Age gap relationships, do they work

[blowinginthewind0]

I'm just turning 24 soon. I ended up falling for the man I started seeing at the of 2022. He was with his ex since they were teens and have 3 young children together but he decided to leave because she wasn't giving him enough affection anymore and communication broke down between them and he was sleeping on the sofa most nights. When he left we started seeing each other about 2 weeks later and I quickly fell for him, within another 5 weeks I was pregnant and our baby was born summer last year. He's 38 and I'm really happy and I've definitely fell for him but I do fear that he still has a lot of feelings for his ex especially as they were together over 20 years and sounds like they were each others best friends. They still have contact over the children but I still panic when he goes to hers to collect the kids etc and I'm panic about the 14 year age gap between us but it's going good so far and we moved in together just before baby was born.
Will this last seeing as he jumped from such a serious long term relationship with someone he shares so much history with and she was the same age as him to what he has with me now seeing as I'm a lot younger than her and got pregnant very soon after he left her. I'm head over heels about him but sometimes I question if he wonders about the age gap between us even though its not causing issues at the minute

OP, if you look back at this thread in a few years time, when you have grown up a bit, you will be extremely embarrassed at how gullible and naive you sound.

Quite likely, by then, this "good man" of yours will probably have fatheted a few more children and not all if them with you.

As others have said, the age gap is way down your list if things to worry about.

This post is the crux of the problem.

Age gap will be the least worrying thing in this relationship.

I think the writer may be the chap.

I don't see why yous are saying he will do the same to me? I'm not saying that won't happen, but it can happen in any relationship
They were having issues for quite sometime, he didn't just get up and leave. There was issues for sometime and they weren't working out so he thought it was best they go separate ways. He does not put her down or speak about her in a bad way other than how he felt about things. I'm taken back how everyone is putting him across as a horrible person. He's not. He speaks respectfully about her and he treats me really good. He's also a great dad to his three other children and ours. Why the assumptions that he's a horrible person

I'm taken back how everyone is putting him across as a horrible person. He's not. He speaks respectfully about her and he treats me really good.

Apart from the bit about where he shacked up with someone young enough to be his daughter, within days of leaving the mother of his 3 small children to cope on her own ?

The fact that you say you're taken back by everyone saying this man is awful shows your immaturity and naiveté about the whole situation. It's because people are looking at thingd from the outside that they can see he's dreadful and you'd be advised to take notice. What do your parents think of your situation?

I'm not being immature here!
I understand it was quick and he was as shocked as I was about the pregnancy it took some time for him to accept it. Neither of us planned this and he was worried about his children and how they'd take to it all but they love their little brother very much and are excited to see him when they are with us.
They have adjusted very well with everything and with me. They were delighted when we told them we were having a baby together and that helped settle him about everything.
Neither of us anticipated what it turned into. I was just worried that the age gap might cause problems at some point rather than how quick we got together because he was unhappy in the other relationship and yes I do feel for him because he's a good man and father and it wasn't easy for him to leave. He had to leave his family home and that wasn't an easy decision for him to make or live with. He is racked with a lot of guilt over it for the children and worrying how they will look at it all later down the line

"and yes I do feel for him because he's a good man and father and it wasn't easy for him to leave. He had to leave his family home and that wasn't an easy decision for him to make or live with." Christ almighty. There is just no point in anyone commenting on this post at all. You're right, he's a brilliant man, the best father and husband there ever was and the only issue you will ever encounter is the age gap. There. That's what you want to hear isn't it???

If there were issues for quite some time, considering the youngest child is only 3, why on earth would he want a fourth child? If he wanted to go on nights out and have more sex? I think this thread is a wind up tbh. If it’s not then you sound incredibly naive at best. Anyway what comes around, goes around so I wish you the best.

Best of luck, your gonna need it. In about 15 years tou will look back and wonder what the hell was I thinking!

Oh my god. Pathetic. She had 3 children, not long had a baby, and her husband left her because she didn't give him enough sex and attention. This isn't her fault. You need to stop blaming her. Yes, there's a chance he might want her back, and he's still in love with her. Hopefully, she will see sense and not want him back. I bet he won't be happy if/when she meets someone else. Not that she has time, as she's busy raising 3 children 🙄. The age gap isn't a problem. I know people with age gaps, and they are happily married.

