Partner asking me to 'cover up'

[Hurryupchristmas]

I abolutely adore my boyfriend, he is wonderful and treats me so well.

However he can be quite jealous/paranoid in certain situations.
One of which is when I go out with friends he's asked me to wear tops that completely cover my breasts, so no cleavage shows.
I have large boobs and yes they can attract attention from men on nights out, however it's not something I can control nor would I act on now I'm in a relationship.

He is quite adamant I'm not to wear certain tops and wants to see what I'm wearing before I go out. I understand his concerns about men looking at my chest, but feel a bit miffed I can't wear what I want. I dress pretty conservatively but a lot of my tops show the size of my boobs and I can't help that.

I don't know who is in the right to be honest, he says its like him going out showing off his crotch area but I don't think it's a similar comparison 🤔

I don't want to make him annoyed and feel uneasy when I'm out, but at the same time I want to dress up and look nice when I go out with friends. Am I being unreasonable?

Indeed. Very rarely used to control men. Funny that, isn't it?

Also be aware @Hurryupchristmas - at 9 months in you don’t actually know him.

People can put up a facade for about 2 years. He will reveal himself Im willing to bet. Be careful.

Does it matter if that is the case? It's her body, she can emphasise whatever she wants to make her feel good and like she looks nice.

Personally I don't like a low cut top, I have big boobs and they make me conscious so I don't like it. But if someone else does, that's fine.

In all liklihood its just that the majority of "dressy" clothes do emphasise her boobs. That tends to be the way when you're chesty, it's virtually impossible to hide them. But your comment comes across quite judgy.

Ah so that would make it OK would it?

This is where it starts. Something relatively small ('i'd rather you didn't wear that') but it will escalate. Unfortunately I've seen a family member go through exactly this - and (unknown to us at the time) it started with small comments about what she wore, and then who she spoke to when out. Over the next few years it got much, much worse. If he is truly 'caring' then tell him you'll wear what you like and if he says 'ok' then great. Any other reaction, I'd end it right now.

Isn't it normal to want to emphasise what you see as your best feature?

Whatever you do, don't let him move in with you, or he will be watching you all the time.

Well done OP. Now, the litmus test at the weekend.
Not all controlling men become aggressive. It can be more subtle. My DM has been with her 'd'h since 1970. When I was a child , she dressed in jeans, jumpers etc. at home, she dressed 'up' to go out with him. I didn't think anything about it, although it was 4 times a week. She always went to his. We were left with DGM.He never ever came even to the door, waiting in the car. Never spoke to us kids. We were pre schoolers when they got together.
They moved into a place together with me and DBro in 1984. She never wore jeans again. Apparently, women/ girls should only wear blouses, skirts and cardigans. He tried imposing that rule on me! I flatly refused. That was one of the factors in him pushing a wedge between her and her family.
Over the years, he has stopped her seeing us. She has never had her gc to tea and hasn't met her dgc because he would 'disapprove'. No violence, but emotional controlling.
also a homophobic, racist twat

Tell him he needs to wear a bag on his head every time he goes out.

He'll take that as she thinks he's so handsome women will be throwing themselves at him...

I was in a relationship where the man asked me to stop wearing 'so much makeup'. I was young and I loved him so even though I loved makeup and always had, I stopped. Then it was my clothes...

Fast forward a couple of years and he was locking me in my bedroom so I couldn't go out.

I'm glad you are taking everyone's words on board. I promise you, this is not a laid back man.

Omg, honey. This is your future.....in a nutshell😐

I second all PP's. This is controlling and a major red flag.

If I wear a top with cleavage to go out with the girls, DH would probably wolf whistle and make some dirty joke when he saw me 😂 it isn't acceptable to ask you to cover up, a nice guy wouldn't do that.

That's because you're appeasing him.

Tell him that you'll wear what you like thanks very much, and head out in a skin tight bustier and let's see how laid back and caring he is then.

You've been handed a red flag on a plate, but I'm pleased to read you're going out 'boobs ahoy'. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

Seriously?!
Big red flag here too!! Her body, her choice.

You dress for you, in whatever makes you feel confident, comfortable and happy.

What business is that of yours? OP doesn't owe you a justification of her clothing tastes, any more than she owes one to this bloke.

Happy to hear your follow-up, OP!

he says its like him going out showing off his crotch area but I don't think it's a similar comparison 🤔**

So for the sake of argument, if you went out showing off your crotch area, what would that equate to?

He may or may not be abusive, but he's definitely a bit thick.

I see on the last update OP has only been with him 9 months, which definitely makes a difference when assessing these things. I assumed they had been together years and this was an archaic idea he had with no other behaviours. Wrong assumption on my part there.

Wow so many people saying he's controlling, bin him etc. I mean it could well be, but he could also be looking out for you because he knows how SOME men think... if you've got your boobs on the show they might see it as an invitation. Hopefully you can find middle ground OP 🌸

Are you for real? No boyfriend/husband/partner should be telling you what to wear in any circumstances. If you give in to this, you're giving him permission to control other areas of your life - how long before he doesn't want you going out without him at all?

Good lord no, have you read any of my posts!!??

This is not ok
it is a form of abuse, controlling behaviour
is not on , slippery slope
get rid