Would your husband make you wait 90 minutes to leave NYE Gathering because he didn’t want to leave?

[Sallymorton81]

Bit annoyed today, we went for a meal to celebrate New Year’s Eve and then back to his uncles house for a party. I wanted to play it by ear but no because his friend already committed to going we had to show up for the friend. It got to 12.20 and I was so uncomfortable from dinner and exhausted (4th day drinking and socialising in a row)
i gave my husband the heads up I was looking to leave shortly. He kept asking me are you sure you want to go, oh I didn’t really want to leave yet, would you be annoyed if I dropped you home and came back? I told him I was feeling sick and not great. He said can I have one more drink and then got it anyway because I was too embarrased to say NO Infront of people. I really felt he took my kindness for weakness.

It was really awkward for me because you could tell I wanted to go for about 90 minutes I must of looked like I was fed up! It got to the point where 90 minutes later his friend asked him to go for a smoke and he said have I got time for a smoke and I lost my temper infront oc his family and said I’ve been waiting nearly 2 hours to leave. Then we left and had a blazing row on the way home. He said that I didn’t make it clear enough I wanted to leave and I never look serious? And he didn’t want to leave.
Am I in the wrong here?

What a miserable marriage

Exactly this. He offered to drop you home, you declined, then moaned because he didn't want to leave a party, where he was presumably enjoying himself, just because you did. Why does what you want trump what he wants?

Several times you’ve rounded up your 1hr20 delay up to 2 hours - do you often exaggerate like that? In addition to sitting with a face in you I can see why you didn’t get a lot of sympathy

I don’t think he would have let me Spend New Year’s Eve unwell home alone. I’m sure most wives wouldn’t want to do this though, surely? He also said he didn’t want to have to explain where I was to everyone.

Look, OP MN seems to be nuts on the subject of parties and NYE—just like they are on the subject of men’s hobbies and lads evenings. So when a poster tries to stay home, or is perceived to be spoiling his fun, then she will be attacked and found fault with.

Your expectation would have been mine. Im part if s couple and if I told my partner I didn’t want to go—or he told me—I wouldn’t expect to be pressured to go. If i went to a party and felt sick my dh would bring me home instantly, or I him.

Of course we are grown ups do we don’t get giddy at the thought of a party, a drink, or a joint.

I've stayed home plenty of times on NYE when DH has wanted to go out.

Couldn't you have found a way home separately?

Was he drink driving?

Sounds like you should’ve taken 2 cars.
You are both grown ups you can both do what you like ? One stays over, one goes home? sounds like it means something deeper to you though

LOL yes I have found that out the hard way. I hope these people writing the comments are the same ones that wouldn’t say a word when there husband continued to party until 4am in the morning and they was home alone, and that they would also be happy to sit in New Year’s Eve alone whilst there husband went out partying. I hope they take their own advice! Thanks for your answer - I appreciate it and like you I have expectations/wants/needs in my marriage, as does my husband with me. Happy new year.

Working on the assumption that he’d been drinking and doing weed because you’ve studiously avoided the question so far then yes, you were unreasonable to want him to leave and drive you home. He should have stayed at the house overnight until he was fit to drive today when he’d tested clear.

Presumably you hadn’t been drinking or taking drugs because you would have had the conversation about who was going to be the sober and clean driver, so you could have driven yourself home.

There are also a lot of cool wifes around @Sallymorton81

Same with my mum and dad. I have been in a similar situation so I do sympathize.

I see you have found your favourite answer, the one that ignores that most people wouldn't have gone, or would have drove so that they could leave at their own convenience.

I don’t know about anyone else but yes, if my partner wanted to go out partying and I didn’t, of course I’d be happy to stay in on my own…we’ve done that many times where one of us goes out when the other doesn’t want to. As a pp said we’re not conjoined twins

You should have left and got home yourself. Why stop him having fun

so you only wanted answers that agreed you were right and your DH was wrong?

lolz

You should have said "i don't want to go" and then told him to go and have fun while you got an early night.

It’s exactly the kind of thing my XH used to do. Just one of the many ways we were not compatible and he was not considerate.

What do you mean by "unwell" that same morning? Were you sick because of a hangover? If you were generally feeling ill the entire day due to a virus but still decided to go to a party then it sounds pretty irresponsible.

OP you need to consider you might have serious alcohol issues if you actually get drunk to the point of being unwell the whole day 4 days in a row before NYE. Even contemplating drink and drug driving is absolutely unacceptable for the vast majority of the population yet you dropped it in here like people were supposed to accept it just happens sometimes.

Hope you get some help in 2024.

I have already explained that I wanted to stay home and he wouldn’t go without me. I am not insured on his car and therefore could not drive home. I did not have the option to drive my own car.

Thank you. I think my main question was about being considerate. I expect consideration in a marriage, likewise is my husband was feeling unwell it would be a shame but I 100% would have left with him and put him first. We are a team.

Have we established whether he was smoking weed and drinking alcohol?

Op is not going to answer was her DH drink driving and wanting to drug drive too despite every second poster asking.

Can only assume that A. He was and B. She has no issue with it. Just so long as he leaves the party with her.

Well that's his choice, you say, "I don't want to go". And then he makes his choice. Like grown ups.

So much wrong with this post.

You don’t kind him smoking a joint or driving after smoking a joint.

But think he must leave a party when you do. Because as a grown adult, you don’t feel well And think he should leave you on your own on new year. But also considered new year over because it was after midnight.

MN isn’t massive on NYE. Omega of posters did naff all last night and never do. But that doesn’t mean we recognise it’s a big party night for a lot of people. I stayed in and was asleep by 11pm. I was the last few episodes of the crowns. No wild nights out for me. But I do know other people enjoy it.

You wanted To come home. He didn’t. He even offered to take you but then you said ‘but I am not well’ which you know was you telling him you wanted him to leave and not go back.

He was as making excuses because you were pushing for him to leave and he didn’t want to. If you had gone home and he fell out with you because you made him leave early would that be ok? No it wouldn’t.

So why is it ok for you to carry on in front of people when you didn’t get your own way?