Last minute cancellation. Take it at face value or throw this one back?

[Itslegitimatesalvage]

I’ve been dating a guy for a little while and last weekend, we spent the night together for the first time. Been chatting everyday like normal but didn’t see each other over the weekend for the first time since we started dating. Arranged to meet after work today, so I drove half an hour into the city to meet him. I was waiting in a coffee shop around 400 meters from his flat, when he messaged to say he’d been in a bad mood since getting soaked going to work that morning and wouldn’t be good company so would it be ok to cancel. I couldn’t exactly argue with him or say he had to come so I said that’s fine and just went back to the car and drove home, but being a few minutes walk from
his flat and told to go home… that’s a hard rejection to swallow. I don’t know whether to let it go and take it as he said; just a bad day or if this is a bit too far to cancel like that. Should I start to distance it, leave it now?

He’s gas lighting you. This -to me - screams a real dislike for women

hes testing you to see what bollocks and scraps you’ll accept. If you go back for more he’ll do worse. He’s showing you who he is.

DO NOT REPLY. Just block him and chalk this one up to bad luck.

I would actually reply with what you've said here - I think he needs to know that you've seen he's a bit of a nob. I'd add on that you're not going to take it any further.

In the bin.

If it had been - really sorry but stuck at work - or really sorry but have a rotten headache I hoped it would get better - then fine.

But "I'm in a bad mood!"? No.

Cheeky fucker. Putting out feelers to see if you have any self respect or whether he got away with it.

Ignore, ghost, delete.

Not sure if he's being purposely obtuse but I do think you need to spell it out for him that he could have cancelled before you arranged childcare and drove half an hour. And then block/ignore.

You arranged childcare

fuck him

sorry op
disappointing behaviours

I’m sorry but I would let him know exactly how you feel, let him know that cancelling that late, due to childcare was really a let down and not acceptable. I presume he doesn’t have children to look after and doesn’t understand how parenting works. Depending on how much you like him, whether you want to continue seeing him and give him another chance, but I would also have told him I’m already in the coffee shop. Men can be selfish arseholes and only think of themselves.

I would send him a lovely message explaining that he is a lovely bloke and you didn’t really want to do this by text but you just don’t feel it sexually and you are not interested in a relationship with poor sex. And then block.

It’ll drive him mad thinking he is a crap shag.

But I am quite evil so don’t listen to me!

I’m sorry this happened to you. So he cancelled your date, knowing you were already in the meeting place and knowing that you had arranged childcare.

His message this morning just shows he doesn’t think there was anything wrong with what he did, meaning that he’d be quite happy to let you down again…

definitely throw this one back!

Don't even wait for a message from him...block this loser

I don’t want to be cruel for cruelness’ sake. It won’t make me feel any better and will just make someone else feel bad. Not really my style. I’d rather he not think, “lucky escape,” if he ever thinks about me as well.

We’re just in sync and don’t see things like this the same way. I’d have dragged myself out if someone had gone to that trouble and was literally a few hundred meters down the road. He just told me he wasn’t up to it at the last minute without any real reason. So, whatever else I liked… we just don’t have the same attitude when it comes to treating people well. I’m just going to leave it at nothing said rather than being mean or petty or even sending a “nice to meet you but bye” message. I think just nothing is appropriate here.

Having a bad day and being in a grump should have been even more reason for him to have been looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to double down on the grump and sulk alone doesn't bode well.

Well done for your excellent self-esteem, OP.

I would be inclined to tell him you didn’t appreciate the way he treated you as you’d arranged childcare and travelled to meet him, and you would advise him to be a bit more considerate to the next woman he’s seeing, and goodbye.

I don't think ghosting him is taking the high ground.

OP - you’re doing the absolute right thing just not replying. I never see the point in sending petty spiteful replies or essays telling him where he went wrong. If by 42 he doesn’t get it, he’s never going to.

Hes shown you who he is - delete and move on.

It's amusing, though. I wonder how many messages he will send before he realises that he has been binned?

If men are only interested in the chase and not the woman, it doesn’t matter how long you ‘make them wait’. They’ll still ghost afterwards.

I did something similar once. Misread 14:00 for 4pm for an afternoon date. By the time I realised it was too late so I made up some crappy excuse as too embarrassed to admit I couldn’t tell the time. I was so thrown back into the pond. ☹️. My mistake, but I wasn’t trying to play games or be a dick.

As much as a i dislike ghosting (in general )

I think silence is the way here

let him figure it out op
he wronged you basically

Personally I really dislike this ghosting etc there's nothing wrong with letting someone know how you're feeling. If he doesn't guess it himself then I'd be letting him know. Tbh many men don't sit back wondering what they did wrong so telling them let's them know that their behaviour was not acceptable or you can just act breezy if you don't want to tell him how he let you down.

In reply to his text, I would message, yes thanks had a wonderful evening, made good use of my parents minding the children overnight and met some friends and had a fab night, hope you enjoyed your early night and managed to cheer up after getting wet. Have to go as busy now, best of luck in your future.

i would just message and say you want to call it a day. That will remove him from your headspace.
I wouldn’t even bother saying why - if you did give a reason he’d probably start justifying himself and if he was the sort of person who was bothered about letting you down he wouldn’t have done it in the first place.

"I think just nothing is appropriate here."
Spot on. As you said in an earlier post it should be obvious his behaviour is completely out of order. The oblivious tone of his text (which is just a pathetic attempt at trying to gage your boundaries) shows it would just be a waste of time saying anything else. Good on you for knowing your worth!

I think just nothing is appropriate here.

100% correct OP

I'm afraid I couldn't let this go. Maybe invite him to meet you somewhere 400m from your house, then just ghost him once you know he's sat there like a lemon.

i'd also be tempted to hide somewhere close by, see how long he waits, or at least get a friend to

Lucky escape op.

I really hate having my time wasted, it's a massive bugbear of mine and I've ended things with a few for similar situations like this. Last one we'd had a lovely date on Saturday morning, said at end of date that we'd meet again on Tuesday. I text Saturday evening just saying I'd a nice time, hope he had a good rest of the day, and he left it til Monday evening to respond and make plans for the Tuesday...no thank you, I've better things to do with my time than sit around and wait for you to respond to me and make plans. You're definitely right to throw this one back.

I've always spelled out that I don't like having my time disrespected and thanks but no thanks. But if you think that you can move on without that and without responding at all then absolutely do that.

'I'm in a mood and can't meet you' what a petulant little man child.