Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

Sugar, you will be ok, and we will make sure you purge yourself of any feelings of being mean and spiteful .

I never had anyone one to tell either but also, I lost all perspective of what was right and wrong, what was acceptable and what wasn't. I felt ashamed and guilty because I was made to believe that everything was my fault. It's been a huge weight off my shoulders too bearing all, my chest actually does feel lighter, like a big stome has been removed. Mind you PC and Baffy keep getting landed with a little but more The flood gates have been opened!! Wey Hey!

You go for it Sugar, it will do you the world of good, you can really tell it as it is. xxx

Thats what worries me Tanee. Before I die I would like to experience a loving relationship, equal, balanced, healthy and happy. But I don't know if I would dare tale the risk!

Have a lovely evening ladies. Am off into hiding now before P gets home. Don't want to spoil a good day xxx

.. and as good old Trisha Goddard says
"normal is just a cycle on your washing machine!"
The men I know who are 'normal' bore me to tears, and I think that has always been my problem
Have fun with the ceiling - G&T sounds good.

What is normal? and is it ok to change your mind of normal half way through your life? deep questions for us to ponder.

Good for you sugar - i dont believe you have no friends you really did seem so lovely.
I think maybe all us woman over think things so you are not alone.

Right you lot - STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE!!!

There are lots of gorgeous, caring, loving, kind, generous men out there.

(Granted - most of them are taken so we have no chance! )

But for every awful, weak man out there. There are women who are just as bad. So some of the good blokes will be back on the market at some point! The trick is finding them!! There are others who have just never met the 'one'. And those who lived out their carefree existence seeing whoever they wanted while they could, and before deciding to settle down. (Rather than deciding to give that lifestyle a go in the middle of a marriage!! )
Lets face it - if there are women as great as us on the market then there surely, for whatever reason, has to be some equally as great men...

Anyway, I really think I was blessed to have such a loving relationship for so many years. Everyone's relationships have bad times. And I guess that for H, his solution to the bad time didn't involve communication, it involved 'taking his mind off it' with anyone who offered it on a plate. As long as they were as far removed from his loving, hard working, down to earth wife, as possible!! Then he could life out the fantasy carefree life, without a strong sensible woman dragging him back to reality.

Now - that's most definitely his loss in the long run! As I think he is finding out now.

But I do believe that one day, if he ever does learn from this and grow up, the woman who ends up with him will actually be a lucky woman. Because he is so so capable of being a fantastic husband and father.
It's just in the last 18 months, he really has lost the plot.

I digress...

Those relationships are out there. And they are worth the risk. When you're ready for it

Exactly, HW - define 'normal'. My mother's idea of a normal man, perfect husband material, would be my idea of dull dull dull. (My father, I have to admit, is NOT normal - they've been married for 54 years but he's NUTS!)

And we all change with the years, and need to adapt to that change, or the relationship fails. In the past, most people didn't expect their marriages to last for 50+ years, as one partner or the other died relatively young. I sometimes think we expect too much of each other.

And they definitely are deep questions HW.

'Normal'... hmm.... difficult one!

Much easier to come up with answers to things like that with a nice glass of wine to help!

Can you tell I'm stuck in work and would just love a nice glass of wine and not to be pretending to do a tax update whilst distracting myself with mumsnet.

When will I learn that if I actually stop messing about on here, the work will be done quicker and I can go home!

Stop having such interesting conversations you lot!

Thanks Baffy, we needed that. Actually, DP IS gorgeous, loving, generous etc etc - he's also sometimes depressive with a tendency to drink too much. Hey ho, can't have it all

And yes, there must be horrible women out there treating their men badly. When I was 30 & still unmarried, my mother used to ask me when I was going to settle down and do babies etc, because when was older, I would be unable to find any marriageable men. I told her that I would be fine, because they would all be coming back on the market later, as you said . She didn't see the funny side! And the first time I stayed over at DP's, some 20 years ago, she told me I was ruining my life! So here we are, twenty years and one marriage later - ruining my life !

And I was supposed to be going home to a big G&T - Ok, I really am. C U all tomorrow.

PMSL Tanee!

Right, I'm off to do some work. Really.

baffy you are so right - and i can just feel the forgiveness in your post. if your h does ever get another woman she will never be a patch on you and i am sure she will know that too.

at the weekend met with an old friend who 20 years ago cheated on his then girlfriend - he is still with ow but still holds a tourch for his girlfriend - its pretty sad really but i am sure this will be what happens with you.

Thanks HW

Right I really am going now...

And I'm going home. Really....

have you really gone?

Who will be the last one here?

I'm still lurking! And I will be back on later when I get home...

So stop posting and distracting me!!

Have they gone?

Message withdrawn

Hello all {smile}

Just a quick hello, wanted to let you all know that I'm still alive! I'm gutted I didn't make the meetup, sounds like you all had a great time.

Sorry I haven't been around much, but been thinking of you all.

Lots of love xxx

Hi all

Another busy day but just wanted to let you know i am feeling a lot calmer now. Didnt phone and have a rant even though it was very tempting.

But h has decided he really does want out and so this may give the chance without it looking like he is running away or abandoning them. He does not want to 'force' her out (however tempting short-term - he does not want anyone to think he ruined her career).

