Well that can only mean one thing, can't it

[furbys]

Married, two kids, still on maternity leave with the second. I thought we were good.

On Sunday I saw a WhatsApp message on my husbands phone, number saved as a boys name, picture very much a woman, no previous texts just one message from my husband saying "Furbys will be in with the baby asleep by 9.30. Don't text before then. I promise I'll phone tonight xxx"

Total fluke that I saw it, the baby had grabbed his phone when he was on his play mat and it was open on that message. I somehow instantly knew exactly what I'd just read and clicked off when I heard my husband coming back into the room. He snatched it off the mat so quickly. I didn't have a chance to check his phone again for days as he hasn't had it out his sight but he did today and I checked and the message isn't there now.

Well thats fucking that then isn't it? I've said nothing, to be honest I'm trying to not even think about it, but I know what I've found

Exactly. The posts describing how to humiliate yourself by snooping on the adulterer would just be a waste of OPs time.
Once you’ve seen a solicitor, tell the man you no longer find him attractive and the marriage is over. He will parent his kids 50/50, so email you to discuss the contact schedule. When he blusters or tries to argue, just wrinkle your nose and repeat you cannot be married to a man you’re not attracted to.

OP, when you confront him and he concocts some convoluted story about what you saw - it was regarding a gift for you, she's just a friend but he knew you'd overreact hence the secrecy, etc etc.

Occam's razor - the simplest explanation is preferable to a more complex one. He's far more likely to be cheating and lying to you than some far fetched story.

Echoing the above. You don't know the stage it's at... could just be the casual flirting stage, or many months in. As you said OP, if it can be considered, it's probably already past the point of no return.

If this were me, I'd probably do one final test... just leave your phone somewhere and ask for his. Something simple like booking theatre tickets or looking up train tickets to see a friend. Ask when he has his phone, ideally when he's put it down so he can't say 'give me a minute' (time to delete the messages). His response will tell you everything.

Forget drowning his phone or asking to borrow it to see his reaction.
Be the bigger person.
Just say 'I saw your message to Andy' and wait. Then take it from there.

I'm sorry.

This. He doesnt need to know you know.

@furbys My husband was just the same- So say horrified by men he knew who cheated and would say how awful it was…..

Then he did exactly the same thing…,

I’m so sorry

Your poor child/ren too.

It’s just all so emotionally exhausting.

I’m sure she knows what her mother in law or sister in law looks like! Why would they need to be saved under a male name?! and why would he need his partner to go to bed to ring either?! Perplexed by your contribution.

Don’t say anything to him.

Call the number and introduce yourself and then sit back and wait to see what happens.

You deserve so much more than this behaviour from him.

And why would he need to leave the house to call them?

Agree with all of this!

Why are you so offended by the phrase "get your ducks in a row"? Do you literally not know what it means?

It means get yourself organised and prepared. It's solid advice for anybody potentially facing the turmoil and vulnerability of a separation.

There are a whole lot of things you can do to protect yourself and your finances, the example I gave was to sort out any joint accounts. There are endless stories on Mumsnet of men clearing out joint accounts the moment separation is threatened, leaving their partner (and usually mother of their children) penniless.

Also, preparing for the future, such as organising childcare, housing, support from friends and family, or getting work sorted out, etc - sorting out these things ahead of time can make a split easier and smoother for a future single mum.

But genuinely, how can a woman simply pretend she doesn’t know her husband is having an affair whilst she does all this?

What does she do when he next comes up to her and goes to kiss her? Or when he next initiates sex?

Just go along with it?

Surely a woman can’t act as though
nothing has changed for weeks/months and act completely normal with her partner?

He's gone to stay at his brothers. Instead of showing any remorse he's just doubling down and getting defensive and making ridiculous claims about him getting the house, he will fight for full custody and not going down without a fight. I just calmly said that my interest is in an arrangement that works best for the children but if he wants to use them as a weapon it'll be his loss in the long run. He didn't deny a thing, just got vicious.

I am sorry to hear this op.

@furbys you know the Script!

He is an awful man and I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but it's for the best.

Silly man, thinking he'll get full custody and the house because he says so.

Because he wanted to keep his family but have his fun on the side.

You deserve so much better which I know you know!

Good for you for standing firm and staying calm in the face of his histrionics. Are you relieved he is gone?
Virtual hug

Are you married OP? I think you are but thought I'd ask again.

He won't get full custody. He won't get the house either...

I am truly sorry but you are worth so much more. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Aww, honey. You really need to tell him what you read!! You have no other options!!. Forget all the "ducks in a row"shit. You need to have a big people conversation about this. You both have 2 dc to consider. (albeit, he is jeopardising this family life)
Do not ignore, you have your own self worth to consider!!

He is a cornered rat now, lashing out.. Any more of his full custody talk, say yes, great, wow all the freedom I will have!

They never mean it.

For advice xx

Home | Gingerbread

Vile man.

Don't let him scaremonger you. Keep your cool head, and get legal advice, you can get free 30min consultations, you can have at different practices until you find the best solicitor for you.

You'll be so much better off without this horrible man in your home. Don't you worry, you'll be absolutely fine.

She needs a decent qualified solicitor in her jurisdiction. She should also apply for child maintenance

It will get better OP.
He won’t get the house and DC. They always threaten this.
Get some good legal advice and take it one step at a time.

What an absolute arsehole he is.
💐

The baby knocked it into the sink??