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Original poster

Would your husband make you wait 90 minutes to leave NYE Gathering because he didn’t want to leave?

185 replies

Sallymorton81 · 01/01/2024 20:12

Bit annoyed today, we went for a meal to celebrate New Year’s Eve and then back to his uncles house for a party. I wanted to play it by ear but no because his friend already committed to going we had to show up for the friend. It got to 12.20 and I was so uncomfortable from dinner and exhausted (4th day drinking and socialising in a row)
i gave my husband the heads up I was looking to leave shortly. He kept asking me are you sure you want to go, oh I didn’t really want to leave yet, would you be annoyed if I dropped you home and came back? I told him I was feeling sick and not great. He said can I have one more drink and then got it anyway because I was too embarrased to say NO Infront of people. I really felt he took my kindness for weakness.

It was really awkward for me because you could tell I wanted to go for about 90 minutes I must of looked like I was fed up! It got to the point where 90 minutes later his friend asked him to go for a smoke and he said have I got time for a smoke and I lost my temper infront oc his family and said I’ve been waiting nearly 2 hours to leave. Then we left and had a blazing row on the way home. He said that I didn’t make it clear enough I wanted to leave and I never look serious? And he didn’t want to leave.
Am I in the wrong here?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sallymorton81 · 01/01/2024 20:25

dothehokeycokey · 01/01/2024 20:24

You should have taken the offer of a lift and you could have jumped out and he gone back.

You said it's fine youl wait so he took that as you were fine to wait,as that's what you said,and if you said it and didn't mean it (clearly)that's on you.

To sit there with a face on and moody is down to you

If it was the other way round what would you have done?

I wouldn't have expected my dh to leave with me earlier if he was having a good time with his mates and family and neither would he expect me to

I didn’t say it’s fine I’ll wait? I asked if we could leave soon as I wasn’t feeling to well. By soon I’d mean within the hour I feel is reasonable and perfectly fair as it’s nearly 1am.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 01/01/2024 20:26

Sallymorton81 · 01/01/2024 20:21

No taxis unfortunately. I had been being unwell that morning but he wanted me to go with him. I don’t know growing up I would never imagine my dad not leaving with my mum at a party but I guess everyone is different.

Show quote history

perhaps you need to get better at saying "i don't feel well, go without me" (without making it clear that you want him to stay with you)

YaWeeFurryBastard · 01/01/2024 20:28

“One more drink”? I sincerely hope that they were non-alcoholic drinks.

dothehokeycokey · 01/01/2024 20:29

@Sallymorton81

Your still in the wrong though op,because you shouldn't have been embarrassed to say pls drop me home etc you should have taken the offer.

And it doesn't matter if it was 1 am or 2 am as in you might think that's late but he might not.

And losing your temper in front of his family and friends is really not great is it?

No wonder he was pissed off. He must have been really embarrassed

Loveablockheel · 01/01/2024 20:30

I suspect the friend wasn’t actually saying the husband wasn’t allowed to come back, far more likely he said the husband wouldn’t come back once he left which is probably what would have happened due to the wife having a face on her and losing her temper in front of everyone. I feel sorry for your husband he must have felt really embarrassed by your behaviour.

Desecratedcoconut · 01/01/2024 20:30

Maybe next time you could be the non-drinker and drive? You could have gone home and he could have seen in the new year with his friends and family and stayed over.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/01/2024 20:31

The solution going forward is to drive separately to things if there's no taxis available (not that I've ever heard if that) amd it's likely you'll want to come home at different times.

This is one of the major reasons I like being single tbh. Just the freedom to do exactly what you want without having to compromise what someone else wants. That goes for both of you. You wanted different things.

Original poster
Sallymorton81 · 01/01/2024 20:31

dothehokeycokey · 01/01/2024 20:29

@Sallymorton81

Your still in the wrong though op,because you shouldn't have been embarrassed to say pls drop me home etc you should have taken the offer.

And it doesn't matter if it was 1 am or 2 am as in you might think that's late but he might not.

And losing your temper in front of his family and friends is really not great is it?

