Partner asking me to 'cover up'

[Hurryupchristmas]

I abolutely adore my boyfriend, he is wonderful and treats me so well.

However he can be quite jealous/paranoid in certain situations.
One of which is when I go out with friends he's asked me to wear tops that completely cover my breasts, so no cleavage shows.
I have large boobs and yes they can attract attention from men on nights out, however it's not something I can control nor would I act on now I'm in a relationship.

He is quite adamant I'm not to wear certain tops and wants to see what I'm wearing before I go out. I understand his concerns about men looking at my chest, but feel a bit miffed I can't wear what I want. I dress pretty conservatively but a lot of my tops show the size of my boobs and I can't help that.

I don't know who is in the right to be honest, he says its like him going out showing off his crotch area but I don't think it's a similar comparison 🤔

I don't want to make him annoyed and feel uneasy when I'm out, but at the same time I want to dress up and look nice when I go out with friends. Am I being unreasonable?

Oh, dear...

Spot on!

Or ‘don’t get a cab I’ll pick you up’ then they start turning up an hour early so you leave before the end.

Be very careful!
As everyone else here is saying - no, this absolutely NOT OK and potentially he is a coercive controller / abuser. This is how it starts.

He obviously doesn't trust you so he can't be that caring.

This is control. It’s how my abusive relationship started. And I would have said the same as you. He’s so nice to me and treats me well. First it was what I could wear and who I could have as friends. Eventually I was getting hit multiple times a week, stole from, cheated on and my life threatened all the time. Just be careful because it usually starts with a single red flag.

SamW98 · If she wants to stay with him, and her showing cleavage makes him uncomfortable, she should stop showing cleavage. If she wants to keep showing cleavage, she should leave him and find someone who doesn't mind

Him feeling uncomfortable is HIS responsibility NOT hers!!! Dear Me!

Yeah…I’m with the majority on here. His issues are his own. You should be able to go out in a bra and a pelmet helmet, if you want to (maybe not advisable for health reasons in this weather, though!). Glad you’re taking steps to readdress the balance, no matter how lovely he is otherwise.

Hellll no.
Do not let him tell you what to wear for goodness sake.
Get the heck out of there, it'll only get worse

If he is not trying to control you, he will have no problem when you tell him it has absolutely nothing to do with him how you dress, your body, your clothes, your choice.

But I have a feeling that won't be the case, he will start to make you think that you are wrong for dressing that way, make you think it's your idea to dress more conservative, because that's what good women do, good wives do, he may even give you the silent treatment when you ignore his requests to dress you, like you are his possession. Then it may even get worse.

This is a massive red flag.

Please end this relationship. It's not normal.behaviour. you can do better.

I hope she's okay, now.

OP, just to chime in with everyone else.

I'm sorry. This is control. It's abuse. It will get worse. Please take care if you decide to leave and as try to extricate yourself, this can often anger an abuser. The best way to do so is 'grey rock'.

Severe ptsd. But getting there slowly thanks

My ex started loving the me that wore little tops, mini kilts and make up. Then we moved onto the tops that covered more, then long flowing skirts with jumpers up to the neck. His attitude to my makeup was the same.

Then he got emotionally abusive, then physically. He was a really caring guy who was thoughtful and brought me gifts and flowers...

My lovely DH doesn't care what I wear although he'd rather I didn't go topless or naked 😂 which I think is a fair level of possessiveness.

If you've big boobs you need to show some cleavage otherwise you look really barrel chested. Tell him that you're not going to change the way you dress for him and that if he's uncomfortable then perhaps he's the one with the problem. Hopefully he'll show that he's a little insecure rather than being a complete arse x

Exactly. And that’s at this early stage, while he’s still lovebombing you! He’ll soon be finding other little faults in you that he needs to correct. And as long as you obey, he’ll be nice. Until he isn’t.

He is quite adamant I'm not to wear certain tops and wants to see what I'm wearing before I go out.

Think about this, OP. A massive red flag. Who made him the big boss? Would you accept this from anyone else? Why should you accept it from someone who’s meant to love and respect you?

If he wants to control you and you stand up to him, he'll back off but the instinct for him to do it will be there.

Those news reports you see with women beaten to pieces or killed and you wonder why they didn't just leave - it's because abuse isn't an on/off switch, it starts with something that seems fairly minor. Then you give way on that and it goes on to the next thing.

It's good that you're on the alert for it, but I'd be very suspicious of whether he's the good guy you think he is.

Bloody hell. Yes. Always seemed so considerate and kind at the time. Wouldn't let me walk anywhere, go anywhere, he could get me in the car. So kind. So helpful. So controlling.

You can also do a Clare's Law request to your local police force I think OP, see if he has convictions for previous abuse

Very well done for posting here, @Hurryupchristmas

You said : “However he can be quite jealous/paranoid in certain situations.”

In what other situations is he jealous or paranoid?

☝️

Stand your ground and wear what you wish and see how he reacts.
Or say (calmly) I will wear whatever I wish accept it .. watch out for his reaction

Why am I tagged in this post when I didn’t say anything of the sort?

Eeermmm, NO, OP. Red flag 🚩

I dated a guy like this once. It then turned into him trying to control how much makeup I wore (at the time I only wore mascara), then he had an issue with the fact that I had male friends… I dumped him after he got mad at me for not showing him my phone after I had deleted a string of promotional texts I had received.

He thought I was hiding something. Run for the hills. You can find someone who loves you dearly that isn’t controlling.

Oh he will push further phoning you when your out asking who your with when are you coming home you get to the stage of not going out as not worth the hassle then he'll be happy your in with him then suddenly he starts going out but you cannot ask him where he's going or who with or when he'll be back as you have no right to question him

Get rid!