting is a chore, I used to enjoy it so much.
I’m disabled, a wheelchair user. When I’m at my DDs house and I need to go to the toilet my DGD races every time to get in there before me if she sees me heading there. Any request to let me go first is met with sneers and refusal. She will then sit on the toilet for 20 minutes saying she hasn’t finished. I’ve wet myself a couple of times.

She is unpleasant about other people, things like saying she doesn’t want to be friends with the new girl at school because she’s too ugly, doesn’t want to watch a tv show because the actor is too fat, that sort of thing. No longer friends with so and so because they are poor. I’ve spent quite a lot of time trying to talk to her about not commenting on people’s appearance and not being judgemental but she doesn’t care.

They have pet cats, DGD clearly doesn’t like them, shouts at them and pushes them away if they are within reach, they know not to go anywhere near her because she’s been unpleasant to them since she was a baby.

DD says she’s ’spoken to her’ about the toilet thing. DGD just smiles and nods, every time it’s just ‘don’t do it again’

People jumping to say this child is a psychopath need to calm down. I’m almost certain no one here is qualified to diagnose anything like that, and even if you were qualified I’m 100% certain a few posts with snippets of information from a grandparent on social media isn’t enough to diagnose with.

Yea the child’s behaviour is concerning and yes it needs to be dealt with because it is not acceptable. However she is just a child and referring to her as all sorts of names is not actual helpful (and is also a little weird, like people seem to enjoy berating children). It’s always hard to tell the reasons for a child’s difficult behaviour, however it doesn’t sound like this child has many boundaries so I’m not sure she’s been given a fair chance.

I posted on here for some advice regarding my child’s difficulties. People also told me she was a psychopath. She is being assessed currently and it’s sounding like ADHD with oppositional disorder. I did also get some really good advice from great posters which I’ve followed and boy has it made a difference. Lots of praise but also firm boundaries around safety and talking kindly and natural consequences. She is a different child.

Yes, so would I.

She’s a psychopath.
Lacking empathy for people and animals does not bode well.

Labels and armchair diagnoses aren't going to help. But neither is doing nothing.

Natural consequences for your daughter will lead to natural consequences for hers..
"I will visit for short periods of time but no more babysitting," sounds reasonable to me.

At the moment, your daughter is taking the path of least resistance because she can. If babysitting is important to her then she will have to step up if she wants it to continue.

I think its likely got to do with the fact there isnt a father figure on the scene at all.

This is nonsense.

It's far more likely that the daughter wants to be her daughter's friend, hasn't put any boundaries In place and has no understanding of child development.

There are children with two parents who behave like this and children of single parents who don't.

The relationship with the primary caregiver is far more important.

When he told his family he had realised he was a psychopath their reply was, ‘that’s not a surprise’. Things may have been more difficult for his family than he was able to realise or empathize with. This is very common for family members with people with a whole host of ‘cognitive’ conditions ( not sure of the correct umbrella term). Their suffering is often unacknowledged, and that itself is often an intense form of suffering.

I don’t think it’s always fair to say it’s the parenting. People are born with different levels of empathy. My own daughter doesn’t have a huge amount of empathy and she has never been brought to not. She has been allowed consequences but she just doesn’t have it. She is being assessed for ND
and I’m pretty sure one symptom can be lack of empathy. She is having to learn how her behaviour affects others by constantly discussing and repeating, it’s not naturally there. The difference I suppose is that I know and others know and we are having to put in a great deal of work to help her grow into a good adult.

I agree. The vast majority of children of single mothers don't behave like this. I was a single mum and was also a teacher for 30 years and I've never met a child who would do this.

Says it all. 😂

Exactly right. Until this so-called 'gentle parenting' stops, teachers WILL continue to leave in droves. Then the 'gentle parents' will really have something to moan about, when they're having that situation to contend with.

I can't believe the people trying to make OP feel bad about her comment about nurses....when it's clear she was responding to someone else who said don't ever let her become a nurse.

How do you jump from "my granddaughter wouldn't want to be a nurse as she sees it as not worthy enough" to thinking that OP thinks that? Oh right, to make her feel bad when it's you that hasn't read the thread

It's above anyone's paygrade to diagnose a child based on an anonymous thread but I'd be concerned @SiliconHeaven and would also limit my time there without your daughter.

I think the point pp are making about the animals is that this child has been demonstrating cruelty from a very young age.

Please do say more. I can't think of any other nurses like those two.

Cruelty to animals and her almost sadistic pleasure in the distress of a disabled human being both come from the same place - she enjoys feeling powerful even if others are suffering. It all sounds quite disturbing.

• Kristen Gilbert, American nurse and convicted serial killer.
• Donald Harvey, American orderly and convicted serial killer.
• Colin Norris, Scottish nurse convicted of murdering four elderly patients.
• Aino Nykopp-Koski, Finnish nurse convicted of five murders and five attempts of murder.
• Michael Swango, American physician who poisoned over 30 patients and coworkers.
• Niels Högel, German nurse and convicted serial killer.
• Efren Saldivar, American respiratory therapist at Adventist Health Glendale in Glendale, California and convicted serial killer.

I think the point pp are making about the animals is that this child has been demonstrating cruelty from a very young age

I'm not certain that They have pet cats, DGD clearly doesn’t like them, shouts at them and pushes them away is exactly cruelty.

There is obviously a lot wrong with the child and she needs more training in empathy, but I don't think she as bad as some people are making out.

If I recall rightly, the OP said they’re afraid of her? That’s not right and suggests a bit more than pushing them away.

I suggest in relation to the toilet issue, you say you want to go when you actually don't want to go and see her rush in there like a fool.

Of she was my daughter, I'd physically hold her back.

Another little suggestion is tena lady pants.

@DeeLusional So only one from the UK?

Allitt Letby and Norris. Plus any that haven't been found out.

Is there any evidence you can point us to show that children conceived by donation are more inclined to be abuse vulnerable people and animals?

I don't think that that was being suggested. No-one thinks that such a baby is more likely to be abusive/badly behaved.

I think the point was that there is a genetic component to many anti-social personality disorders, and that not having met the father it is possible that he was one such individual. ie, it isn't just the way the child is being raised, but that she may also have natural tendencies to cruelty (for want of a better word) which can't be eradicated, but which may possibly be managed.

And are paid considerably less for their efforts.

Blimey!

How do you treat pets??

And 'carers' that abuse patients?