Emotional affair or nothing?

[Lala727]

Would you consider 100s of messages on your partners phone to a female friend, even without sexual content, an emotional affair or just friends chatting?

And now just saw the birthday thing. I can’t believe you’re not losing your sh1t over this. Know it’s hard, but you mustn’t accept this really crap treatment. It’s always leads to further devaluing

Does it sound like it's a big deal? Ive lost a bit if perspective I think. He said he was happy to do whatever I wanted the rest of the day

OP this is an emotional affair. The birthday thing is quite shocking to be honest, that he openly tells you he’s going for lunch with her even though you’re suggested spending the day together? So he’s making it clear she’s more important than you. Does he know you know how much he messages her? Is she married / in a relationship?

PP’s are right that the fact he mentions her to you doesn’t mean it’s platonic and ‘safe’ at all.

He's being incredibly disrespectful to you. How does he treat you in general? You seem to really doubt your own intuition.

I’ll be totally honest OP I think this is more than an emotional affair, he’s cheating in plain sight.
If they’re not already physical, they will be.

The birthday thing would be the absolute final straw.

I hate to say it but he’s taking you for a fool. She’s his number one priority, not you.

Look, I'm deep in emotional affair territory and even I wouldn't be so stupid as to ditch my husband on my birthday for someone else.

His priorities are fucked up.

I just decided to call his bluff after reading pp here and told him I'd booked his favourite restaurant for us but could only get in at lunch so booked it as I'm sure hed prefer that and laughed, as if to make a joke out of it. I was relieved when he agreed but then he followed it with hell just move her to meet forbreakfast or brunch instead so its fine. I think I expected him to just cancel on her so my plan has almost backfired

@Lala727 afraid so.

I’ve had to end it with someone I really cared for because he’d prioritise a “friend”
over me. If she’s just a friend, why aren’t you included too? I would go ballistic. Everything points to something else going on but even as it is, it’s massively disrespectful to you and your relationship.

The fact you’ve lost sight of things to me says you’re in denial or disassociating to avoid pain.

@Lala727 looks like its the end of the marriage!!! I would do one of two things) follow him and just sit down at their table or visit the other woman and just tell her she is welcome to him!!! it would be nice if she also had a husband to see this all happening. then i would send a blanket email to all friends, family, even his work!!! try and include a pic of them together and see if you can also send the email via HIS email account!! just been treating you like a door mat for over a year!!!

I (f) have some male friends and we do message each other. One almost everyday, but certainly not 100s of messages and I would never speak ill of my husband and he never speaks ill of his wife. It's usually in the day not in the evening. If I were you I'd be really upset, I think that's far too many messages, the fact it takes away from your time together and he's complained about you is wrong (if there is a problem he should obviously discuss with you).

I think you need to have a proper conversation with him about it and tell him you don't like it.

Ive never said he complains about me to her?

To answer pp, he treats me very well in general. We rub along nicely I thought until now

You would go ballistic for the birthday thing?

I think it surprised me how he didnt say hed cancel her. He would just move seeing her to a different time. He is at work that day so not sure how he will meet her for brunch and then come for lunch with me

Emotional affair.

Oh, this is awful. He's seeing her for lunch on his birthday (I know you've changed those plans, but he's still going out with her) and messages her non stop when that's time he could spend with you? Honestly, this is a serious emotional affair. The thing is that all those little things you tell your partner about your day are being told to someone else. She knows more about his current life than you do.

What's your situation regarding mortgage/rent, children and jobs?

I'm assuming this woman is single?

He’s still prioritising her. If he eats breakfast or brunch with her then he’s not going to be hungry for your lunch.

How are you not raging?

Sorry to jump on this thread but I didn't see the point in starting essentially exactly the same thread. Reading this thread has made me think - is my partner having an emotional affair?!

He texts a female work colleague every night about random things. They play a video game together most night a week and talk on the phone (on speaker and I'm often in the room) while playing, sometimes for hours at a time. They don't just talk about the game, they talk about anything and everything. He stays up to play/talk with her some nights while I'm in bed. Last night I heard them turn the game off but carry on chatting on the phone for half an hour at 11pm on a work night. He went to her house once, alone, for two hours, says it was completely innocent and I believed him. I heard her mention that he gave her a 5 second shoulder rub at work the other day? I question it and he denied it! He mentions her name probably more than other names and talks to her the most out of his friends/colleagues.

Sorry again to jump on the thread OP but I think our situations sound similar 😢

Do you genuinely think he’s going to work, op?

I am sorry op, awful

What is the other woman's situation?

In my eyes, this is not ok. Sorry OP.

Op - so he’s still prioritising ow by saying he’ll move her. She’s at the front of his thoughts.

i think the next move is to innocently ask how he’s going to have brunch if he’s at work, and won’t he’ll be full up for lunch.

DeeDeeDaisy - yes, emotional affair in plain sight. Maybe ask him to sit and watch a film with you. What would his reaction be? Or say that you’d like to play the game this evening, and spend the evening chatting.

I think I'm just confused. We will still get the morning before work and all day after and hell only be with her an hour or so. But I don't really understand the point of him keeping the arrangement if it is for such a short time. It seems silly to not just do 'lunch with a friend' any other day.

He’s deeply invested in her emotionally in a way he isn’t with you. It’s definitely an emotional affair. It doesn’t have to be sexual - to be frank your DP’s sounds more like falling in love. Sorry OP. It’s a betrayal.

I do, thankfully. I know he haa regular meeting he has to attend and heard him discussing it on a we ex with colleagues

No offence taken and im so sorry your potentially going through the same but you may get more helpful replies on a fresh thread x