Age gap relationships, do they work

[blowinginthewind0]

I'm just turning 24 soon. I ended up falling for the man I started seeing at the of 2022. He was with his ex since they were teens and have 3 young children together but he decided to leave because she wasn't giving him enough affection anymore and communication broke down between them and he was sleeping on the sofa most nights. When he left we started seeing each other about 2 weeks later and I quickly fell for him, within another 5 weeks I was pregnant and our baby was born summer last year. He's 38 and I'm really happy and I've definitely fell for him but I do fear that he still has a lot of feelings for his ex especially as they were together over 20 years and sounds like they were each others best friends. They still have contact over the children but I still panic when he goes to hers to collect the kids etc and I'm panic about the 14 year age gap between us but it's going good so far and we moved in together just before baby was born.
Will this last seeing as he jumped from such a serious long term relationship with someone he shares so much history with and she was the same age as him to what he has with me now seeing as I'm a lot younger than her and got pregnant very soon after he left her. I'm head over heels about him but sometimes I question if he wonders about the age gap between us even though its not causing issues at the minute

@blowinginthewind0 I’m sorry but you’re coming off even more naive.

He can weep and whine all he likes but at the end of the day it was a CHOiCE he made. He chose to chase a shiny new thing over his children and their well-being and time with them growing up. I think it’s utter nonsense when men plead the ‘I didn’t leave the kids I left her…’ Unless the wife was abusive (his wife was not) this is just a pathetic man child comment, selfish and entitled at its core. Who knows the long term damage he has done to those children.

But you do you. I suspect it won’t be long before it’s your child at the end of his inability to love properly and healthily.

@SugarAndSpike nope. I do dare to say what I think. Men aged in their 60s are hugely unappealing when I am 15 years younger. I'd rather be single.

Ah ok for a second I was under the impression you were just saying it as a generalised fact rather than what you yourself find attractive in a partner @Lookingforunicorns

Each to their own.

Sorry to derail the thread OP.

Age gaps are fine as long as the power balance is equal.

Will he trade you in for a younger model though once you're too busy raising a family and can't give him the 'attention' he requires? He doesn't sound the best of catches to be honest.

I actually do believe that a man can leave his partner and not his kids - but only if he is genuinely sharing 50% custody (as a minimum), goes to their appointments, attends school meetings etc. This guy only "misses" his children which means doing fuck all

Fuck, it's so easy to be a food father! Just say you love and miss them and that's that! Done! Father of the year award now belongs to you!

Some advice from a very old woman.
Keep your friends and family very close - he may try to distance you from them.
Nurture your career so that you are not dependent on him - he may try to turn you into a skivvy and a nanny for his three other children.
Stand up for yourself with him - when his mask slips you may find he gives you the silent treatment - don't allow this.
You have tied yourself to a very bad man - be vigilent and value yourself.

Presumably he'll be going for 50/50 contact then if he misses his kids so much. That should help his emotional state but I don't think it's going to do much for you OP.

I don’t believe that anyone should stay in a relationship when they are no longer happy- whether children are involved or not. So him leaving his ex wouldn’t necessarily ring alarm bells for me, especially when they were together for 20 years. Relationships break down, almost half of marriages in fact and that’s just life. When you have a child with a man who already has a family , you need to be very secure in your relationship and accepting of the fact that the ex will be in your lives for many years. Yes it can work out but it won’t be easy. I would never have considered having a family with an older man who already had one, especially when I was early 20’s. But if you’re happy and secure, live your life and take things as they come.

“Some advice from a very old woman.
Keep your friends and family very close - he may try to distance you from them.
Nurture your career so that you are not dependent on him - he may try to turn you into a skivvy and a nanny for his three other children.“

This with bells on.

Why doesn’t he have 50/50 custody? He has been gone long enough to get a girlfriend and a new baby. He has certainly been gone line enough to get a formal custody arrangement in place?

15 year age gap with myself and husband. Married 10 years this year, with one 4 yr old child. However there is no big back story, no previous children. No quick relationship and pregnancy. Those things would concern me.
Who knows though, hopefully you'll both make it work and it will be a long happy relationship

Agree this sounds off.

Imagine writing these things:
-wife wasn’t giving him enough attention
-wife had PND
-wife wasn’t giving him sex
-wife looking after 3 children
-wife did not want 4th baby
-left wife and two weeks later got with me
-got me pregnant
-he still loves wife - wife still loves him

and expecting everyone to say, why yes of course it will all work out. You’ve bagged one of the good ones there.

I call BS