Your going to be living on eggshells, always wondering if your giving him
Enough attention... fuck that

I really just expected to hear wether the age gap would cause issues. I'm aware it might have all happened so quickly but we get on really well and have the same interests and goals and I do sympathise with him about everything but I am a bit worried about his ex because they had so much together and that she's always going to be in the background because of the children obviously. I do wonder if he regrets it everytime he has to interact with her im just a bit scared that he still thinks about her or loves her but I know they have to because there's children involved. I cant intervene on that but it does worry me a bit

Your story is a textbook example of the problem with age gap relationships. His wife was dealing with three young children and he threw a tantrum and left. He had to find a young woman to date because no woman with any life experience would believe his sob story for a second. He has used his experience as power to get himself a new, easier life and you fell for it.

This is unlikely to end well. Eventually you will have life experience of your own and will realize what a manipulative, selfish man you have condemned yourself to deal with for the rest of your life.

You are impressively naive.

'he's nice to me', yes, because you have sex with him.

If he dropped his wife of 20 years and his kids for sex, he will do the same to you in a heartbeat.

'loyal' 😂😂😂 you tell yourself that.

DH is 40, I'm 27. We got together when he was 38 and I was 25. Been together for nearly 2 years now (recently married) and very happy.

When we met, I was fresh out of a 6 year relationship and he was just out of a 15 year marriage, both very unhappy. We just clicked & we knew we was meant to be together. He has 2 teen kids who are fab. Can't imagine my life any other way!

He wasn't out looking for another relationship. I approached him and we got chatting and hit it off. He was open with me about the fact he'd just left his long term relationship, he was honest. I wasn't really put off by it all because they were finished and I really fell for him and he fell for me and I became pregnant. I'm naturally a clingy person anyway and just worry when they have any time together as there is a past there and he loved her if he was with her so long
When we are together I barely think about it its only during the times he's with her for a short period of time I wonder if she'll ask him to come back or if they start remembering old times when they were happy and he starts thinking about it all but she was quite nasty for sometime after she heard about me and caused more conflict between them. But I haven't heard him discuss anymore about her saying or doing anything wrong. I felt a bit more comfortable when they were at logger heads to how it is now that I'm a bit concerned but I know I'm probably just overthinking

Thankyou so the age difference doesn't cause any effect between you. I think I'm just afraid that he has more in common with someone his own age but I quite like that he's older than me I feel security with him

@bejewelled13 did you worry about him returning to his other relationship seeing as it was so long

Why on earth did you get pregnant?

@blowinginthewind0

I never once worried about him going back to his ex wife, she was awful & abusive to him, he only stayed for the kids for a long time. He has never given me any doubt that it's me he wants to be with. Yes he was with her for a long time, but people change and move on, I trust and love my husband with everything that I've got. I've dated people my own age but they was never on my level, I like how Dh is older and wiser lol, we balance each other out completely. Age has never been an issue, no one thinks he's nearly 41, and it's never been a problem for us together either.

Also, we are trying for a baby too. Unfortunately had 4 miscarriages but are hopeful for the future x

@blowinginthewind0 Would you like me to tell you how this will play out? He will make her life living hell when she meets someone and you my love, will lap it up. You will ignore the fact that he is doing it because he is jealous and still in love with her, you will just enjoy the fact that they won't get on anymore.
It is interesting that you got pregnant so quickly knowing that he wanted another child with his ex. I think you are young, naive and incredibly insecure. Please, take it from a 43 year old woman who has kids, a full time job and is SHATTERED... he is not a good man.
In 15 to 20 years time you are going to look back on this period of your life and wonder what the fuckity fuck you were doing. You can deny, argue with posters all you like, this is just how it is.
You are 23, do not revolve your entire being around this man and his children/ex. Learn, grow and concentrate your energies on being the best mother to your little boy you can be.
By the way, it seems to me there is definitely unfinished business between him and his ex. You are a bit part in their show. You should never settle for being anyone's second best. Ever.

OP huge red flags here. He sounds completely self centred and you sound incredibly naive. Doesn't sound like you want to listen to anyone who can see this for what it is though. Good luck to you.

Some things are not for us to know. And the answer to your question is something you (and the rest of us) don't know. What I can say is that decent men don't do what he did to his first family. It doesn't bode well for his second one.
Do yourself a favour; if you haven't got a degree, get one or stay in work and build your career. Do not become dependent on this man. Keep your roots strong and watered. Trust me on this.