Fab & Glam Part 4 - Spring into Happiness!

[Paddlechick666]

Good Lord people, we've filled a thread up in about 6 weeks!

Anyways, here's a link to the venue Tanee suggested for a picnic:

www.coramsfields.org/index.php

Looks fabulous so let's get planning!

ps: sorry for London/Southern centric take on this but we'll plan hits around the rest of the country too I promise.

pps: Lily, get yer butt on FB woman!

TFM - good luck with the appt - i hope everything is ok.
Glad everything is great for you at the moment are you enjoying your garden again?

Thankyou

Ooh yes HW, I certainly am. It's looking beautiful, I can't stop looking at it daft or what!

Oh no TFM I'm sorry to hear that
So glad P is finally stepping up the plate and being the loving supportive partner you need.

I hope the appointment goes well, make sure you let us know.

FWIW I found a lump last May. Just around the time me and H split up 'properly'. I was scared to death and didn't tell a soul (posted on here in a different name for advice) and went to all the appointments alone. Turned out to be absolutely harmless in the end. But I think I understand how you're feeling so if you need to talk/e-mail/text you know where I am.

lily you're spot on - can't get on here anywhere near as much as in my old job! At least I no longer live in fear of being sacked because someone reviewed my internet usage!

Macd what planet is he on wanting an invite to the wedding! It's exactly the sort of thing me and H have had arguments over as he just couldn't understand why people had stopped inviting him to things!! It's not rocket science is it!

Just further confirmation that they really are living on another planet right now. And not a planet we wish to join them on!

I think you might find the wedding hard. I know I would. But try to see it as a tiny glimmer of hope for the future. Focus on your dds and your sister's happiness and tell yourself that you too will be that happy again very soon - just as soon as you get rid of him!

HW my work have no idea what's going on at home. With being in such a high profile role and being a woman I felt that it would disadvantage me to have people feeling sorry for me or making allowances for me.
(Not to mention the shame I feel at my husband leaving me for a lap dancer who's 10 years younger than me! )
Might sound daft, but at the moment I wouldn't achieve much by telling them as I'm more than pulling my weight when it comes to workload/hours.

But you're right, if the time comes that I need their support and understanding, and it is getting to the point of me leaving, then I will definitely speak up and see what they can do for me.

With only being here for 8 months I do feel the need to 'prove' myself in such a male dominated world before I start asking for allowances.

Yesterday I got a call of my Exec Director (my boss's boss) to say I've been selected to a fast-track 'leadership development' programme as they've identified me as a potential future Director. I get a Board Member as a Mentor and £20k a year to develop my skills and go on further training. I'm the only woman in the organisation who's been selected for it.
Not sure whether to be happy. Am proud of myself. But I just feel quite alone and under pressure.

Clever you Baffy!! I think its much harder when your DH is SO young, things will be a little easier once he is in full time education, you are bound to feel overwhelmed sometimes specially if you are tired.

I went for an interview for a second p/t job, I spoke to the director and he sounded really flexible about what hours I could do...when I got there one of the other girls in the office was obviously calling the shots and wanted me in for 9am every morning so it was a complete waste of time, I wish they had told me that in advance and I wouldnt have bothered going!! DH is happy to do the school run a couple of times a week but wouldnt be able to do it every day.

Im so used to being independant though I WANT to be working even though I really dont need to.

Hi TFM, glad you're lurking - miss your comments. I do hope all goes well at the breast clinic - I do think it's best to be optimistic in these matters and get it checked asap - as you are doing - let us know how it goes.

McD, weddings are really hard once we know just how hard it is to keep those promises, but I hope you manage to enjoy the day. I'm always a little cynical at weddings now.

Well, DP comes home for the weekend tomorrow. I have mixed feelings - I'm looking forward to seeing him a bit, but not a lot, which saddens me. I haven't really enjoyed talking to him in the evenings. We used to talk for ages when he was on tour before, but don't seem to have much energy or indeed, anything to talk about, this time, so the conversation drags to a halt very quickly. I feel like I made a huge committment to him - I feel more married now than I did when I WAS married - but I don't feel that from him now - not after his comments about selling up. He still says 'I love you', but I don't feel convinced. But I look out of my window at my lovely little garden and think, I'm DAMNED if I'm going to sell up this house that I love and give up easily on this man that I love - or at least, I love the man he is when he's not depressed.

I'm supposed to be going to a LibDem party next weekend, but think maybe I ought to visit him instead - if he invites me - perhaps we can talk better if we're away from home...

Baffy, well done you! That will be a great help too - and as Wilywombat says, it will be easier once DS is in school. It does get easier, you know . Just bear in mind that it shows that they really appreciate your qualities.

Thanks you two

Thank you Baffy, I appreciate that. I do admit to the odd panic attack when I first found it but made a conscious decision not to think the worst so, I'm doing ok

As for you, you should be very proud of yourself! I can understand your mixed feelings though, it's sort of bitter sweet isn't it, you have a fantastic and blossoming career which you would trade in a heartbeat. You have achieved so much and you are only 30!! At this rate you will be able to retire at 40 and bask in the glory! Stay strong Baffy xxx

Thank you Tanee too for your good wishes. I will let you know the outcome, I'm sure it will be ok xx

Tanee - i like your attitude about not selling if you dont want to. You go for it if that what you want. Thats how i felt about DH and my marriage in our troubles before i knew the truth - i was not going to 'give up' without trying everything first. I think i felt a bit bitter about giving up my career though as at the time it was a joint decision for me to stay at home, when things went wrong i felt really cheated that i had given up something i loved and was good at. I would not have gone as far as baffy i am sure but i did give it up for the life i thought me and h were doing together.

