When people say just stop

[Flyhigher]

So sister and DD say just stop when I try to fight back at times.

Sometimes they are very rude/ stressed full of tone.

They have tone and I ask them to be nice, or I get upset and go quiet or I ask them to not have a tone.

They say just stop.

Is there any come back to just stop?

No. There isn't. It's just an ending phrase.

What can you say/do to try to make things better after that?

I feel like I'm being destroyed slowly.

I'm petty but I'd just go 'OK, byeeee'and leave the room.

Seriously though op of your sister makes your life so miserable, you can cut contact you know. Or reduce it to the bare minimum. Daughter too.

But I do wonder...as kindly as possible op, if two people regularly tell you to 'just stop' if you maybe have form for going off on ons or something and they're fed up with it?

Or they could both just be toxic. Or daughter maybe learning bad habits from sister.

Either way, just leave the environment/hang up the phone. Don't participate in the drama.

Why are you fighting?

You really haven't given enough context of the situation and how it ends up them telling you to just stop.

The only time I get to that point is when somebody is in my face hovering over me or lecturing or badgering me and I'm just not going to put up with that so I do tell them to just stop.

Why are you fighting so much, with two different people? Worry about that, not particular words used.

What's missing?

Fight back?

Ok. I'm going to take a stab in the dark and guess that you don't feel able to calmly advocate for yourself.

Which happens when we're unable to clearly articulate feelings. Which is ok and entirely understandable if you've never been taught.

Take a moment of calm and think about what you want to say and why you want to say it.

Why are your sister and daughter saying this to you? What are you actually arguing about?

Relationships are hard, to really understand others is hard, people are like they are because they only experience life through their particular lense.

So stop. Breathe. Reaction is easy and cheap! It's just doing things because you've always done them. How would you like to do things differently?

It's when I ask a question. Or I'm replying g to theirs.

Why are you still talking to them? Are you able to give a clear example? Surely it's not a case of you asking "what time are we going out? " and they respond "just stop ".

Do you have a tendency to talk too much or present arguments without any sort of structure? Do you bring irrelevant facts into arguments?

We need to know more as your OP is very unclear

Can you give an example we can help with?

Ok @Flyhigher, so what do you say?

How does the conversion go?

Ah @Flyhigher, so, my mother is quite a difficult person. BUT as I've got older I understand why she is like she is. She's essentially a good person, she has a solid structure and a good heart, she struggles with self-expression though and can often just blurt things out, and then feels bad because she struggles. And I see now that in the past she's not been able to advocate calmly for herself. These things trickle down. They do.

We all need to find our voice. We all have things to say.

And we need to find a way to say them. Because we are important. We matter in our lives.

Finding your voice is such an important thing.

You need to give examples OP as it's difficult to work out why both your DD AND your sister are telling you to 'stop.'

You mention that you want to 'fight back.' For what reasons?

DD will ask me to do something. I will reply or ask another question related to it.

I will be told just stop.

this is very vague

it depends on the context - if for example they ask you a question and you get nosey in your response then their reaction is pretty normal

But if the question relates to what they have just asked you to clarify it?
I need to write down a whole conversation to for to make sense.

I'm just getting no oxygen. Just in survival mode.
No respite. Just attacked all day every day.
Life is a battle.

I would say Stop? Stop what? What would you like me to stop first?
Your cooking?
your cleaning?
your pocketmoney?
Your sports classes?
Your phone contract?
your internet access?

You keep posting similar. Eg DD says you don’t always have to be right. Seems you are having a real problem in understanding the rules of conversation. Maybe constantly trying to have your say? I’m guessing these people don’t have problems with others?

By DD do you mean your daughter or your sister’s ?
Do you all live together ?

Oh man the always have to be right post was weird too. Look if you're annoying them and they're annoying you, leave! But coming on here and being as vague as possible isn't going to get you whatever help it if you're looking for. At this rate, we'll be telling you to 'just stop' too.

We need proper examples to know what's going on. A blow by blow of 2 or 3 seperate conversations that include exactly what you say and exactly what they say. Otherwise we're shooting in the dark with what might be going on.

I'm sorry but I'm not understanding.
So your daughter asks you help make a sandwich. You the respond with ''why' then she says 'just stop!'

Is that what you're saying?

Please give us an actual example .

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4955761-you-dont-have-be-right-is-this-gaslighting
Is it this again - it seems you are still struggling with communication but I recall you didn’t welcome the well intended advice previously.

If your communication with your family is the same as your posts on this and the other linked thread, I can see why there’s a problem tbh. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why would you be told to just stop if answering a question? Are these general questions in conversations or are you already arguing at this point?

I did think this. OPs posts are very vague and all over the place.