When people say just stop

[Flyhigher]

So sister and DD say just stop when I try to fight back at times.

Sometimes they are very rude/ stressed full of tone.

They have tone and I ask them to be nice, or I get upset and go quiet or I ask them to not have a tone.

They say just stop.

Is there any come back to just stop?

No. There isn't. It's just an ending phrase.

What can you say/do to try to make things better after that?

I feel like I'm being destroyed slowly.

I dont know what to make with your post.
Are you one of them that just goes on and on like a broken record until someone says FFS JUST STOP WILL YA.
We have one in our family that when asked or told something just goes on and on and on Like a parrot repeating over and over on and on until we crack and say the above.

are you asking them questions or being passive-aggressive?

It sounds like for this and previous posts signal you are struggling to communicate.

How do you find communicating with friends and work colleagues?

She will say help me with my belly bar ring.
I try to help. It's not easy. She shouts and says just stop you are useless go away.

I am having problems communicating yes. It's very very difficult. Don't think it's all my fault. Yes having trouble everywhere.

I'm not constantly trying to have my say. I listen a lot. Just trying occasionally to be heard to have a voice to speak.

I'm shouted down a lot.

Yes it's rude. Then if you try to justify yourself you are the one that's going on / being confrontational.

Unless you have gone on and on and on and they've tried other ways and literally have to say it to get you to stop?

That's mean. Maybe they have difficulties communicating might be autistic. Have a need to repeat things. Must admit my Mum does it. She's getting forgetful and difficult.

@Coconutter24 it's a 16 year old and she hates it if I have knowledge on anything. When try to elaborate on anything providing any context. It's just stop.

Or if I'm asking about friends what they are doing.

She shares nothing of her life. It's lonely.

It's a way of shutting people down as soon as they say something you don't like, a form of control.

I have a 17 year old who sounds very similar. Everything I have to say is automatically utter rubbish and they think I have nothing useful at all to offer. I'm hoping it's a normal teenage phase, breaking away from parental control and influence and they'll grow out of it. They are spectacularly rude to me unless they want something. I tell them just once when they're being rude and I've just backed off as much as possible and I'm hoping they come back. If this is how our relationship is going to always be, that makes me very sad. Maybe there's a something like this going on with you?

Exactly this.
I’ve noticed it’s a fairly new thing. Like even if you say something/anything, they don’t agree with. A bit like cancelling.
Its a rude, passive aggressive way to deal with anyone, let alone your mum.

I’ve got two DSs, early 20s and almost 16. If either of them spoke to me like that, especially when they’re asking for help, they would find that their lives would become harder.

This needs to start with a firm but calm response and consequences.

I beg your pardon? Speak to me like that again and you will be sorting out/doing your own Xxx from now on.

And then stick to it.

Mine learned very quickly not to repeat this.

Your DD is treating you like dirt. I don’t parent mine like my DM did me: the one time I spoke to her very rudely at 16/17 she slapped me. But I do not do soft parenting that basically excuses poor behaviour. I challenge it and it usually changes - quickly.

Have you not put any consequences in places? I would not tolerate this level of rudeness.

PS At 16/17 they need to know that poor behaviour has consequences. They should not get to treat other adults well - I’m presuming they do? - and their own parents like dirt.

@Flyhigher its totally normal for teens not to want to share much in the way of details of their life. It’s about them growing up and developing independence.
If they aren’t asking you to share knowledge then stop trying to force it on them.
Teens think they know it all. You’ll never get anywhere if you try and prove you know more.
Stick to parenting.

Are you neurodiverse OP? Your posts are hard to understand as they are very vague.

We need a specific example

Dd: Can you give me a lift to the station?
You: What time?
Dd: Just stop!

is very different to

Dd: Can you give me a lift to the station?
You: What train are you taking and what time will you be back? Who are you going with and have you got enough money? Don’t forget to return those tops at Primark.
Dd: Just stop!

First one, dd should explain that she needs to hear from her friends before she can give you a time. Second one, you are treating her like she’s much younger so she will be understandably annoyed.

I’m neurodiverse and the vague, last minute plans laid by my teens is the complete opposite to my personality but I had to let them organise their life in their way because it’s their life. They learn better from forgetting to take their Primark returns and having to sell the clothes rather than me nagging them into it. When you are proven right, (say the belly button piercing incident) do you mention that she should have called the piercer like you said? That’s only going to piss her off even though you suggested calling both to cover more bases.

It’s normal for 16 year olds to want privacy and not want to discuss friends- I can see why your dd would get annoyed with that topic.

If you having knowledge annoys her, maybe play down that “you know best” You know because you are older, have life experience and may have made mistakes that taught you what is “right” . Do you let your dd make mistakes?

@Maray1967 good for you. I wasn't looking for advice thank you, but feel free to judge my entire parenting approach based on one paragraph.

She's your daughter not your friend. Why are you lonely when she doesn't share her life with you?

You need to find other interests and stop asking about her life. Be a parent and let her share what she wants to share

As a few have said it’s normal for 16 year old to not want to discuss friends etc however that doesn’t call for rudeness which it seems your DD is being. Does she have any consequences when she’s being rude or is she just allowed to walk over you, if it’s the latter stop allowing it and show her you won’t stand for it.

No idea what a belly bar ring is, it sounds awful, but if your daughter has one, presumably she should know how to deal with it. You can decline to be involved.

@BoohooWoohoo there's a bit of truth in those scenarios and others when she is just damn rude.

I try to set boundaries but I fail. My generation got hit and shouted down. So I try to reason with her and she walks all over me. She is VERY headstrong. Which is ok sometimes. Other times she just then panicky demands advice now and in her format.

I think maybe a lot of my family are a bit bipolar or ND or something. The impatience is extreme.

I am not in a good place. At all.

It's ongoing psychological torture. With elderly parents now too. And a sister that is also stressed and also very last minute and dictatorial. It's very very hard.

I hate the waiting and lack of planning. I'm done. I think. I need to get out. Of Everything. Just want to sleep.

It's ongoing psychological torture. With elderly parents now too. And a sister that is also stressed and also very last minute and dictatorial. It's very very hard.

Very kindly, I think you need to step away from your family for a little while. I know that's easier said than done, and obviously your daughter will always need you more than the others so you have to be there for her when it's important, but otherwise take a step back and just focus on yourself for a while. Try and put clear and firm boundaries in place with everyone.