Would your husband make you wait 90 minutes to leave NYE Gathering because he didn’t want to leave?

[Sallymorton81]

Bit annoyed today, we went for a meal to celebrate New Year’s Eve and then back to his uncles house for a party. I wanted to play it by ear but no because his friend already committed to going we had to show up for the friend. It got to 12.20 and I was so uncomfortable from dinner and exhausted (4th day drinking and socialising in a row)
i gave my husband the heads up I was looking to leave shortly. He kept asking me are you sure you want to go, oh I didn’t really want to leave yet, would you be annoyed if I dropped you home and came back? I told him I was feeling sick and not great. He said can I have one more drink and then got it anyway because I was too embarrased to say NO Infront of people. I really felt he took my kindness for weakness.

It was really awkward for me because you could tell I wanted to go for about 90 minutes I must of looked like I was fed up! It got to the point where 90 minutes later his friend asked him to go for a smoke and he said have I got time for a smoke and I lost my temper infront oc his family and said I’ve been waiting nearly 2 hours to leave. Then we left and had a blazing row on the way home. He said that I didn’t make it clear enough I wanted to leave and I never look serious? And he didn’t want to leave.
Am I in the wrong here?

You are married, not conjoined twins. I would have no problem with my DH leaving a party earlier or later than me.

Drinking and drug driving. Classy man you've got there.

My DH and I have a different approach to socialising and parties. He likes to have a few drinks and a good chat; I like to show my face, but don’t like getting pissed and am generally ready to go after 2 or 3 hours. He sometimes decides to call it a night and come back with me, but if not, I head home and leave him to it. In your shoes, I’d have accepted the lift home (unless he’d been drinking!) and wouldn’t mind at all him going back to the party.

@Sallymorton81

Nope sorry I say going for a smoke and I've never smoked weed in my life.

I smoke roll ups.

Your annoyed that not everyone agrees with you because everyone are individuals so just because your married doesn't mean you have to think and do the same things as each other.

If it was me I would have either said I'm not going at all or knowing I'm not feeling that great I'd be the driver so I can leave when I want to.

There's really no issue there then.

I agree I wouldn't want someone driving me if they've smoked a joint but you didn't make that clear in your first post,you dropped it in a few posts down.

Anyway it's a new year and new start so maybe you can promise yourself your going to be more firm with what you want I.e you said you didn't really want to go so I would have stood my ground and secondly when he said about dropping you home you should have said yes and not felt awkward with his family and friends making comments.

Unfortunately because your unhappy to be there youve then lost your temper in front of people which is embarrassing for both of you.

Learn to make your wants important op

I don't understand why you didn't make yourself the designated driver and not drink if you weren't feeling it and let him drink? That way you could have had dinner then left when you wanted and he could have stayed over at his uncles. He sounds like the one more up a night out so how did he become the designated driver?

I think it’s fine that he wanted to stay out. Driving while under the influence of drugs is not okay though.

this op. Did he smoke a joint then drive? Since you had been drinking for four nights including this.

so he had no alcohol but instead cannabis? Is drug driving a lot better than drink driving?

you waited an hour and 20 mins. Id have been irritated by that but it sounds like actually you were trying not to go at all.

I think the bottom line is that your DP can’t understand things unless it’s spelled out to him.
Next time be blunt.
And if he is unhappy about it, remind him that the previous time, he said you weren’t clear enough so now you are.

What? 🤣

This!

So he was drug driving?? I wouldn’t go anywhere with him tbh.

We he drinking and driving??

If I was in your shoes, had already been out socialising / drinking for a few days and wasn’t really feeling like going out to a party, but was going along for politeness - I would have suggested I drive and stay sober so I could leave when I wanted. Then it would be up to my DH to leave with me and get a lift, or stay later and make his own way home, or stay over.

What @Rainyblue said. This doesn’t ring true.

Having read all the little drip drips through the thread, you are saying you didn't feel great during the day. So why not
a) not go in the first place
b) go to the meal, then you could have not gone on to the party.

He also offered to take you home when you asked, at 12.20, but you declined.

However, like others, the idea of someone drinking under the influence of drugs (potentially and alcohol ? OP hasn't clarified what she means by "a drink") is much more of an issue than a disagreement over the time you leave a party.

This, if you were fed up with drinking for days in a row, why didn't you drive and stay sober then leave when you wanted?
Were you unwilling to let him stay out with out you?

Yes, it's a bit annoying. But doesn't sound like anything major. He was having a good time. You weren't. You wanted to leave. He didn't.

There was a compromise in there that you both missed. You could have been dropped off sooner, he could have picked up on the cue and left a bit sooner.

Not sure why this is such an issue you're talking about him not respecting you etc etc.

Fair enough to have a bit of a tiff about it in the car on the way home but really, anything more is making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill type behaviour.

Op - am I in the wrong?

95% of replies - yes

Op - I don't think I am.

Pointless post.

YABU. It was a NYE party!

Also, are you going to answer the question @Sallymorton81 Was your husband intending to drink and drive AND drug-drive?! You both sound hard work tbh.

💯

12.20 at Nye??? That's very early. I would be rather annoyed if my oh wanted to leave just after the champagne. What a party pooper!

The conjoined twins part made me laugh way more then it should have. Maybe I'm still drunk 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It sounds like you didn't want to go in the first place and then wanted to leave as soon after midnight as you could. You could have taken him up on his offer to drop you off - his friends were probably right - once he had gone you would have made sure he didn't return. It was NewYear's eve - why not make the effort to stay or let him drop you off and go back?

You should have had some gumption and not gone with him in the first place.

I'd be pissed off with someone tapping their foot waiting to leave a party I wanted to stay at.

Absolutely this. Especially when he offered to drop the OP home and go back.