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Original poster

Sex with new husband - is this common?

142 replies

Appelea · 31/12/2023 12:54

Hello. I had a question I was hoping to get some perspective on. I haven't been married to my husband for too long. I was quite sexually inexperienced when we married.

I don't climax when we have sex. When he is ready, he enters me for about 2 seconds before he finishes. Before that, there is not really any touching on his part.

Is this common? I find it all quite disappointing.

Sorry if this is too much info for this thread .

OP posts:
zurala · 31/12/2023 12:56

Hi, no this isn't normal at all, I'm sorry. Is he inexperienced too? Could you talk to him about kissing, foreplay, stimulating you etc? Do you think he's doing this because he's inexperienced or that he doesn't care about your pleasure?

DixonD · 31/12/2023 13:03

Definitely not normal but there is probably a harmless explanation - for instance; he’s inexperienced or nervous or just doesn’t have a clue.

pinoco · 31/12/2023 13:05

No, not normal. It is however normal for a woman not to climax from penetrative sex (although some do) but he should be making sure you are satisfied too and there should be some foreplay, touching and kissing.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/12/2023 13:07

There is absolutely nothing normal about this. Does he really not understand what sex is?

I am very worried about your future happiness.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2023 13:07

What is actually happening before he enters you op, as he isn't touching you? Is the whole thing lasting 2 seconds?

Stressfordays · 31/12/2023 13:09

No, it's not normal. Most women can't climax through sex though.

KitsyWitsy · 31/12/2023 13:10

There’s no way he can be completely unaware that this isn’t acceptable.

Sexual chemistry is so important. If I am with someone and they don’t make an effort in bed with me then I move on quickly. I would never, ever marry someone I didn’t know what they were like in bed.

TheSpruce · 31/12/2023 13:15

🤔

MistyGreenAndBlue · 31/12/2023 13:21

Yes yes perfectly normal - in Victorian times!
He sounds hopeless and utterly selfish. It's not possible that he doesn't know better than this. And I'm struggling to believe you don't either in this day and age.

A copy of The Joy of Sex and the Karma Sutra to start you off then?

You can't be putting up with this.

LonelynSad · 31/12/2023 13:23

I hate to be the one to say this but why on earth did you marry someone who's like this in bed!? He sounds selfish & incredibly inexperienced

Ladolcevita233 · 31/12/2023 13:23

It's normal for a lot of women not to climax from penetrative sex.

No foreplay, no effort to help woman to climax through some means, and two seconds of penetrative sex is not normal.

Ladolcevita233 · 31/12/2023 13:25

Before that, there is not really any touching on his part

This is really weird.

JL690 · 31/12/2023 13:29

I would be frustrated with that. What does he do to get himself ready for the 2 seconds before he finishes?😬

Whatdoido1987 · 31/12/2023 13:33

Is he worried he will finish before anything if there's too much touching before the sex? He does sound very inexperienced...tell him you want to have lots of kissing and touching before he just sticks it in and finishes

Devilsmommy · 31/12/2023 13:33

Premature ejaculation. Is be getting him to go GP and get it checked out. You're in for a boring sex life otherwise

GrumpyPanda · 31/12/2023 13:35

Tell him it's ladies first from now on.

Original poster
Appelea · 31/12/2023 13:35

JL690 · 31/12/2023 13:29

I would be frustrated with that. What does he do to get himself ready for the 2 seconds before he finishes?😬

We do kiss. And he rubs against me for a while before entering for a couple of seconds.

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 31/12/2023 13:36

Is he also very inexperienced? Sounds like he is. Either that or just very selfish. Or he could need to see a GP about premature ejaculation. How is he generally? Are you both quite affectionate with cuddling and kissing etc whilst not having sex? How often are you having sex? My partner can orgasm quite quickly if we’ve not had sex for a while, but can last forever when we’re more energised and at it regularly!
I did once date a guy who was like this - finished within a minute like every time. That relationship didn’t last long.

But anyway, not normal at all and you should definitely try to talk to him about it (gently if he is inexperienced and shy about it, not so gently if he’s just selfish!). Explore some exciting ways to prolong the whole experience with foreplay and ways to get you to orgasm too. I have a hard time reaching orgasm, but we both always still make sure that I do through use of fingers and toys (as well as penetration).

Hope it improves soon OP.

SuitYouSir · 31/12/2023 13:36

Could you start by showing him how you make yourself climax, get him to help, go from there.

xyz111 · 31/12/2023 13:36

When he's ready? What does that mean? What happened beforehand?

Epidote · 31/12/2023 13:37

I don't know if it is normal but definitely not the way I do it.

Original poster
Appelea · 31/12/2023 13:41

xyz111 · 31/12/2023 13:36

When he's ready? What does that mean? What happened beforehand?

I meant when he is sufficiently hard....

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2023 13:45

That neither of you know what you're doing is fine. It would have been the first time at sone point for each one of us here.

So, all you do is explore together and find out what you both like.

Pigeonqueen · 31/12/2023 13:47

If you’re both new to things then that’s okay, you just need to talk about what you want and what you do and don’t like. That’s how you build intimacy and a better sex life.

olderbutwiser · 31/12/2023 13:50

Did you have no sexual contact before you married? I’m struggling to understand - do you have a strong religious background, or is pre-marital contact restricted in your culture?