As a man, but speaking only for myself, I would say not ruining it is enough. If you are reasonably compatible, then decency should be enough. The talk about femininity is more about getting together in the first place. People will change and likely be much bigger after a year or two of a steady relationship That cannot be the main thing.
If I look back on my relationship, my first one was perhaps typical of many young men who are grateful just to have a relationship. Had the roles been reversed, it would be seen as abusive. She did much of the cooking but did not work, so I earned the money and did the rest of the housework. The demeaning behaviour was tough and when she threatened to leave again I just shrugged my shoulders and said "OK then".
The second relationship was very different, but there was constant emotional support for her required and constantly thinking ahead for things that might upset her. When there was a major family event and my brother was sectioned, I hoped I would get support (I was very young and naive back then), and instead she was furious with me. I might be more understanding now but back then I had higher expectations. That is one that would be different now.
My third relationship was just incompatible, she wanted a man who would be imperious and arrogant. I was not like that, so it fell apart. But that is fair enough.
The fourth, was also incompatibility. She liked to be very domineering, to the extent of preferring me to be reluctant in bed. It also invovled me being put down regularly and I was not able to stand it.
The fifth, it was great! She helped me with housework, also had a job, we talked issues through, had a sex life and looked forward to kids. Once we married, she no longer contributed to housework significantly, did not have a job, we could no longer talk things through as we were not in the same reality, I was considered rapey for ever wanting sex and she no longer wanting kids. I was fortunate to be in Scandinavia at this time, where I was not blamed but encouraged to leave.
My fifth relationship (and second marriage), we both share housework, both have jobs and work broadly to the same goals. It is still hard work, and I can not see many women putting up with it! But we are on the same side. She has not cheated on me and contributes to the relationship too.