Last minute cancellation. Take it at face value or throw this one back?

[Itslegitimatesalvage]

I’ve been dating a guy for a little while and last weekend, we spent the night together for the first time. Been chatting everyday like normal but didn’t see each other over the weekend for the first time since we started dating. Arranged to meet after work today, so I drove half an hour into the city to meet him. I was waiting in a coffee shop around 400 meters from his flat, when he messaged to say he’d been in a bad mood since getting soaked going to work that morning and wouldn’t be good company so would it be ok to cancel. I couldn’t exactly argue with him or say he had to come so I said that’s fine and just went back to the car and drove home, but being a few minutes walk from
his flat and told to go home… that’s a hard rejection to swallow. I don’t know whether to let it go and take it as he said; just a bad day or if this is a bit too far to cancel like that. Should I start to distance it, leave it now?

Giving him NO response is the right way to handle this. Well done.

OP I am in full agreement with you. His behaviour is not good enough and there's nothing to be gained by coming up with clever put downs. It's a shame as it looked like it was going well but you're worth than this sort of behaviour. If he presses you for a reason you're no longer in touch I would be honest.

"It was rude of you to put me to all that inconvenience then late cancel. I hadn't seen that side to your personality before and now i have I am no longer interested. "

"It was rude of you to put me to all that inconvenience then late cancel. I hadn't seen that side to your personality before and now i have I am no longer interested"
^^
THIS is perfect if he pushes you for an explanation

Just to clarify, did he know you were already there and had driven plus got a babysitter? You say he would have known but did he?
Because if he did that's bad but if he assumed you hadn't left yet / didn't think about babysitting and you just meekly said oh no problem at all then I'm not so sure.

Sorry; I’ve been working all day. Thanks for all the responses. Glad to know I wasn’t being really needy or unreasonable or anything.

Just to answer a point that’s come up a few times; yes, he knew I was there. I messaged when I left my place and again once I’d parked and started walking to the coffee shop a few minutes before the agreed meeting time. He replied when I was on my 2nd coffee… so, he left me waiting and wondering what was going on and why he was late.

@Itslegitimatesalvage ugh. What a dick. Has he messaged again?

That’s even worse than I first thought. He couldn’t even walk over have a coffee and explain himself in person when he was 5 minutes away.

What a dickhead. He deserves ghosting and blocking

He sent a couple messages asking about my day. I ended up using a variation of what has been posted on here. That I went to some effort to come over and felt he had been really dismissive of that to just cancel once I was already there and he had plenty of time to stop me before making the trip so it wasn’t something I was prepared to put up with so this just wasn’t for me.

He replied saying he was sorry, he was sad that he had upset me and he can totally see why I’m annoyed. He said he was, honestly, just in a terrible head space and didnt Think he was going to cancel until the moment he did. Said it wasn’t his intention to hurt me and he understand why I want to move on but he’s sorry.

Omg I was angry before but after this update now absolutely seething on your behalf! What an absolute twat!! He sounds like a narcissistic little prick!

Nah he wasn’t in a terrible headspace nd even if he was, he could have still cancelled much earlier on. Don’t take the bait op, he’s just trying to see if you will forgive him and find out what he can get away with! No decent person would treat you like that! From reading your last update - he absolutely did it on purpose!

How do you feel now the dust has settled a bit @Itslegitimatesalvage ?

Are you pissed off or just disappointed? Is that communication done now?

It sounds like he was pushing your boundaries, you didn’t jump and now he’s backtracking

@littlebopeepp234

oh, don’t worry. I’m not taking that bait! It was a few hours ago and he has sent a couple follow ups along the same lines. I read them on the Home Screen and haven’t opened them and just keep swiping the conversation to delete from WhatsApp. So he isn’t getting blue ticks and I’m thinking he’ll stop after today. If not, I’ll block. Seems so hostile to block someone but that’s the next step. I won’t be messaging either way anyway.

I wouldn’t have messaged. Opens the door for lame excuses such as that and then makes you doubt yourself.

block him - if he was that afraid of upsetting you he wouldn’t have done it in the first place. Being in a ‘terrible headspace’ is bullshit. Doesn’t mean you treat people that way.

@SamW98

I’m disappointed for sure. We didn’t rush things, and we went on so many really cool dates because we wanted to get to know each other and both (at least said) we wanted something real. And I thought it was, everything was great and he has never been moody or grumpy or dismissive. Then we have sex, and he suddenly can’t see me over the week, which has never happened, couldn’t fit me in over the weekend and then he did this. Everything just went colder than it had been.

It might seem like I’m throwing something away, but to do this just after we have sex… it’s a bit of a coincidence. And it felt really sucky yesterday so I don’t want to be with someone who is going to make me question if things are OK or not. So, disappointed and a bit hurt. Not so angry anymore.

As predicted...sounds a good plan to ignore him.

I'd also be watching for more maudlin attempts to engage or reel you in (lucky we're past Xmas or I'd pencil in a text from him then!).

This type likes to manipulate people until you're the one looking and acting hysterical and jealous and chasing after him.

The fact that you're calm and reasonable and polite is "not in his plan".

He was hoping you'd be begging him to see him again, on his terms, or asking why you weren't good enough....

I'd move on from him, that's an incredibly rude thing for him to do to you.

That was pretty mean. What excuse did he have for not seeing you on the weekend? Not that it matters but I was thinking he’s seeing someone else.

I reckon he just likes the chase. Hence losing interest after sex and also why he’s suddenly now keen agajn, because OP is inaccessible. Can’t stand idiots like this.

What @Muffin777 said. What a twunt he is. You are well rid.

Moody cos he got wet?! BIN!!

Yup! Even more strange is that he told op he wasn’t in a good headspace (I assume also because he got wet)! 🤣

Yup. I think so. I mean, 42 and never married, never had anything really long term, no kids… he said he’d just never met the right person and been unlucky blah blah blah. Rather, he meets them and then gets bored maybe.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he had someone over that took a long time leaving his house. Maybe that’s why he arranged the meeting next to his house, in hope it wouldn’t take him long to get to you.

in the odd case he was actually genuine, who’d want such an moody fucker anyway?

However I still believe he was playing games. Some people are really messed up.

@rainyhouse

Unless he took the day off work then I don’t think so. We were going out in his town because I finished earlier so made sense for me to travel over for shortly after him finishing (enough time for him to get home and change). And we’d been on the phone chatting in the morning during his walk to work.

He was complaining about the rain on the phone that morning. And was very moody. So why not just cancel in the afternoon when he realised he was still in a mood?!? I can’t get over letting me drop the kids at my parents, getting in the car and driving all the way over while he knew he wasn’t up for it.