It is lovely and sunny today here so hoping it makes us all feel much more spring like.

Good morning girls

HW I am so pleased you are feeling better about things today. I hope you have a lovely day xx

Baffy, that was a brilliant post! You have come such a long way.
I suppose when we talk of 'normal' what maybe be regarded as 'normal' to some may not be 'normal' to other's so maybe I chose a wrong word when I asked the question. But the possibility of falling for what appears to be yet another charming man who turns out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing is petrifying! I wonder how you would spot the good from the not so good?

It's a lovely sunny day here too, i'm stripping the beds. Well mine, dd's and ds's

PC any news on your trip to the states?

TFM they're not easy to spot at first are they! I think the trick is to take things very slowly. Keep an eye out for the signs (which we should now be experts at spotting!) and we'll just know if it feels right or not. I'm sure of it

At least we learn from our mistakes don't we!

I'm feeling really strange about everything to be honest. H has changed a lot. Since the 'famous band' incident I think he really has had enough of her
He's texting me and asking about ds constantly. Texting 'goodnight' and things like that. This is all stuff that he used to do when he first left, but obviously once she was getting all his attention we hardly heard from him. Especially not in the evenings.

I told him I'm taking ds to the Trafford Centre tomorrow night for some tea and to have a look round the shops. And he's asked if he can tag along.

Now there was a time when I really would have jumped at the chance. I'd do anything just to spend some time with him.

But to be honest, I'm not even sure I want to even see him. Let alone spend an evening with him.

I'm starting to feel as though he's realised what a twunt he's been and he's wondering about the possibility of coming back.
(What I wanted all along!!)

And you'll all probably think I'm mad, but I now feel as though he is one cheeky *%$! to even think that!! He might as well turn round and say, I know it's taken me 18 months, and I was never going to come back while I was still having my fun with her, but now that's over I'm ready to give you a chance again...

He doesn't deserve to call the shots over whether we give it another try. And I'm wondering if this is my stubborn streak coming out, but I just don't feel anywhere near ready to give him that chance.

I imagine all the lies. All the things he said to her. All the times he put her before me and ds. Stupid things, like I wrote him a letter when I served him with the divorce papers, pretty much begging him to stop being so selfish and to sign the papers and let me move on. And she saw the letter! He let her read it!

He has undermined the whole marriage time and time again. And I haven't come first in any of it.

He's come 1st. She's come 2nd. That's the end of it.

I feel really weird about it all today as I had another nightmare last night.

Must run... got meeting now.

Catch up later xx

morning all

flippin hec I go into a few meetings and to get new tyres for my car and it all happens here whilst I'm away!

HW, glad you're feeling calmer. Can only agree with what's been said in terms of staying out of it. Trusting H to deal with it, I think, will be an enormous leap forward for you as a couple. The fact that he is keeping you informed and clearly trusting you in this way is great. You can make your points and opinions to him and help him but wading in on his behalf wouldn't empower him.

Lily, how was your night?

SG, great to "see" you. Hope all ok.

Well, I had an evening of "woe is me" texts from H. He's not in a good place right now. I trod a fine line between sympathy, kick up the bum and you brought this on yourself responses. It all came out, lonliness, crap father, dirty house, dirty laundry etc. Told him to get a cleaner and see his kids more frequently and stop wearing the hair shirt in a nutshell. Not quite as harshly as all that but you get the picture.

He seems better this morning so hopefully a small dip. Am still pushing him to agree scheduled access.

Trip to States looks like it will be early May which is not good for me as GPs have plans. Hoping to move it to week before or week after. Will know more end of next week after viability testing.

Tricky to know whether to book Tenerife tho

as for how we tell which one's a good un and which is not. i think it really is a case of taking things very very very slowly and not falling hard and fast. something i'm not particularly good at

baffy, my heart goes out to you. i think you're actually in the hardest place you have ever been now that H is shaping up and behaving like the man you knew once again.

it's like i said in the car at the weekend, i have so many questions about what my H was doing and when etc. things still pop into my head and i think "oh that must've been when H was ......." lightbulb moments eh.

after the great big revelation and fall out summer 06 i was way too quick to just let H walk back in. i was so desperate for the family and for everything to be okay. i believed everthing he said about doing anything to make it okay. 3 months later he'd done a bunk again and we are where we are now.

if you don't want to spend time with H tomorrow evening then don't. you have control now, you are in charge. don't relinquish that too quickly. you guys have to build a platform of mutual trust and friendship where you want to hang out togeher rather than feel you must for ds's sake.

do everything at your own pace now!

I'm trying to do this with my H but he's not coming to the party right now. I think he was a little surprised by my responses last night. when he said he missed female company and i didn't fall over myself to suggest meeting up etc. i just said you get support adn understanding and affection from a relationship and he said i don't have that adn i said but that's the way you wanted it.

i'm rambling, sorry for all the he said/i said stuff!

Morning all.

Just a quick one as im feeling very poorly today. Thought cough had gone but it hasnt and now struggling to breathe so its the docs at 11 for me.

Pc i sent you an email because i dont have tfm email addy. Sorry

It probably didnt make complete sense as i was v tired and i was just typing away.I didnt spill all just got a lot of the major things said. Have never told anyone everything before.

Anyway i will catch up soon. Take care x