When people say just stop

[Flyhigher]

So sister and DD say just stop when I try to fight back at times.

Sometimes they are very rude/ stressed full of tone.

They have tone and I ask them to be nice, or I get upset and go quiet or I ask them to not have a tone.

They say just stop.

Is there any come back to just stop?

No. There isn't. It's just an ending phrase.

What can you say/do to try to make things better after that?

I feel like I'm being destroyed slowly.

ND has a genetic component so it’s possible that your dd is too.

I think that sometimes people want to vent and don’t expect a solution. I understand why you want to solve her problems (as an outsider you can see things more clearly) but she might respond better to sympathy rather than solutions sometimes.
For example “Why am I in this situation again?” Is not always a question that needs answering. Sometimes it’s code for “FFS, this has happened to me again”
As you suggested disengaging might help you stay sane.

I think we are all a bit ND. Or maybe Covid and social media has sent us all a bit ND.
Being a teen mum is like being held hostage in your own house by younger terrorists that use words as their weapons. Constant state of destabilisation by the teens designed to break and control.

I didn't get taught how to resolve conflicts. But then I don't think sister or teen actually can. They just bulldoze.

We aren’t all a bit ND. Teenagers aren’t terrorists. No one is trying to make you a hostage. Seems they see you as an aggressor and someone who always has to have their say. You see yourself as a victim. Both can’t be right. Maybe some RL help in how to communicate and be a parent.

I meant I think my family is a bit ND.
Teens can be very very hard. If yours hasnt been then I'm really happy for you.

I am not a victim. But I am being bullied/oppressed. It's easy to call everyone that complains is a victim. That way the aggressor always wins.

Have you tried talking to your GP about the stress you're feeling? It could help you feel more in control and therefore to comminicate better.

But you claim it’s not just one person doing this. You also say your sister is as well. And nothing you have said actually suggests you’re being bullied at all.

I feel like a hostage in my own house. Can't talk unless she wants to. She decides when she deigns to talk to anyone. Its silence outside of that teen moods dominate the house.
Young kids are also little dominators. Then from 4 till 10 it's magical.
11 till 16 it's a power struggle. Stressful.

If you managed your teens brilliantly I'm very very happy for you. And envious!

It’s normal for teens to generally keep themselves to themselves. That’s not bullying.

I am told to shut up. Not to speak. I'm wrong. It doesn't work like that.
I'm tired. Get me this. Buy me that. Go away.

Life is a battle. If you are perceived as weak you get trampled. Just like on here.

You’re not clear about when you are told not to speak.
And sometimes you will be wrong. That’s life!
Sounds like you need RL help with this.

I guess it doesn't feel normal to me to never talk.
I'm extrovert and probably used to and need chatter in the house. Even just a couple of sentences a day would be nice.

Told all the time! Do you have teens? Maybe you are more introvert and just don't mind it as much.

Or just accept it as teen behaviour

I am never allowed to be right. Ever.

You contradict yourself. You say you want chatter and you’re an extrovert. Then you say you want a couple of sentences a day.
And why do you need to be “right”. You make it sound like you’re picking arguments.

I am an extrovert. I am willing to accept just a couple of sentences a day from a teen. Not a contradiction it's just separate ideas.

You're really starting to sound like you're feeling very sorry for yourself here. Is it just you and your daughter in the house? If so, can you not get out more and see people (not your sister or parents)? Friends? Colleagues?
I have teens and I don't recognise anything you describe. Yes, they can be moody, annoying, rude, selfish, want time alone. That is just normal teenage behaviour. It's about learning when to leave them alone, when to parent, putting rules and boundaries in place for things you feel are important.

But you also say you have problems with other people. Like your sister.

Why do I have to be wrong all day every day. Aren't the teens picking arguments?
Why do I have to be trampled on to be aTeen mum.
You either haven't experienced this level of war zone.
Or you also do this continually to everyone you talk to. You are also basically saying I'm completely wrong with everything I'm saying.
I can't be wrong about 100%.

@MermaidEyes
do yours also chat to you on occasion? I have just 1, and have husband but he can handle it. Doesn't like it. But can handle.

Her pmt moods are horrible. I am feeling sorry for myself. I've been beaten down.

Sister is very stressed in between jobs. And menopause. Also dealing with very cranky elderlies.

I do find teens hard. Other people handle it better definitely.

Yes mine chat to me a lot. They'll have days where they barely speak and it's just the basics (What's for dinner/Can you drop me at X place/Have my jeans been washed?). But then they have chatty days where we sit and talk over a cuppa, watch tv, go shopping or to the pub. I've always had a very open relationship with mine. They know they can talk to me about anything, but they also know I won't put up with rudeness and shit. I know my kids moods and when it's best to leave them alone.
Seeing as you have a husband, there should be no need for silence in the house. maybe you should spend more time with him and less time focussing on your daughter. Do you actually do anything together that she likes?

At some point, in a particular section of UK society, something went very wrong and parents started looking up to teens, rather than teens looking up to parents.

I see it time and time again on here, parents being kept up by loud teens into the early hours, teens allowing their bedrooms to become disgusting (including rotting food), teens demanding parents pick them up at ridiculous hours etc etc. And so many advising the parents to ‘let it go’ or ‘you will lose them’.

If you allow your teen to become the alpha, you will have a very unhappy and dysfunctional household. Of course, they have a right to be heard but, ultimately, the parent gets the right to decide. And parents do have the levers of controlling money and screens, two things that teens desperately want.

Of course, winning a battle isn’t the goal, living happily together is. But sometimes that means laying down the law. If either of my teens told me to ‘just stop’ (aggressively), I would reply, yup, going to stop your allowance and your screen time until you can be polite and respectful.

She is the alpha. She's won.