So i would say baffy do everything you can to keep that and please do not be ashamed of your h actions (although i know i did for a long time).

TFM - i am in the process of planting our new garden - it is a muddy mess at the moment as we are having some turf put down next week.
I am running the race for life in june and i will think of you then as you have been such a rock for me over this last year.

Bless you HW! That is so lovely of you!

As for your new lawn, I bet you can't wait. I remember when we laid our turf, boy, that was fun! I hope you have your sprinkler at the ready cos as much as I love you I don't want to have to pray for rain!

Tanee, I second what HW says about selling your house. Good for you! Make sure you stick to your guns and only sell if and when you want to sell. Don't forget, men are much cheaper and easier to get hold of than houses these days, less of an asset too!

HW, thanks .

I admit I was shocked when he said he'd been thinking along those lines

a) because he'd said nothing to me, and

b) we went through such hell selling our flats and buying this house that we'd vowed to stay in it till we rotted! Plus we both really liked it (I thought).

I think we still have a whole lot of talking to do, hopefully when he is feeling more positive (which working away from home will do for him) and when he's not had a skinful. I suspect he's suffering a lot of fear and anxiety - over the commitment, the financial pressures, lack of the work he loves, adjusting to the reality of living with someone and a child who is not his, and the cats, loss of privacy and intimacy, fear of the future financially, as he gets older, the various health problems he's developing as he gets older (gone is the super-fit guy I met 20 years ago) - going bald (wicked ).... He used to have only himself to worry about, no mortgage and living on very little. Now he needs to find at least £400 a month to pay his way, and it's proved hard.

Meanwhile I, of course, am a Woman, with a daughter and two cats depending on me - so I just get on with it !

Borrowed a couple of sprinklers already but sorry to say i am praying for rain next week - sorry, maybe it could be just overnight. Also we are on a water meter so it would be cheaper for it to rain.

Oh, and I hope your garden goes well. The turf will make such a difference. I had to reseed half our little lawn last year, and this year it looks so green, and the planting has come on wonderfully after the wet spring. There's a strange little track running along the edge of the lawn, though - I think it's a path used by all the neighbourhood cats - and possibly foxes .

TFM, just to let you know that I'm thinking of investigating my compost bin to see if I have any real compost at the bottom of it yet - after all your advice last year, I'm hopeful .

we would have done the seeding but with the children we wanted an instant lawn to use. I have started planting a boarder but they are only small plants this year so hoping this time next they will have filled the space.
We are also having a party after the race for life so needed a garden for it.

Ooh exciting Tanee, let me know if you do have any. You know, they do reccommend that you have two compost bins because one will be full before it's ready so you are supposed to start on the other one. By the time the second one is full the first one should be ready. Have you been weeing and stirring regularily?

Ok HW, I think we can allow overnight rain. Get the neighbours to donate their bath water

I've just gone to feed the rabbit, put my hand in the food bag and touched something furry. No, not mouldy rabbit food, a little field mouse!!! Oh the joy's of living in the country!

(and yes, I did nearly crap myself pardon my french)

You did well with seed Tanee. The birds would have had it all around here!

TFM glad to hear you are about - fingers (and toes) crossed that it is nothing ...keep us informed xx
Baffy well done you thats sounds very impressive - I get the feeling alone and under pressure - I used to keep going when things were at their worst - then sob and sob between patients - my partners didn't know what was going on for ages Is there anyway you can juggle until DS is in school then it does get easier with after school clubs and things - is there anyway you can stay with your mum for now ?? Not ideal I know but maybe an option....??
Thanks for support guys and words of wisdom HW, Tanee, Lily
Not gonna be possible to keep low profile at wedding - little sis (10 yrs younger) and me are very close - I am matron of honour, DD1 is giving her away (long story dysfunctional family), DD2 is flower girl of sorts though is obviously not walking ...is big seriously bog off affair in country house with overnight stay the night before and after - and really don't want to ruin it for her - will pretend tears are happiness for her but must admit to feeling soooo cynical about marriage...she did ask if I wanted H there but I really dont 9would be even harder) and I know how angry she is with him (they were quite close like a big bro so she feels betrayed as well) and only she knows about OW baby - my parents are not impressed to say the least and my dad can be volatile when drunk - anyway what the hell did he think we would play happy families after he betrayed his marriage so spectacularly ......

Good for you McD - you will look fantastic and have a fabulous time with your family around you. Of course he feels left out of all the lovely freebies at the wedding - shame.

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I don't think you're cynical about marriage macd - I prefer to think of it as 'wiser'

My little sis (12 years younger than me) also felt very betrayed by H as they were so close and she'd known him since she was a toddler. H can't understand why she's stopped speaking to him!

It sounds like it will be a lovely occasion though. Especially with you and dds so heavily involved. You will be the proudest person there watching your two beautiful girls. Don't give him a second thought!

Thanks Dior

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Thanks Dior, oh, the jolly ups and downs of lurve !

Game for a half-term meet up too. Any other takers?