Help, husband pees all over the floor and gets angry when I point it out!

[Unicornsarefab]

I'm aware of the male physiology and understand that sometimes things don't go where they should. Do your men pee? Is it your job to clean it up or do they do it?

I am surrounded by boys in my house, I'm trying to teach my kids that it's polite to make sure the toilet is left clean after every use. Got into an argument with husband the other night after he had just used the loo and I went in after him, there was pee all over the floor, I called him on it and he got annoyed at me and said some horrible things and said I treated him like a child! I told him he was disrespectful and how could I teach the boys if this was his attitude. He got annoyed again and stormed off to bed. No, he didn't clean his mess first.

How do I try to communicate that this is not OK. I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut to save arguments. Any help appreciated.

Just dump him. Better to waste ten years on him than 25.

I'm reading this and I want to point out what you say in your own words:

I am scared
his behaviour was appalling
I couldn't win
I'm feeling guilty
I also feel embarrassed
let him weasel his way back into my life. I feel guilty that he'll probably struggle financially if we seperate.

Are any of these good reasons to stay with him?

There's not a single good word that you have to say about him: you just have a fear of leaving him and feel guilty and obliged to stay with him.

What in it for you? What's he giving you? The man won't even clean his own piss up off the floor so you don't have to tread on it! He's not feeling guilty about that, so do you think he'd have much concern for you if he thought you might struggle financially? Why waste the energy thinking the reverse?

Be more afraid of the example this pig of a man is setting for your sons than any of the weak reasons you gave for staying with him.

Well he didn't keep his pathetic snivelling promise to behave better, did he? He is literally taking the piss.

You can leave him again, just make it for the last time, this time, and ignore his crocodile tears.

Honestly I wouldn't have time for this, I've also never dated someone who pees on the floor and my 5 yr old boy can piss in the toilet just fine but if he gets it on the seat he wipes it off and I didn't even teach him that.

Your husband is an asshole. Ask him what he expects happens if you just left the pee, everytime he went to the toilet and peed on the floor, what would happen after 6 months of you not cleaning that up. And why should you be cleaning a adult man's pee up?

I'd call it a day. He's not even capable of pissing straight and blames you??? Fucking prick. That's honestly such a pathetically low bar for himself I'm embarrassed. You're right to worry about the image it shows your sons, he's not a good role model, to put it mildly. Men and boys are perfectly capable of pissing straight. The difference with him is he just doesn't want to. Fuck that!

And their children. Getting up in the night to go to the toilet in wee bare feet and standing in daddy's piss. Disgusting.

@Unicornsarefab

Your only mistake was taking this disgusting pig back. This time dump him for good. He is a terrible role model for your boys. As PP said, if you stay, you will end up cleaning up after all of them.

You have no reason to feel guilty. The position you are both in now in is all down to him being a dirty, disrespectful twat. So what if he struggles financially? It's his own stupid fault and not your problem.

@Unicornsarefab And yes you do deserve better than this.

My exH was like this. In the end he had his own bathroom and I used the children's. His was beyond awful. Worse than uncleaned public toilets as I refused to clean up his piss and he wouldn't lower himself to do 'women's work'

My pre teen has never pissed on the floor since being able to go alone or has at least sorted it himself if he has.

Your 'd' is a pig.

What a twat! I'd be fuming! Men are such babies I swear!

This man is a pig who has absolutely no respect for you.
Get rid of him for good this time otherwise your boys will start thinking it's acceptable to behave this way as they will be copying what he is doing

Op I'm surrounded by makes.. my 6 year old still occasionally pees on the floor however my husband and 8 year old can manage to hit the target! Your husband is disgusting and disrespectful!

"Really unsure how to navigate my way through this."

LTB

...especially so after your update!

That's seriously disgusting.
A grown ass man who cannot urinate without dripping pee everywhere.
Does he REALLY need a lesson in how to pee tidily?

Do your sons need to teach him?
How shameful!
He should sit down if he can't manage to pee tidily standing up.

@Unicornsarefab 4 pages in, is there a medical reason why his urine goes in an unintended direction? hypospadias, tight foreskin? next is he being lazy sitting on the toilet with his penis NOT tucked under and it leaking between the seat and the bowl rim? is he waiting too long to make it to the toilet on time? and how much fluid does he or does he not drink?

hubby and two adult sons, urine on the floor is a rarity (think semi annually) and dh is usually mortified this happened.

You could reframe this and think you showed your boys that you'd you gave him every possible chance before ending things permanently.

OP Your story could be mine (my husband didn’t pee all over the floor though, but he did lots of other passive aggressive things, and outright aggressive things). I elected to stay the second time because I was also embarrassed that I’d let myself be taken in a second time, and I put up with it because of our children - and I regret it to this day. I’m now old and stuck living with this angry old man. I stay in a separate part of the house from him (I have my own little room with bathroom) and the only room we share is the kitchen. I have made a life outside the home thank god. And when at home I read and study and keep my mind busy. But if I’d left when I could, who knows what happier life I might have been able to make for myself.

my youngest child has very much copied some of his father’s worst faults. He’s now an adult and it hurts me to know that if I had left the second time, chances are I could have mitigated some of this damage. Maybe not. But staying certainly didn’t make it better.

For myself, I absolutely made the very worst decision by staying. If I could turn back time I’d be out like a shot.

You could reframe this and think you showed your boys that you'd you gave him every possible chance before ending things permanently.

i agree @tothelefttotheleft

I am scared to end it, not because I feel threatened but because we did separate in 2022 because his behaviour was appalling

What other things does he do? He sounds absolutely awful based on what you’ve already said and it also sounds like he dislikes you. I wonder if he resents you for feeling like he had to beg to get you back and now he’s quietly getting revenge. If so, this kind of man is potentially very dangerous. You’re basically living with an enemy whose fragile ego depends on bringing you down a peg and degrading you.

He has absolutely no regard for you. How can he justify essentially forcing you to clean up his pee, let alone shutting you down when you raise it.

I know it’s disgusting and it may not be possible as you have kids living there too, but could you leave it the next time for as long as possible so he has to deal with it?

Unbelievable!
Why is he going on the floor? If he can't aim properly he should sit down