Partner asking me to 'cover up'

[Hurryupchristmas]

I abolutely adore my boyfriend, he is wonderful and treats me so well.

However he can be quite jealous/paranoid in certain situations.
One of which is when I go out with friends he's asked me to wear tops that completely cover my breasts, so no cleavage shows.
I have large boobs and yes they can attract attention from men on nights out, however it's not something I can control nor would I act on now I'm in a relationship.

He is quite adamant I'm not to wear certain tops and wants to see what I'm wearing before I go out. I understand his concerns about men looking at my chest, but feel a bit miffed I can't wear what I want. I dress pretty conservatively but a lot of my tops show the size of my boobs and I can't help that.

I don't know who is in the right to be honest, he says its like him going out showing off his crotch area but I don't think it's a similar comparison 🤔

I don't want to make him annoyed and feel uneasy when I'm out, but at the same time I want to dress up and look nice when I go out with friends. Am I being unreasonable?

'You should always say No to a man about something early on, pet, and see how they react.'

Sage words from my gran, still useful.

I had a boyfriend I adored.

I thought he was different to the others. He was kind and gentle and respectful. He’d do anything for me. I felt so loved.

But then, little by little, he started to control what I did. He was afraid I was cheating on him. I reassured him at first because I thought he was just insecure. It culminated in him locking me in his flat, pinning me to the ground and assaulting me.

Since you've only been seeing each other 9 months, I really hope you are not already living together.

"I was doubting myself, isn't that mad!"
That's what they do to you, they make you start to doubt your own mind, and you think you are going crazy.

The hills are that way >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Since posting it's like someone has flicked a switch in my head, it's not ok at all. I was doubting myself, isn't that mad!

Good to read this.

I haven't read through all the comments yet so I hope someone else has also got a more positive spin on this like I do...

I have a wonderful husband, we have been together 7 years and have 2 kids.

I also have a large bust and I know if I wore something that made my husband uncomfortable and he raised that with me then 100% I would change and be completely fine with that.

I'm surprised there isn't a more balanced view in the comments I've read so far?

Definitely no red flags in our relationship, or with my husband.

Trust your gut OP.

I think it's a great plan, seeing how he will react. You will get everything you need to from that. Good luck OP, and don't let any man stop you from wearing what you want.

This is a HUGE red flag.
Ignore it at your peril.
This is how it starts, just one thing.......then another, then another until you are walking on eggshells all of the time and he is calling all the shots.

I've been there!!!!

Yep... totally controlling.

But why on earth would your husband be uncomfortable with any clothes, that you’ve already deemed suitable for yourself…?

Trying to control what you wear is abusive.

This is great news and you're right, his reaction will tell you everything. Anything but 'I'm so sorry I've been a complete twat' is not ok and even then I think I'd be out.

He may well be that way with regard to other things, OP, but it doesn't give him the right to control what you wear. I'm with pps - massive red flag, sadly. People who want to control what their partner wears nearly always become controlling in other ways.

Edited to add: Oops, I should have RTFT, but glad to see your update!

This is how it starts.

Amazing in every way. You are amazing in every way but….. please change how you dress.

No thank you. Bye Bye.

I’m sure he is lovely to you…as long as you do what he says.
start running, fast in the other direction

Major red flag.

Bet the jealousy is boiling in him when you go out if he is worried about men looking at your tops.

Love that this thread has opened OP’s eyes before she gets in too deep! So proud of you OP for listening and thinking it through and realising what’s happenings it can be so hard when the person is so nice in other ways.

Glad to hear you’re going to stand up for yourself. 👏👏👏

This is a huge red flag. He's controlling you and your right to make your own choices.

There's a big difference between someone giving their opinion when asked "does this look ok?" or "do you like this?" and someone imposing their will on you by saying you aren't 'allowed' to wear this or do that.

You can do better than this guy.

I've been in a relationship like this.

Other things-

• would get the silent treatment for hours if I didn't give him my immediate attention when he came home from work
• got the silent treatment when I made conversation with a bloke on a plane on a 1 hr flight from London.
• various comments made over the years to turn me against family and friends

Just various mind games.

In the beginning he acted like he adored me.

Nah mate, not mad, it’s what they do. Make it all sound so reasonable and such a small thing to do in return for them doing so much for you. But it’s never one small thing, and you can never just say no. Most of us are not advising you so strongly because we were born better at this crap, we’ve just met guys like that already unfortunately. Some of us hung onto them for far too long expecting a happy ending from it (nearly 20 years in my case!) At least after wasting my time I can use it to make sure you don’t waste yours! Best of luck to you.

I had a short lived ex like that. He threw a strop because l went topless on the beach.

l still go topless on the beach; my body my choice. But he is history.

He is not wonderful and does not treat you well.

Is he your ex-boyfriend yet?

Does he have a problem controlling himself around women wearing low clevage?

Yup.

Dump Now

The biggest red flag imaginable

He's already controlling you