Age gap relationships, do they work

[blowinginthewind0]

I'm just turning 24 soon. I ended up falling for the man I started seeing at the of 2022. He was with his ex since they were teens and have 3 young children together but he decided to leave because she wasn't giving him enough affection anymore and communication broke down between them and he was sleeping on the sofa most nights. When he left we started seeing each other about 2 weeks later and I quickly fell for him, within another 5 weeks I was pregnant and our baby was born summer last year. He's 38 and I'm really happy and I've definitely fell for him but I do fear that he still has a lot of feelings for his ex especially as they were together over 20 years and sounds like they were each others best friends. They still have contact over the children but I still panic when he goes to hers to collect the kids etc and I'm panic about the 14 year age gap between us but it's going good so far and we moved in together just before baby was born.
Will this last seeing as he jumped from such a serious long term relationship with someone he shares so much history with and she was the same age as him to what he has with me now seeing as I'm a lot younger than her and got pregnant very soon after he left her. I'm head over heels about him but sometimes I question if he wonders about the age gap between us even though its not causing issues at the minute

The age gap is the very least of your worries here.

@Strugglingtodomybest I'd never do that. I get on very well with his 3 children and they love our baby very much

Roommates who have conceived 3 young children together and he was trying to get her to have a 4th? OK then, if that's what he tells you....

No he's a good man. He just has been let down by someone he loved. If she loved him so much she should've been making more time for him or making it known to him she needed him and wanted him instead of ignoring him. This isn't his fault. He left because he wasn't happy. She might regret that she didn't put in enough effort with him as she has said to him over the last while and that she's gutted but she should've done that while she had him and he wouldn't have left.

Right, he's not a good man. If the mother of your three children has PND, your job is to support and care for her. Not to strop about not having much sex or an active social life, certainly not to keep demanding she has another baby. He sounds fucking awful.

A relationship that lasts as long as that doesn't just end overnight. The break up takes years to recover from fully, adjust to and let the dust settle.

You sound insecure and fairly unpleasant to be honest, you don't get to call the shots of how often he sees his kids or if it's at Christmas. That kind of behaviour will create resentment from his ex and kids. Your child doesn't need him any more than his other kids do.

I don't really understand why you want to spend your 20s changing nappies and propping up this sad sack's self esteem, tbh. You're waiting for him to go back to his wife or cheat on you. Who knows if either of those things will happen, but this is not a healthy situation. If you hadn't got pregnant, would he still be with you now?

He left because she was giving her attention to their kids instead of him. Which is pathetic.

He isn't A good man. He let his wife and kids down. Expect similar treatment as your life gets more complicated.

no it seems to me that she could've done more if she loved him especially when they have children together. You hear of stuff like this happening all he time... He did try many times to tell her how he felt and she made all sorts of promises but broke them all nd he thought it was best he leave so they weren't arguing abd because he felt depressed and lonely thinking maybe she wanted something else elsewhere...
Although to be honest she's still very much single, I haven't heard of any other men with her etc but I do think my partner does wonder and worry about if she does move on. I do sometimes sense that from him. But I know how happy he is with me and our son. And yes we do go out for nights out, we are only together just over a year now. My parents or sister look after the baby to allow us time together

Oh, OP... you sound incredibly naive.

Lord, his poor wife and children. He really is a giant selfish twat. Making more time for HIM with 3 tiny children? Get a grip.

Oh dear. Maybe in a few years when you have 3 small children under the age of 6 then you will see how this clearly awful and selfish woman couldn't manage to make time or have nights out with this "good man".

Oh and believe me, she won't "regret that she didn't put enough effort in". She's probably seen him for the waste of space that he is. And the only reason your DP isn't going back to her is because she more than likely would never take him back in a million years.

I know you are only young but you have SO much growing up to do. It's actually making me feel a bit sorry for you.

Although to be honest she's still very much single, I haven't heard of any other men with her etc but I do think my partner does wonder and worry about if she does move on.

Seriously wow - of course she’s single. She’s the main parent for 3 young children and is rightly prioritising their needs over her own while their father swans off hooking up with someone 14 years his junior a fortnight after they split.

You soon so naive and immature and you’re being manipulated by this man to believe every word that comes out of his mouth as gospel. Wake up ffs

Good grief, I feel so bad for you believing this old load of bollocks. I wish you good luck because you are going to need it 🙄

@NoCloudsAllowed no not just that.. He said he felt like he didn't trust her, she wasn't always honest to him and it created arguments. She says it was fear of how he'd react about certain things or that he'd ignore her and it was to save any arguments.. But that made him wonder then if she was hiding other things from him and he lost trust in her. Along with her not giving him affection or sex.
But it doesn't seem to me like she has anyone else on the scene at all like he may have once had thoughts about. I think he realises that now too

Good God Girl you need to grow up. A good man does not behave in the way he did. A good Mam supports his wife even when he's not getting enough affection, three children under 5 and pnd but it her fault he left and knocked up a younger version within weeks!!! I'd kick your ass (metaphorically) if you were my daughter, I'd really kick his. He's a selfish bastard who didn't deserve a wife because he didn't treat her right and no matter how many point it out you refuse to accept it but you will eventually because he'll do the same to you unless you prioritise him above your child.

This almost sounds too crazy, but I think his ex has her own thread on here...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4976181-i-thought-my-ex-was-emotionally-abusive-i-think-i-was-wrong

I honestly can't make out if you're a real person or not????

So this wonderful man didn't "trust" the mother of his 3 small children?!?! But yet you said he wanted a 4th child with her?!?!

And what exactly did he think she was upto in between caring for these 3 pre-school kids?!

As every other person on here has said, good luck. You're going to need it. Especially if the ex meets someone else. His jealousy is going to go through the roof.

To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if he has already tried to get back with her behind your back.

@Hbosh Agree but do you not think they're written by the same person and are both completely made up?

Maybe we'll get a thread from their dog's perspective next

I'm sorry @Hbosh no that doesn't sound like his ex at all. She had a social life and friends and has never said to him she thinks he was controlling so no I disagree. I've read through that post or some of it anyway that's not her. His ex had a job, a social life and plenty of friends

I'm just concerned that maybe he still has feelings as it's such a long relationship and he admits he didn't leave because they fell out of love

You sound ridiculous

Sorry to be blunt but maybe you should have thought about that before getting pregnant by a man a few weeks out of a 20 year relationship.

@SamW98 it wasn't my intentions to fall pregnant, it just happened. And I wouldn't change it for the world at this point, my son is everything to me

You are being extremely naive