When people say just stop

[Flyhigher]

So sister and DD say just stop when I try to fight back at times.

Sometimes they are very rude/ stressed full of tone.

They have tone and I ask them to be nice, or I get upset and go quiet or I ask them to not have a tone.

They say just stop.

Is there any come back to just stop?

No. There isn't. It's just an ending phrase.

What can you say/do to try to make things better after that?

I feel like I'm being destroyed slowly.

Neurodiversity is something you're born with.

I'm autistic and I guessed you were from the way you write.

But it's not caused by social media!

I'm not saying it's a hill to die on. It's just one example of constant putting down.

Did you read my post about the Quote function?

Try reading the thread yourself and you'll see that it makes little sense, because your posts are dotted about all over the place.

What I'm saying is that topics of that ilk are not worth the fight. Unless it is something crucial don't rise to it. Don't question. Don't explain. Perfect the art of a 'mmm huh' without looking up from what you are doing and don't engage. She knows how to press your buttons and you are playing into it by insisting on being right / asking questions. Just don't give her an opportunity to cut you off. It'll frustrate the living hell out of her if done right. Then maybe she will start interacting with respect.

If you are like my mother that she always has a say and a simple task becomes always a huge adventure because of her if?, why? Why not? etc I'm with your DD and sister.

Simple as this in my case she said tomorrow I'll do steak for dinner, then she ask me how do you want it, I say well done. then she argued that how do I wanted is not the right thing, then she will come with an alternative or middle ground like not raw not well done. Then I would say whatever. Then she will make it raw because that is the way people eat steak and I end re cooking my steak or making an omelette because she is insufferable.
She things she cares, I think she is over the top all the time caring for silly things that shouldn't be a problem. I have to love her this way, she is more than sixty.
And yes, I tell her to stop and not carry on in circles, because she can make an ocean of a drop.

Think about my example. Could be something related to your actions and words. Or not could be that they are just mean and take you for granted.

Be assertive and don't engage in further loops, if the thing stop you will have your answer.

I'm really not trying to fight. I'm speaking and being put down.
I do ignore a lot. Then it's silence. It's unbearable. Like being in prison.

PLEASE use the Quote function. Click on the three dots on the right at the top and select QUOTE.

Many thanks.

@Flyhigher have you tried to get. Some therapy. It will help you to get some tips to stop them to be nasty to you. I would start being assertive and being able to tell them short sentences like just no, or just yes. If they are abusing you the therapist will tell you how to cut ties with your sister and how to overcome your daughter.
I did some therapy when I was in a toxic relationship and helped me a lot to change my behaviour and be assertive to be able to cut the shit form other people.

You are a very very delicate person. Just stop is usually when the other person is overwhelmed and frustrated. Give them space and time

As a mother having brought up 7 teenagers, I hear you @Flyhigher, I hear you!

My pennies worth is, this is a stage many teens go through. Try to accept this, ignore the attention seeking behaviour, designed to get a reaction from you and certainly stop seeing it as a failing on your part. Some of my DC were like this, yet the others were angels. Guess which ones are the most sociable and endearing now as adults?

You need to be less accommodating and openly invested in every detail of your DD's life. Stop letting it impact on your well being. Concentrate on your yourself, your interests or even DH and spending some quality time together away from the house.

In a few years DD will have flown the nest. Your role as a mother will be somewhat redundant as she becomes an adult. Accept the silences, the sulking but not rudeness or lack of respect. She needs pulling up on that in a kindly manner. Enlist the support of your DH in this. You need to work as a team and stop seeing yourself as a failure. Sending a big hug OP.

@Flyhigher keep in mind what you've said already - teenagers are not exactly fountains of knowledge, but they don't have to be! they're teen, so they need to learn

Don't allow your daughter to be disrespectful (she called you useless for not being able something she failed to do...she was just as "useless" as you were) and make sure there are consequences (e.g you won't help her next time in similar scenario if it isn't very serious), but at the same time step back a little.

So your kid had no clue that GP is closed on weekends - if she asked you could have told her and leave it at that, even if she didn't believe she'd find out soon enough herself

If you know you're right then leave it for her to find out you were right, you don't have to argue about it

and thinking about it,..maybe get off her case a little? if you are constantly pestering her to talk to you then she is in constant state of being annoyed with you

its a vicious circle and not talking when at home is nit exactly a crime, not everyone has to like the chatter

Thank you to the kind helpful posters. There has been some very valuable advice. Thank you.