Gutted friend doesn’t fancy him

[NancyLou89]

Hi, it’s my 1st time posting here, I was just wondering if I could get some opinions please.

So basically, my husband has had a crush on a woman we both know for years. I know it, all
his friends know it, she knows it, even her husband knows it to some degree.
Recently I was having a chat with her and she told me she fancied 1 of my husbands close friends. I pushed her to answer what she thought of my husband, and she said she didn’t fancy him whatsoever, he wasn’t her type etc.
I basically thought this was hilarious, I couldn’t wait to go home and tell him after all the years of little comments about her looks, trying to wind me up etc.

So I told him and he looked absolutely devastated. He kept asking me to repeat exactly what she said. He said he was gutted but I wouldn’t understand as it’s a ‘guy thing’. This was over a week ago and ever since he’s been really quiet and not himself, almost like he’s sulking. I don’t get what the problem is as we’re both married and so is the woman he fancies, so it’s not like anything would happen even if she did like him.

On 1 hand I feel a bit sorry for him as his ego has obviously taken a hit, but on the other hand why should he care what any woman thinks of him when he’s married to me, with 2 children I’ll add aswel.

N xx

Even if she fancied him more than anyone else in the world, she's hardly likely to tell you, his wife, is she?

Wow some marriage, glad mine is the total opposite

Unless you're all part of a swingers club, this isn't normal.

Surely this is a made up post?.
If not some people have very strange relationships. 🤷‍♀️ I'm not going to even give my vote.

So do you think he possibly looked at her as a ‘backup’ incase anything ever happened between us? And now he knows that’s not a possibility it’s upset him?

Most of my friends have asked for my opinion on their boyfriends / husbands and I’ve been honest about it

Seriously this really isn’t normal to have these conversations

It's hurt his ego.

It's ego and an "if things were different" scenario, ie if he had never met you then she would be the one he would have gone for. And now his poor little ego has to face the fact that it would not have ever happened in this little alternate reality if his because she never fancied him!

This whole thing is extraordinary. None of you sounds mature enough to be in a relationship, and certainly not in charge of bringing up children. If it’s real, and not some bored teen avoiding their weekend homework, then I despair.

I'm all for transparency where it's appropriate but this sounds very dysfunctional

I am sorry but sounds like given the chance he would have an affair with her if he could.
You may need to question your future together because his actions are really weird and it sounds like he thinks about her alot.

What did he apologise for?

For being an utter disrespectful fool?

Is it only not worth talking about now that he knows he has no chance?

I haven't made snarky comments?

Others have been very blunt but probably truthful.

I obviously believed her when she told me what she thought, but on the other hand, do people not change their minds about people?

Don't be too cocky
It comes when you least expect

She's not likely to tell the truth about fancying him, that would be very weird, he just doesn't care or respect you enough.

Very, very weird! Firstly, that he made it so obvious to you and everyone else how much he fancies her. That's not on. Secondly, he's devastated by this and making a big show of it.
Does he not realise that married men don't behave like that?! Of course, many married people fancy other's but you're supposed to hide it!!

Unless you have an open relation relationship then yes is weird as fuck.

Weirdest thing since the Charles/Di/Camilla triangle. Not normal.

I’d just wouldn’t even try work out what this woman thinks. What she thinks or doesn’t think is no concern of yours.

What should concern you is the lack of respect yourself and your DH have towards one another. You both sound immature and juvenile.

She’s the most he’s been attracted to someone that he hasn’t got with apparently. He slept around a lot in the past before we got together, and I thought he had got his dick head behavior / thoughts out of his head. It seemed that way for quite a while, but maybe not after all.

She was defo his back up. For him to be shattered like this.

Now you’ve put the idea in her head I expect they’ll be banging by Easter.

What the fuck am I reading?

Normal people don't say to their friends, "Oh, by the way Jane, I think your husband fancies me, he sometimes looks at me in a certain way". They just don't!

🤯

I cannot tell you how few times in my friendship groups the discussion of fancying each other’s spouses/ partners has come up.

By ‘how few’, I mean zero times.