Partner asking me to 'cover up'

[Hurryupchristmas]

I abolutely adore my boyfriend, he is wonderful and treats me so well.

However he can be quite jealous/paranoid in certain situations.
One of which is when I go out with friends he's asked me to wear tops that completely cover my breasts, so no cleavage shows.
I have large boobs and yes they can attract attention from men on nights out, however it's not something I can control nor would I act on now I'm in a relationship.

He is quite adamant I'm not to wear certain tops and wants to see what I'm wearing before I go out. I understand his concerns about men looking at my chest, but feel a bit miffed I can't wear what I want. I dress pretty conservatively but a lot of my tops show the size of my boobs and I can't help that.

I don't know who is in the right to be honest, he says its like him going out showing off his crotch area but I don't think it's a similar comparison 🤔

I don't want to make him annoyed and feel uneasy when I'm out, but at the same time I want to dress up and look nice when I go out with friends. Am I being unreasonable?

I saw a great piece of graffiti recently that sums up @Hurryupchristmas 's attitude at the beginning of this thread. I'm really please you have listened to the majority of posters and realised this could be a very bad sign.

YANBU
He has no right to dictate what you wear . If he is telling you then I agree with others , it’s a red flag! Is he telling or asking? If he’s asking then it’s still not right and I would be cautious but it could be that he’s very insecure so maybe a chat about this ? Either way it’s your body, it’s not up to him how you dress .

I like to dress up and have a bit of cleavage out . I like heels and I like to feel “sexy”. My husband has never and would never ask or tell me to cover up! He tells me I look gorgeous and says things like “ I’m glad I’m the one going home with you ! “ - it makes me feel great as I don’t have a lot of confidence as I’ve put a little weight on over the years so I’m not as confident as I was , that’s how a husband/ partner should make you feel x

@Somepeoplearesnippy did you mean to post that photo?!

OP also be aware that abuse typically ramps up as you lose independence - moving in together, moving away to a new area, and particularly pregnancy and having a baby. Because it's harder for you to leave.

Have absolutely cast iron contraception until you figure this guy out!

Please explain to him that you’re an adult who can choose what you wear. That you are not responsible for other men noticing your cleavage. That he needs to trust that you are dressing for you and no one else. And that he needs to accept that if he wants to be with you. Don’t capitulate or he will believe that he can control other things about you. If he can’t accept that then, sadly, you need to let him go.

This isn't concern, it's abuse.

Sorry OP, but
he is wonderful and treats me so well

is totally incompatible with
However he can be quite jealous/paranoid in certain situations

It's like saying "He's so lovely when he's not thumping me" 😟

The fact that you haven't twigged this means you are used to being treated badly. I can relate to that from my past, but it doesn't always have to be this way. Make 2024 the year you stop wasting time on losers like this

My guess is, he will be the one dropping her.

Where is she supposed to hide her breasts whilst she's testing him?

Again, really glad you’ve seen the light, OP.

This man really explains it - broaden the word ‘narcissist’ for abuser (in general), and his really enlightens as to why they’re all ‘lovely’ and ‘kind’ and ‘caring’ in the early days to reel you.

…and then only start to show their true colours once you’re hooked

If the narcissist/abuser was actually honest.

Bin the boyfriend.

Free the boobs.

You are a woman with tits. We all have them. You live in a free country not under a religious regime.
He is insecure. Don’t feel ashamed of your shape. He should NOT be telling you what to ware. Honestly it’s his issue/insecurity. You can’t give in to this “request “ tell him to grow some balls and stop being a big wet man. Don’t even entertain it.
look.. you know the answer to this anyway.

What does "respectfully dress" mean though? If a woman loves and respects herself then she will feel confident wearing whatever the hell she wants, and not give a shiny one about what other people think.

As a follow-up, should men "respectfully dress " too?

@mintyfresh01

the 1950’s is that way Hun 👈

This is a massive red flag. Get out, fast.

Definetley abusive. I had an ex like this. Lovebombed me at first then came the controlling behaviour fuelled by his insecurity. Run

I’m late to this thread so I doubt I have much to add, but I have enormous breasts.

Back when I first met DH and I wasn’t the middle aged woman I am now I used to wear all manner of mad shit.

He used to love going out with me when I was dressed up, he said he liked ‘showing me off’ and he still does (albeit deluded these days!).

If I went out alone regardless of what I wore he’d say ‘you look amazing - have fun’.

He’s insecure and it’s dangerous and this will not be the end.

Sounds like my husband, it isn't abusive. He just has standards about how women should respectfully dress themselves.

’standards’? These men really do a number on some women don’t they?

Yeah, no.

He is holding YOU accountable for other people's actions. Actions he is merely supposing.

What happens if a man talks to you?

There is no question that he is in the wrong. Wear wtf you like and get a new boyfriend.

Please watch this and see if you can draw any parallels..
I am Nicola

@Hurryupchristmas why not wear what you would normally wear and ignore his input? If he doesn't react in a negative way whatsoever, you are correct he's lovely and the rest of us are wrong.
I truly hope we are.
If he reacts in a less positive way, please end it because it will escalate until you don't know who are.
There is not one woman on here who wants to be proven to be right.
This is life experience we are sharing.

Why are his "standards" more important than those of the woman who is dressing herself?

Dear OP my ex-husband was exactly like this. He would veto what I would wear to work every evening, ready for the next morning. He was fine about what I wore when he was with me but not when we was not together.
Just before we split up, he had installed an App which tracked me and also sent copies to him of my incoming and outgoing texts and phone calls.
He also didn't like visiting my family or friends (as they could see him for exactly what he was) but we had to visit his family all the time!
Obviously the relationship didn't start this way, small things crept in over time such as ringing me when I was travelling to and from work and getting very cross if I didn't answer (even though the mobile signal is quite bad in places where I live).

Nobody has the right to tell you what to wear - your body your choice.

Throw the whole man in the bin. You are an adult, and I’m sure you are well aware of how to dress yourself appropriately. It is not his business to approve what you wear. Tell him to take his insecurities elsewhere.

He either trusts you or he doesn't. Wear what you want