Emotional affair or nothing?

[Lala727]

Would you consider 100s of messages on your partners phone to a female friend, even without sexual content, an emotional affair or just friends chatting?

So what if you didn't stay up new year. It's a non+ issue.

What does your gut say?

Ok, I’m not sure my view has changed much though. Seems like he’s spending an awful lot of time and energy messaging this person.

I always think these situations are a bit like when you first start dating someone and you’re just glued to your phone and everything they message is soooooo interesting and sooooo funny and you just light up when you hear from them and you’re straight in with replying and emojis..

That to me is dating/sexual vibes and often people know this but fool themselves with the whole ‘oh we’re just friends’ but there’s a definite undercurrent…

He stayed up talking to her on nye for midnight while I went to bed, and that just seemed intimate but maybe that's just me.

I guess I misunderstood, but I took it that you were still awake and he was already talking to her by the time you went to bed.

He stayed up talking to her on nye for midnight while I went to bed, and that just seemed intimate but maybe that's just me.

I guess I misunderstood, but I took it that you were still awake and he was already talking to her by the time you went to bed.

He was talking to her all night but stayed awake for midnight

Emotional affair.

My 'friend' and I text all day every day, nights, weekends, holidays, sent each other pics and memes and songs constantly. WhatsApp, Instagram, I always knew I'd wake up to something from him.

It really wrecked me. I think for me it was feelings and for him a chance for sex. Nothing physical ever happened but it was well over the line.

OP, of course this isn't OK and you know it. He's taking the piss and making a fool of you. It's an emotional affair alright. Do you know for sure it hasn't become a physical affair?

Generally what are they discussing in the texts , give a few examples?

i don’t know anyone who sends 100s of texts to anyone except for maybe teenagers …… very strange behaviour for a married man, is she single?

I just wanted to know if this seemed emotional affair without sexual. He called her while we were abroad last week and that seemed something to me, is it?

Yes, an emotional affair.

Your P is investing a huge amount of his emotional energy, time and attention into building their intimate connection. They are behaving like a couple and essentially had a ‘date’ on NYE.

Their interactions don’t have to be sexual to be inappropriate. They are deepening their emotional closeness and reliance. His opening this window to her will be diminishing his connection to you.

Have you confronted him yet?

@Lala727, his calling her while abroad with you is indeed significant. She is in the foreground of his thoughts.

Why are you tolerating this?

I did this and there was still nothing physical. Tbh, it doesn't matter. For me the emotions have been harder to deal with than a random shag.

That's a level of emotional intimacy which is beyond standard friendship imo.

Standard friendship might have a run of messages now and again if you strike gold on a comedy/chat seam, but it wouldn't be daily. And you'd expect there to be times with no messages also.

The pattern you're talking about is a significant time investment in that connection.

It’s an emotional investment that’s not ok within a relationship.

I’ve never sent 100’s of messages on a day to anyone let alone a ‘friend’

And calling her while you’re away - fuck that

Yes - went through this, no sexual messages, no messages making plans, called him out in it. He left, we are divorced, 7 years later he's still with this woman.

100’s of messages a day? How has he got the time for that between work and well, spending time with you? New Year in communication with her. I think you know the answer or you wouldn’t need to ask.

Does he text any other friend 100s of messages a day? If the answer is no then it's not a friendship - it's an emotional affair

This is an emotional affair. He’s investing time he should be investing in your relationship with this woman.

I’d be fuming about NYE and calling her while you’re on holiday.

OP this is not a normal friendship and it’s not ok!

@Lala727 not remotely ok- how many men do you know who spend hours every day texting a woman they have no interest in unless it's an ongoing work situation .odd catch ups yes- every few days maybe if the emotional connection is good and it's an old friendship- every day and all day- nope!

Yes, emotional affair.

How often does he text you a day?

No doubt if you confront him, he’ll say its ’just Platonic’ as there’s nothing sexual about it. In that case, tell him it’s an addiction and see how he would feel if you ask him not to message her.

I'm sorry. Was it genuinely not physical before he left?

Fuming, is that because it's intimate to you too?

Is there anyone that would be fine with this?

Regardless of his intent, this man is of no use to you.

He is disrespectful, kinder to others, finds her more interesting at the moment, is diverting his time and emotional energy towards her.

He can't be a good,safe, protective partner and friend, he hasn't got your back.

He says not, I can't really be sure. But it was something I worried about for quite some time before I gathered the courage to challenge him. They work together and his work involves a lot of travelling so there definitely would have been opportunity. He talked about her a lot, she was being bullied at work and he framed it as taking her under his wing sort of thing. But I realised there was more to it because of how often he talked about her. I looked through his messages after that, nothing that screamed out affair, but I knew in my gut, it was at best an emotional affair.

So he would talk about her to you?