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Original poster

Friends son converting to Islam and expects her to as well

151 replies

ithinkitsdone · 01/02/2024 16:21

Hi there. I wondered if anyone has any advice.

The situation is my lovely friend is a single parent, has been for 15 years.
Her son is now 22 and is a very dominant type and quite controlling of his mum eg
if we are together, he will come and stand between my friend and I and talk at us, putting his hand in our faces so we stop and listen to him. He has put his hands over his mums mouth to stop her saying a word until he is done. I have told him to knock it off but he can get aggressive so his mum has asked us to just go along with it.

he sets the rules for the house.
He decided he was boycotting Christmas last year (which she loves) so she was not allowed any decorations or have visitors or celebrate the day with family. She wasn't allowed to cook Xmas Dinner and had to spend the day at home with him.

He will want to speak at her hours, following her around and wont let her go to sleep until he is finished even if his lecture lasts until 4am

He is converting to Islam and has told her that the house will now follow and obey the teachings.
She wants to respect his new religion but he has now said she will need to wear a hijab around home and he will ensure she converts too.

She knows his behaviour can be out of order but I think after years, she doesn't see that he is controlling her life.

She is v protective and loyal to him of course but has also said she can't take anymore.

We are worried about her but don't know how to sensitively talk to her about it.

OP posts:
Sususudio · 01/02/2024 16:22

What? If this is real, she needs to throw him out.

hogmanayhoolie · 01/02/2024 16:24

This can't be right

Is there a reason she doesn't kick him out?

Damn sure my children wouldn't be dictating like that

RosaBaby2 · 01/02/2024 16:25

Prevent.

Original poster
ithinkitsdone · 01/02/2024 16:25

Honestly, this is real. There's a lot more in terms of exampkes I could add. We have tried to tell her that his treatment is unacceptable but she denied or minimised.

OP posts:
Pickles2023 · 01/02/2024 16:25

How on earth did he end up so controlling? What influence did he grow up with where people were treated like that around him? And how on earth has he got through school years without a kid telling him where to go? Is it only at home with his mother he acts like this? If it is in front of you, i imagine it is rather normalised and he feels quite bold in his misogyny...

She needs to kick him out and assert herself, go to fearless and domestic abuse charities for support, that is extreme and domestic abuse isnt always just from partners. Poor woman her confidence must be shattered :(

aitchteeaitch · 01/02/2024 16:25

Ignore the religion aspect, that is a side issue. He is assaulting her, and he needs to move out. Ideally with the assistance of some police officers to drive the point home.

Karwomannghia · 01/02/2024 16:25

He sounds like he is mentally ill, has she sought any help before now?

Sususudio · 01/02/2024 16:26

aitchteeaitch · 01/02/2024 16:25

Ignore the religion aspect, that is a side issue. He is assaulting her, and he needs to move out. Ideally with the assistance of some police officers to drive the point home.

Yes.

Original poster
ithinkitsdone · 01/02/2024 16:27

She is worried what will happen to him if she makes him leave. She did suggest it gently a few years back but it didn't go we.
He doesn't see his father.
She lives quite a way from her family.

OP posts:
CointreauVersial · 01/02/2024 16:28

This is abuse. If it was a husband inflicting these views on his wife, you'd be running to the authorities. No different it being his mother.

Sususudio · 01/02/2024 16:28

I think he may be mentally ill and probably needs urgent help.

Neriah · 01/02/2024 16:29

Karwomannghia · 01/02/2024 16:25

He sounds like he is mentally ill, has she sought any help before now?

I have to admit, I thought either this or radicalised. Sorry, but no version of Islam forces conversion (it is actually in the Quran - Muslims are not allowed to force people to convert), and nobody wears the hijab around the house!

Shadowssang · 01/02/2024 16:32

This is nothing to do with Islam, she’s in an abusive relationship with her son and she can either be an abuse victim for the rest of her life or escape. If it was my friend I’d be begging her to see a therapist and do the freedom program.

The guy sounds like a bit of a psychopath to be honest. V tricky that it’s her son.

DdyDaisyDaresYou · 01/02/2024 16:35

Absolutely agree he is abusive & she should kick him out.

Also, no expert on Islam but believe women aren't required to cover their hair around immediate family members of either sex.

IlsSortLaPlupartAuNuitMostly · 01/02/2024 16:36

This is coercive control and she needs support.

cocunut · 01/02/2024 16:36

From a safeguarding POV this is a huge red flag for Radicalisation. Im not at all being Islamophobic and I understand that religion brings comfort to so many people. However this is something that childcare professionals are taught to look out for. Just a thought.

Original poster
ithinkitsdone · 01/02/2024 16:37

I don't live in same part of UK so only see her in person about 5 times a year.
We have tried to frame this as abusive but she doesn't want to hear it.
I agree it is like radicalisation and the religion isn't really the issue.
He has very strong opinions on most things, slot of it deeply misogynistic and sexist.

She would not think he is mentally ill.
Last year at a get together, another friend came who hasn't seen her son for years and asked if he had been assessed for neuro divergence (after having to listen to a lecture for ages on why women are bitches). My dear pal was so upset that anyone could suggest that about her son.

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 01/02/2024 16:39

Would you ring 101, his behaviour is very concerning. He needs referring to the Prevent programme

Bracksonsboss · 01/02/2024 16:40

This is such an abusive relationship. She needs to throw him out asap.

Nicaced10 · 01/02/2024 16:43

She defo needs to speak out asap ! I’d also be extremely worried for his frame of mind and if he’s behaving like this where it could lead to. He sounds like he’s possibly been manipulated online this is a very common thing to convert etc

But this sounds terrible I truly hope she can get support.

Tilandsia · 01/02/2024 16:44

I second the advice to report to Prevent. A quick google shows there is help and support for people experiencing child on parent abuse. Could you call them for advice?

MamaAlwaysknowsbest · 01/02/2024 16:44

He is radicalised, abusive and mentally unwell. She should refer him to all relevant local authorities and let them get on with him

Blueskies2024 · 01/02/2024 16:46

There are two parts to this. First of all your friend is the victim of domestic abuse and this needs reporting and stopping. Secondly I think her son is showing extremist views by way if forcing her to not celebrate her own religious celebrations and forcing her to wear a hijab. What's next?? This needs bringing to the local authorities and police attention. Please don't think I'm going over the top but this is how things start and occasionally end up with terrible results. He needs monitoring. Please google PREVENT DUTY.

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