Would your husband make you wait 90 minutes to leave NYE Gathering because he didn’t want to leave?

[Sallymorton81]

Bit annoyed today, we went for a meal to celebrate New Year’s Eve and then back to his uncles house for a party. I wanted to play it by ear but no because his friend already committed to going we had to show up for the friend. It got to 12.20 and I was so uncomfortable from dinner and exhausted (4th day drinking and socialising in a row)
i gave my husband the heads up I was looking to leave shortly. He kept asking me are you sure you want to go, oh I didn’t really want to leave yet, would you be annoyed if I dropped you home and came back? I told him I was feeling sick and not great. He said can I have one more drink and then got it anyway because I was too embarrased to say NO Infront of people. I really felt he took my kindness for weakness.

It was really awkward for me because you could tell I wanted to go for about 90 minutes I must of looked like I was fed up! It got to the point where 90 minutes later his friend asked him to go for a smoke and he said have I got time for a smoke and I lost my temper infront oc his family and said I’ve been waiting nearly 2 hours to leave. Then we left and had a blazing row on the way home. He said that I didn’t make it clear enough I wanted to leave and I never look serious? And he didn’t want to leave.
Am I in the wrong here?

No response to the drunk and drug driving questions?

I agree. But this was New Year’s Eve. So your partner would have left you on New Year’s Eve alone, to go partying and you would have been happy to spend it alone? That’s fine if that’s something you would be happy with, but respectively, no two person are the same.

I expect consideration in a marriage, likewise is my husband was feeling unwell it would be a shame but I 100% would have left with him and put him first. We are a team.

A drink and drug driving team. Fantastic match!!

But you weren't considerate either. Maybe that one poster who agreed with you only took around 100 posts for it to happen---- is right and you're not compatible.

Yes. Thank you. My mum would not of stayed out partying without my dad if they WENT to a party TOGETHER, NYE or not. Also my dad would not of stayed without my mother. They would have left together, at a time they both felt was fair (eg not straight away, but not taking the pee) Maybe everyone’s been brought up differently.

You had been together all evening. Midnight had hit. You were ‘exhausted’ and didn’t feel well. He wasn’t leaving you alone.

Surely you were going home to sleep?

Do you expect him to not do anything when you are feeling uncomfortable from a meal usually?

Yes, and similarly if he felt ill and I still wanted to go out, I’d go out. If you have these silly rules for yourself then you’re going to find yourself in situations like the ones you describe aren’t you.

Yes. Thank you. My mum would not of stayed out partying without my dad if they WENT to a party TOGETHER, NYE or not. Also my dad would not of stayed without my mother. They would have left together, at a time they both felt was fair (eg not straight away, but not taking the pee) Maybe everyone’s been brought up differently

Yeah, many of us weren’t brought up by people who thought it was ok to get behind the wheel of a car when drunk and high.

I am the least cool wife out there but I genuinely wouldn’t have a problem with saying, I don’t feel well and I am not that fussed on going anyway so you go on ahead and if he asked how to explain my absence I would say he could just tell people I was sick??

Did you play up how sick you were feeling to try to get him to say oh darling if youre sick I will stay home to look after you? I see this often in women who don’t have caring partners - they try to manipulate situations to “force” their partners to prioritise them, and it never works.

But if I was unwell and my DH was invited to a party with his friends and his family, I would WANT him to go alone as why would I want him to sit at home with me when I was feeling unwell? I think it'd be selfish of me to think he should stay at home. And it'd be exactly the same vice versa.

Your parents bought you up to be ok with drink driving though eh op?

Yeah, if either one of us was reluctant to go out we'd still encourage the other to have a night out. I simply wouldn't have left if I didn't feel up for it. I'd think differently of my dh if he couldn't manage to go to a party on his own.

Marriages really did used to be more about being a unit, not doing something if the other person didn't want to. Now marriages only work if both people happen to want to be doing the same thing. Of course that is a bit of a generalization but it's right in principle. You used to make more of a conscious choice in your day to day activities and how it would affect the other person. I'm probably not explaining this too well...it was kind of like a lifestyle choice. If you wanted to do your own thing you would be single.

I genuinely wouldn’t have a problem with saying, I don’t feel well and I am not that fussed on going anyway so you go on ahead and if he asked how to explain my absence I would say he could just tell people I was sick??

This.
I had some sort of bug that kept me in for a fortnight in the run up to Christmas. I had to miss loads of things (some Christmas events and also two big birthday events), but I wouldn't have expected dh to miss them because I was ill. Why would you do that ? He went to the things without me and we let people now I was ill. Same as I would go without him if he were ill.

But, like everyone else, this is a nonsense tiff in comparison with the driving under the influence.

Still nothing to say about your husband drink driving and drug driving @Sallymorton81 ? Or are you only responding to the 2 posts that support you/agree with you?

You weren't that ill - you were well enough to go out and eat dinner

Drink drivers are cunts. So are stoned drivers.

Yeah marriages wheee you both approve of drink and drug driving are the fools standard of marriages.

A really Solid unit. It’s important to be aligned like that.

But people who don’t insist their partner can’t stay at a party are when one’s that should remain single.

The ones who don’t need another adult to stay home, because they are tired and have a tummy ache and ok with driving under the influence have the really solid relationships. That’s why op and her husband are so blissfully happy and solid…oh wait!

Drink drivers are cunts. So are stoned drivers.

Yes. But she's ignoring everyone asking this. She's already made it clear he was drinking.

Yep they are the absolute worst types of self centred scum. Their own immediate convenience is fully worth the risk of potentially killing another human being. A car is essentially a lethal weapon and needs to be handled as such.

Why do you need looking after? Are you a child? No you are an adult who is feeling unwell from 4 days of drinking. You don't need an adult to be there to look after you especially when its nye.

You should of gone home before he went round to his friends and family, he could of dropped you off if you had been firm and said thats what you wanted and that you wanted him to go on and have a good night.

And if you didn't want to be alone then you should of known you had 4 ot 5 days of socialising coming u paid to pack yourself so you could enjoy all the days.

I would never expect my partner to have to stay at home to look after me unless I was seriously ill as in cannot get out of bed ill. Otherwise I am a mature adult who can look after themselves. I also would never embarrass my partner like you had and the moment he offered to drop me off I would of taken it and insisted he go back after he dropped me off.

What do you mean 'let you', he can't tell you where to be or how you feel, you tell him. Most wives would have said 'Sorry DH, I am unwell and not up to going out tonight. You go, have fun and I'll see you tomorrow.' End of discussion.

Who gives a fuck if he has to 'explain' why you were not there, 'Sally is ill' was all that was required. No one would have said a thing.

This is one of them you hope is made up.

Of all the things to be having a tantrum about, I'm not sure it would be ignoring you

I'd be far more worried about getting in a car with someone stoned and drunk personally.

My OH wouldn’t expect me to party when I’m ill. I simply wouldn’t have gone out & as we’re grown ups with the ability to communicate, we would have talked about whether he still wanted to go and whether I’d be bothered. I wouldn’t. NYE is best spent on the sofa anyway!

My OH also wouldn’t drink drive or let me get in a car with a drunk driver.

Op also never clarified whether being "unwell" meant actually having a virus. It sounds a lot like she was extremely hungover from drinking (and probably driving) for four days in a row.