Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

sugar, did you send to hotmail?

hope you feel better soon.

ps: i think you rock and you are soo not spiteful or mean. you're a warm, compassionate, amazing person and you protect your own. qualities i admire and respect.

There is always something isn't there!

Baffy, if you do decide to see him, to let him tag along then all I would say it just make sure it is what you want to do. Don't do it for him, don't even do it for ds, this is your time with ds and he could be perceived as encroaching on it, so, we are not going to use ds as an excuse!

I think you have come such a long way. I also think you have outgrown him, you have left him standing. All the damage he has done is not going to be put right with a few 'goodnight' texts and lots of enquiring about ds. We have to bear in mind how devious and underhand this man has been, how he has lied and manipulated you right from day one, right from when he talked you into selling your family home.

In fact, now I have written all that I am going to stick my nose in and I am going to beg you not to fall for his bulls**t! Please, do not put yourself in a position where you are going to get hurt again. He may well be on the turn, you may well be getting a glimpse of how he was in the early days but, what we want to see is a glimpse of the man you fell in love with, not a glimpse of the lying, cheating git that broke your heart!!

Yes, TFM is back!!

PC I hope you manage to sort something out for dd. Do you think if the trip clashed with GP plans and couldn't be chnaged, would you trust H to have her? We he agree to have her? I really have a good feeling about this trip and I don't want you to miss out on it!!
As for Tenerife, when are you thinking of going? If it is before May then you should go! Get it booked.

Good for you for not pandering to H, for not giving him permission to be a victim. It's not good that he is in a bad place but, he has to realise that he has to rise above it, try to get out of it, not seek comfort and reassurance because that gives him permission to stay there IYSWIM. I'm proud of you!

Sugar I have sent you a message (email) on FB xx

Well said TFM!

GPs have said they will cancel their plans but hardly seems fair. I have serious twitchy feelings about H looking after dd for so long while I am so far away. Same as I don't feel comfortable with her staying with CM for so long either.

Hopefully can be brought forward or delayed by one week.

If viability test goes badly next week it will all change. Tenerife is 11/4 for a week so time is getting tight. Cannot book till after viability test

Meeting cancelled until tomorrow. Bliss

Don't worry - I won't be falling for it again. I really won't this time. I don't think I want him back And for the first time in my life, I actually mean that. I have absolutely no desire to see him. I don't even care at the moment whether he is happy with that or not. In fact I don't care if he hates me. I guess then, at least the feeling would be mutual! Double

Sunshine great to 'see' you. How are you?

Sugar that doesn't sound too good - hope you're feeling better quickly.

PC - good for you for keeping strong with H. I get the 'woe is me' texts all the time. Like you say, it's the way they wanted it. So tough!!

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PC will you please make me a promise that if you can't sort the trip/dates to suit you will allow GP to cancel their plans. I know it sounds selfish and mean of me to suggest it but it isn't really, it's just cos we are nice and giving ladies who put others above ourselves, thats why we spend a lot of time looking up from the bottom of the pile. If GP's are happy to 'postpone' things then let them. They have more of an opportunity to rearrange things for a later date than you do. This trip is going to only come along once! Just for once, will you please put yourself first. Pretty please

Mmmm, Tenerife a tricky one. I suppose it all depends on the States trip. It might end up a bit tight if the dates are very close together. Bum!

Baffy, pleased to hear the meeing is cancelled, more MN time!! Wey Hey!
I am so pleased to hear you won't be falling for it, I am delighted to hear you don't think you want him back. That means he is really going to have to put a lot of hard work in if he is serious about things with you. You make sure you stay strong!!

Do you think sometimes that we may take them back because at the time it's a nice feeling knowing that they actually want you? I have been thinking about me and my situ and I think the reason I always fall back into the trap is because it feels so good to be 'liked' again, the relief after weeks of crap is immense, I am just so grateful that he seems to like me again that I slip back into it. It doesn't last though does it

Oh oh! Dior Action needed!

I agree TFM - it's nice to know they want you. Rejection is an awful thing to deal with.

I think that's the thing for me - I kept fighting when I thought he didn't want me because I knew I was worth so much more, and I couldn't stand the thought that perhaps he'd chosen her over me. I wanted him to want me! But now I think he does, it has brought up all those other questions in the background, of whether I really can go back, and whether the relationship is worth the (high) risk of going through all this again.
As happy as I used to be. And as much as I love(d) him. I'm not sure it is worth it.

Dior is he just slipping back into his old ways?

Are you trying to get close and talk to him and he's rejecting that?

Or are you both quite happy to be in your own worlds?

TFM, the thing is it's a show my DM has had booked with her DF for some time. She did say she would cancel if necessary. I just hate being beholden adn she does so much for me already etc etc. I will wait and see how it pans out next week tho.

If push comes to shove then I will accept her cancelling if she still will.

I've forwarded sugar's email to you btw.

Totally with you and Baffy on the whole "I want you to want me so I can tell you to get stuffed" thing

I am so much stronger and resolute when H is being needy than when he is being distant.

Dior, good questions from Baffy. Has complacency set in for you both? Do you want to jazz it up again? Can you come up with some ideas to do that? Now that you're both on the same page wrt the future d'you think another round of counselling might be a good idea?

at the 'get stuffed' bit!

