Partner asking me to 'cover up'

[Hurryupchristmas]

I abolutely adore my boyfriend, he is wonderful and treats me so well.

However he can be quite jealous/paranoid in certain situations.
One of which is when I go out with friends he's asked me to wear tops that completely cover my breasts, so no cleavage shows.
I have large boobs and yes they can attract attention from men on nights out, however it's not something I can control nor would I act on now I'm in a relationship.

He is quite adamant I'm not to wear certain tops and wants to see what I'm wearing before I go out. I understand his concerns about men looking at my chest, but feel a bit miffed I can't wear what I want. I dress pretty conservatively but a lot of my tops show the size of my boobs and I can't help that.

I don't know who is in the right to be honest, he says its like him going out showing off his crotch area but I don't think it's a similar comparison 🤔

I don't want to make him annoyed and feel uneasy when I'm out, but at the same time I want to dress up and look nice when I go out with friends. Am I being unreasonable?

He is abusive. It will only get worse.

He is controlling

you are not wrong. This will get worse. Huge red flag

This. Get out now.

Put him in the bin

I promise he isn't abusive, so laid back, always happy and caring to me.

He is definitely being unreasonable and controlling. Any other controlling behaviours?

This isn’t ‘wonderful and treating you well’. It’s controlling and abusive behaviour and it will escalate.

Major red flag.

Anyone expecting you to change your behaviour is a serious concern.

Read up about controlling behaviours.

Especially read up about love bombing.

Except when he tells you how to dress. Next stage is you didn't cover up enough so men were looking at you and it's your fault.

He’s trying to control what you wear. That’s the drip feed abuse beginning.

Massive red flag. Horrible, controlling behaviour that is likely to get worse over time. Get out while you still can!

The only thing he should be saying before you go on a night out is "you look nice, have a great time".

How long have you been together?

This is the start of controlling behaviour. Next it will be discouraging you from going on nights out but he trusts you not them.

It's a red flag ignore it at your peril.

No nothing, he is very laid back generally.

A laid back man doesn’t tell his partner what she can wear.

He doesn’t need to be doing all of these or even more than one

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/

This is how it starts. One or two asks, you're not keen but it keeps him happy. Then he starts to text you when you're out to check what you're doing. He doesn't like these friends you go out with so he starts to make a fuss when you make plans with them and then you feel a bit guilty for wanting to go ...

You think men start this shit by punching your teeth out?

They push a little, see if you back down. Then a little more.

So first will be the cover up. Then cover a bit more. Then that style is too much. Then do you really need to go there/do that/ see this person? Then do you need to go out without me? Then your family is trying to split us up, if you loved me you'd cut them out...

One day you open your eyes and you realise your world has been reduced to him alone and everything you do is only with his approval.

Buy yourself a burka, why not.

Never go on a beach holiday

Never buy a lovely dress

Accept full responsibility for other people’s response to you.

Job done.

or tell him to fuck off with his victim blaming attitude.

Do not stay in a relationship with someone who thinks they have a right to control you.
Irrational jealousy is only going to get worse over time and you’ll end up walking ok eggshells.

Tell him - either he deals with his issues - or there is no future.

Or nice tassels, if you get a more exotic garment.

Except when you don't dress as he thinks y you should.

Would he still be laid back and happy if you told him that you're an adult and you'll dress however you please?

Laid back men are not jealous and controlling and they don’t victim blame

You ignore the red flags re him at your emotional peril. Such abuse starts slowly and ramps up over time; your boundaries here are being steadily eroded by your boyfriend.

As Mrs Danvers rightly states in her post when you've said "I promise he isn't abusive, so laid back, always happy and caring to me".

"Except when he tells you how to dress. Next stage is you didn't cover up enough so men were looking at you and it's your fault". Telling you to cover up is controlling behaviour and is therefore abusive. Abuse is also not just physical in nature.

What happens if you don't let him have a say in how you dress? That's your barometer.

Everyone dislikes something their partner does but being in a relationship is about making peace with that and knowing they are their own person. If he can't do that and sulks/stops/manipulates, then run.