Partner asking me to 'cover up'

[Hurryupchristmas]

I abolutely adore my boyfriend, he is wonderful and treats me so well.

However he can be quite jealous/paranoid in certain situations.
One of which is when I go out with friends he's asked me to wear tops that completely cover my breasts, so no cleavage shows.
I have large boobs and yes they can attract attention from men on nights out, however it's not something I can control nor would I act on now I'm in a relationship.

He is quite adamant I'm not to wear certain tops and wants to see what I'm wearing before I go out. I understand his concerns about men looking at my chest, but feel a bit miffed I can't wear what I want. I dress pretty conservatively but a lot of my tops show the size of my boobs and I can't help that.

I don't know who is in the right to be honest, he says its like him going out showing off his crotch area but I don't think it's a similar comparison 🤔

I don't want to make him annoyed and feel uneasy when I'm out, but at the same time I want to dress up and look nice when I go out with friends. Am I being unreasonable?

This reminds me of an absolute C word of a boyfriend my sister used to have. He ended throwing out several of MY nice tops I had lended her to try on for a night out.
He felt justified because we didn't need to be dressing like sluts when we were taken women.
He started out all lovely too.
His insecurity is not your burden to bear.

Abusive men are often truly lovely at the beginning of a relationship, but do listen to everyones warning of "the huge red flag". Get out ot the relationship, before you emotionally or physically distroyed by it all.

Sounds like my abusive ex.

This. For "standards", read "demands". For "respectfully dressed" see pics of man and his male children on a very hot day having a lovely time bathing in the sea while his wife/kids mother stands roasting on the beach head to foot, face covered, in a black shroud.

Sounds like my husband, it isn't abusive. He just has standards about how women should respectfully dress themselves.

Hmm. It is abusive, as how you dress is your decision. He can have his standards but unless they're also your standards he's cordially invited to GtF.

Damn, pressed post too soon.

Hurryupchristmas your boyfriend is a thug who deserves nothing but contempt. BIn him as he's not worth a second of your time.

As someone actually IN an abusive relationship, this is definitely abusive. It may not seem like it, but it's controlling, and that is the first steps. Get out now!

Run! Save yourself.

This is just how it starts. It may not seem like much but, believe me, it’ll get much, much worse if you allow it to.

As others have rightly pointed out, this is how it starts.

You’ve only been with him for 9 months, so it’s early days and he’s just letting the mask start to slip at this point.

This behaviour is controlling.

Massive big red flag 🚩

I know you dont think hes controlling and may not show signs in any other area of your relationship- but THIS IS CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR.
I also understand you dont want the confrontation or whatever with him, but you wear what you want and let him know he doesnt have a say!!! !!!!!
Its not the same as the crotch reference at all.

See, the op literally isn't worried that the man is abusive, you all said he is
Don't woman have an instinct that a man
Is abusive?
Also, dont know what other comparison to make tbh
But I can tell you that I feel uncomfortable at seeing a woman stare at my partner at the beach for example and would ask him to wear a t shirt I mean no one stares when he is wearing a t shirt so I feel thats an acceptable request,
I'm not actually from the UK so I guess my culture is different but I honestly don't understand why a husband or wife can't ask each other things like this?
Why wouldn't we accommodate our feelings if they are acceptable

Most definitely not, hun. You're astute.

Please tell us that you're okay! This is your last post and I'm terrified that he might have physically attacked you or worse!!!!

That's.... Weird man.

I’m so glad you’ve been so receptive to what people have told you @Hurryupchristmas .

Please let us know you get on on Saturday.

If they did, do you think they'd end up in relationships where they're being beaten?
You think a man comes up to you in a bar, punches you in the face and says hi, I'm Ben, want to go on a date?

Ignore the first signs at your peril.

And no. It's not ok for the ops boyfriend of nine months to forbid her from wearing tops he doesn't approve of and demand she shows him outfits she's planning on wearing in order that he can give his permission or ban her from wearing them. Wtf is wrong with you that you think that's ok?

It isn't acceptable to ask someone to be physically uncomfortable just because you're insecure. If a man said that he'd get slaughtered.

I suppose this threads been useful to remind us that women can be controlling with their OHs.

It's also a useful reminder that there are some batshit people out there. There's been twilight zone music reading some of these posts.

Why wouldn't we accommodate our feelings if they are acceptable

Theyre not acceptable, that’s the whole point @sunshinestar1986

*They’re

Just wanted to add to my previous hell no post
This is how it was for my friend.
He hated her going out without him, I remember going round to hers to pick her up so to speak before going to the pub .
Was waiting for her to come downstairs, she came downstairs and he was like "you're not going out dressed like that."
Me - "who are you, her Dad?!"
Never liked me from then on lol, apparently was a bad influence 🙄
It turned out it wasn't just her clothes he had a problem with. Was abusive physical and emotionally in more ways than one

@GLC789
So glad you got out of there
Like for my friend, he isolated her from people who cared about her

@Hurryupchristmas remember what the others have said! He might back down for a while. He may try insidious covert other ways.

Be wary! Even if his reaction is OK. Remember, he can do it in other ways.

Also, most importantly, your git knew there was something wrong to be asking this question.

Even if he backs down Saturday, watch out for constant texting and reaction when you get in or the next day. Keep yourself safe please. Let us know how it goes

THIS is the big test babe .. the VERY first time to see if you do it or not .. DO NOT GIVE IN or this will spiral … tell him to bugger off and that you’ll wear what you like. Whether you stay with him is up to you .. I send you much love babe x