Do you know what, I am a bit worried that P has found himself a new 'victim'. I haven't told you about the 'emotional affair' he had with a young woman in his office, another story BUT, there is something different about him this time, usually by now he would be starting to get charming again, trying to win me round but he isn't. He is still being cold and nasty at every opportunity he gets. The thing that makes me think he has another 'victim' is the book I have just finished reading about verbal abuse. It is him to a tee! It's quite indepth but, it goes on to explain that only when he has 'finished' with you, got a new 'dream woman' in his sights/life, will he not try to win you back, he will continue in his campaign of hostility. Well, this woman sho he has been having the 'emotional affair' with has now set her date for her wedding and it is in a few weeks time, all pretty quick. I am wondering if his behaviour towards me can be explained by this, if he has been rebuffed he is going to be angry. I am also a little more than concerned for this young woman, if she has out an end to their emotional affair, if he decides to get nasty with her too her job will be at stake. Maybe I am wrong but, there is definately something going on with him his behaviour is very different, very unnerving.
Thanks for letting me get that off me chest

Of course, because I haven't told you the in's and out's of all that you aren't going to be able to make head nor tail of it! Well done if you do!

PC, thanks for Sugars email, she got to me first and i've replied

Oh no TFM that sounds awful, but it does all make sense. How you manage to keep smiling in the face of all this is amazing you know!!

I don't think we do need to make sense of it all, you have that well sorted yourself! Like I've said, that knowledge is all good stuff. The more knowledge and understanding you have, the more control you have.

And he doesn't need to know anything does he. The less he knows about what you're thinking the better

Thanks Baffy To be honest, I really don't know myself how I keep smiling! And you know the daft thing, I am really quite worried for this young woman, if I am right, and I have a feeling I am, he will make sure she suffers.

But you are right about not telling him anything. That is my full intention. When my plans fall into place he is going to be in for one hell of a shock I just wish it could be sooner rather than later but, never mind, you can't have it all can you

p.s. why are you concerned for this woman?!?

Stop it young lady!!!!

If she has embarked on an emotional affair with your dp then why do you even care if she bares the brunt of his anger!!!!!

Ok ok I remember you telling me off for the exact same thing when I had sympathy for the OW. I understand why you feel concern. I bet it's because she has no idea what he's capable of too.

But... she is most definitely not your problem. OK??

Exactly! I know what she is in for, she doesn't. Plus, I think it was more his doing than hers, I think she more took advantage of what he was offering, well, he is her boss and she did get 3 pay rises and a huge car allowance out of him, all within 12 months . While he was telling me he didn't love me he was coming home with details about her, I remained very calm at the time, took it all in but didn't say anything. I suspect that he has set his sights on her and bombarded her, just like he did me. I think she played him for what she could get, the fool! I think it's all backfired on him now and I'm copping it!

But I suppose you are right, you will have known what she was doing at the time, not my problem really is it? God, give me a slap!

(I mean she will have known what she was doing)

Honestly, you really do take so much on yourself that you just shouldn't have to be dealing with.

Other people realise their partners are having an emotional affair and totally breakdown. Require months of counselling and years of reassurance to be able to get their relationship back on track (which is as it should be! after all the trust has been broken.)

But what do you do, take it all in, deal with it, then feel sorry for the woman involved!

Stop it!!

Sounds like she is not naive in the slightest. She took him for what she could get. Now whatever she gets in return, really, is nobody's problem but hers!

Sorry if I sound like a cold hearted bitch there. but I have no sympathy for these sorts of people. I really don't think she deserves another minute in your thoughts.

xxxxx

Yes! You are right! I'm just being soft, and that hasn't got me very far in the past has it?

I've been way too tolerant haven't I? Too forgiving. I feel quite angry at myself for everything I have let him get away with. I should have quit this relationship a long time ago. I can tell you something, I will never, ever look at him through the same eyes again. I will never see him in the same light. It really is over this time.

Anyway, she gets married at the end of May. I maybe should prepare myself for what happens after that. Maybe thats when he will start to let up on me.

Thanks Baffy xxx

By the way Baffy, the trust was broken when he took my best mate (ex best mate) out for a meal when I was first pregnant with dd. He told me he was on a boys night out. She felt guilty about it so she spilled the beans. Thats the one and only time he has ever said sorry to me.

sorry, bit busy at work (how very dare they expect me to do any?!)

just can't stay quiet on this one:

TFM, sounds to me like this woman played the game for greatest personal game. Well there ain't no such thing as a free lunch and she in no way deserves any of your concern. if he's giving her a hard time now then she deserves it quite frankly.

don't waste your energy beating yourself up for being too tolerant. focus on your own next steps and what's best for you and your dc.

lecture over, back to work for me now

ps: I think I may model my future self on Cruella DeVille from now on

personal gain
!!

I'm so glad you've finally been able to see him for what he really is.

You have a strength and a tolerance level way beyond anything I've ever seen. Honestly you really do.

But please please do not let him get away with it anymore.

You know me - always thinking you should work at a relationship no matter what. Always believe that people make mistakes and should be forgiven and not punished forever.

But TFM, he is something else. He really is

Thanks PC Yes you are right, both you and Baffy. I just lost my way a bit

I'm feeling a bit angry today, not so sure if I'm feeling angry at him or more angry at myself for putting up with everything. Just ignore me, I will probably be back to normal soo, after I've given myself a good talking to.

Just let me get this off my chest though. He came home at 5.50pm. I went to my room and left him to have time with dd. What did he do? He put her in her room and put on a dvd for her to watch then sat in the living room watching TV.

Thanks guys {smile] xx