No wonder he was pissed off. He must have been really embarrassed

Yes I mean when someone asks to smoke a joint at 1am in the morning and you’ve already been waiting patiently nearly 2 hours to leave of course I am going to say NO I want to leave I’ve been waiting 2 hours. I actually think he respected that more. I just don’t like situations having to get to that point, there should be enough respect there to respect what each person wants. I stayed an extra 90 minutes and he shouldn’t keep taking the piss. IMO.

OP posts:
Wowzel · 01/01/2024 20:32

My DH would definitely have stayed out, and i would have made my own way home.

MistyBean · 01/01/2024 20:32

I'm not sure it's entirely clear from your messages what happened. If he was sober and driving why not ask him to take you home as soon as you were not feeling it, and let him go back? What has that got to do with anyone else? If you weren't sure from the outset could you have driven yourself and then left early, and he could have crashed over? It was Nye and id be pretty annoyed at having to leave early tbh.

Caravaggiouch · 01/01/2024 20:33

We’d just have gone home separately in that circumstance, doesn’t seem worth making a big deal over.

dothehokeycokey · 01/01/2024 20:33

@Sallymorton81

But he wasn't taking the piss op

You could have said no you don't want to go full stop couldn't you if you weren't well

And in your post you said he wanted to go for a cigarette NOT a joint.

Two different things

Loveablockheel · 01/01/2024 20:34

So by your last post you actually wanted to leave at 11.00? You are completely unreasonable. I bet your ears are burning this morning.

EmmaEmerald · 01/01/2024 20:34

AuntySueDoesntGiveAShit · 01/01/2024 20:23

You both sound like wet lettuces . You should have accepted his offer to drop you home and he should have ignored his friend telling him what to do.

This.

NoKateMoss · 01/01/2024 20:35

Was he drinking alcohol or smoking joints?

If he offered to drop you and you declined then it's your bad luck? Were you actually unwell or just had enough of drinking and socialising (fair enough but no need for him to come home with you and look after you?).

gamerchick · 01/01/2024 20:35

Wowzel · 01/01/2024 20:32

My DH would definitely have stayed out, and i would have made my own way home.

Yup. Husband usually leaves me behind when he's had enough and I haven't. It's not a big deal.

Original poster
Sallymorton81 · 01/01/2024 20:35

Loveablockheel · 01/01/2024 20:34

So by your last post you actually wanted to leave at 11.00? You are completely unreasonable. I bet your ears are burning this morning.

Asked to leave at 12.20 (people had started to leave). Ended up leaving around 1.45am

OP posts:
blackpanth · 01/01/2024 20:35

dothehokeycokey · 01/01/2024 20:33

@Sallymorton81

But he wasn't taking the piss op

You could have said no you don't want to go full stop couldn't you if you weren't well

And in your post you said he wanted to go for a cigarette NOT a joint.

Two different things

When someone says they want to go for a smoke they mean joint

girljulian · 01/01/2024 20:36

Well he offered to drop you home? Why didn’t you say yes to that?

RisingSunn · 01/01/2024 20:37

It was NYE so I think you are being unreasonable.

Rainyblue · 01/01/2024 20:37

It was a NYE party - surely you knew it might be a late one?

If my DH really wanted to stay later at a party, and I was tired and wanted to go - I would just go home, make sure he had his keys, and ask him to come in quietly.

Why did you have to leave together?
What is the issue with him being there without you, or is there a back story to this?

Isometimeswonder · 01/01/2024 20:37

So he had a joint then drove?

Desecratedcoconut · 01/01/2024 20:38

Sallymorton81 · 01/01/2024 20:35

Asked to leave at 12.20 (people had started to leave). Ended up leaving around 1.45am

Show quote history

Who goes to a nye party though and fucks off the moment the fireworks have finished. Of course he wanted to stay and be sociable after that. If you were feeling fragile at the outset why didn't you stay sober and drive?

RowanMayfair · 01/01/2024 20:38

Was he drinking and smoking weed before driving you home or just smoking weed?
I don't believe he was up partying til 2am on soft drinks and spliffs...

TedMullins · 01/01/2024 20:39

If you already weren’t feeling well why didn’t you not drink, and drive, then you could’ve gone home whenever you wanted and left him there to carry on. I’m unclear on how he could’ve dropped you off (presumably driving) when he was drinking and smoking joints but you should’ve taken him up on that or pre-booked yourself a taxi earlier in the day. You were being silly and annoying and leaving at different times/separately is perfectly normal and fine.