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Original poster

Sex with new husband - is this common?

142 replies

Appelea · 31/12/2023 12:54

Hello. I had a question I was hoping to get some perspective on. I haven't been married to my husband for too long. I was quite sexually inexperienced when we married.

I don't climax when we have sex. When he is ready, he enters me for about 2 seconds before he finishes. Before that, there is not really any touching on his part.

Is this common? I find it all quite disappointing.

Sorry if this is too much info for this thread .

OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 31/12/2023 13:53

This sounds very 1950s. No this is not normal. I'm also very surprised that you don't seem to know this. Have you never read about sex, watched sex scenes on tv, talked about sex with other people? That would give you an idea about what is and isn't normal in a healthy sex life.

RowanMayfair · 31/12/2023 13:54

No, that's not good sex. He should be focusing on your pleasure before he enters you. He also should work on techniques to last longer. Can you discuss it with him?

colourfulchinadolls · 31/12/2023 14:03

And this is why you should always try before you buy 😂

Lucytheloose · 31/12/2023 14:05

Your husband should not be entering you until you are ready, that is to say when you are sexually excited and your vagina is moist. If you are not getting to that stage, more foreplay is required-but you need to tell him what you want, he won't automatically know.

Hocuspocusnonsense · 31/12/2023 14:45

No not normal. Does he have erectile dysfunction? That would explain him climaxing within seconds. Alternatively does he ask you to touch him to the point of him almost climbing and then just ‘finishes’ inside you?

harerunner · 31/12/2023 14:47

I'm guessing you are both religious and didn't have sex before marriage.

Otherwise you'd have known this before marriage and the title of your thread would have been different!

Are you ready for him to enter you when he does? Assuming you're being literal with the 2 seconds, well, that's a bad case of premature ejaculation... It generally takes quite a bit longer than that even to "fully enter" in the first place (I mean 5-10 seconds, occasionally a bit longer if we're not quite in a perfectly aligned- not ages)!

harerunner · 31/12/2023 14:52

Lucytheloose · 31/12/2023 14:05

Your husband should not be entering you until you are ready, that is to say when you are sexually excited and your vagina is moist. If you are not getting to that stage, more foreplay is required-but you need to tell him what you want, he won't automatically know.

Unless he's very inexperienced, he should automatically know!

If she's not ready he'd have to push hard to get it in causing her discomfort or even pain, rather than it gliding in. A man who is even half competent at sex would be able to feel the difference.

harerunner · 31/12/2023 14:53

Hocuspocusnonsense · 31/12/2023 14:45

No not normal. Does he have erectile dysfunction? That would explain him climaxing within seconds. Alternatively does he ask you to touch him to the point of him almost climbing and then just ‘finishes’ inside you?

Isn't PE effectively the opposite of ED?

acpk55 · 31/12/2023 14:56

Hocuspocusnonsense · 31/12/2023 14:45

No not normal. Does he have erectile dysfunction? That would explain him climaxing within seconds. Alternatively does he ask you to touch him to the point of him almost climbing and then just ‘finishes’ inside you?

you mean PE not ED .

acpk55 · 31/12/2023 14:59

Unfortunately, You both sound very inexperienced as others say you be ready for it intercourse before penetration

as other say take a look at the joy of sex and read about foreplay

@Appelea have you had an prior sexual experience?

LinnieM · 31/12/2023 14:59

It sounds like communication is needed here. If he’s inexperienced and so are you then you’ll both need to talk to each other and figure out what you like etc.

Otherwise this will be hell for the time that you’re married

acpk55 · 31/12/2023 15:01

LonelynSad · 31/12/2023 13:23

I hate to be the one to say this but why on earth did you marry someone who's like this in bed!? He sounds selfish & incredibly inexperienced

I think both are inexperienced, not just the husband

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 31/12/2023 15:01

Did you marry before having sex?

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 31/12/2023 15:02

Stressfordays · 31/12/2023 13:09

No, it's not normal. Most women can't climax through sex though.

Who keeps in saying this?

It's not true

Doteycat · 31/12/2023 15:03

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 31/12/2023 15:02

Who keeps in saying this?

It's not true

Show quote history

It's such rubbish isn't it.

Custardslices · 31/12/2023 15:04

Have you asked him to do foreplay?

I really wouldn't lay there for 2 seconds allowing him pleasure only.

He needs to sort this out.

Hocuspocusnonsense · 31/12/2023 15:06

You’re both right I meant PE not ED!

HeadChog · 31/12/2023 15:10

So much (predictable) judgement from the anti-religion brigade. Loaded questions about whether you are religious / why didn't you "try before you buy" etc. None of anybody's business of course.
OP no this is not "normal" in that it isn't all you can expect from sex. My DH and I were each other's first sexual partner, and we waited until we were married. It took time, communication and love to work out how to please each other but it was only a few months of experimenting and we now have a really lovely and fulfilling sex life and have for many years (and we've never had to worry about STDs, unwanted babies or being left feeling used).
Talk to him, show him what you like and ask him to get you to climax before he "goes in". If you find talking difficult, wake him up by sitting on his face. 😋

BigFatLiar · 31/12/2023 15:13

If its over so quickly I doubt he's getting much pleasure. I think sex is something you need to practice together to get better. You need to talk to him about it, tell him what turns you on and find out what excites him. Try touching and cuddling without sex, just get used to each other. We didn't have full on sex till after we married but prior to that we spent a lot of time exploring each others bodies and finding out what we liked. Sex was fine but best was the intimacy we experienced just being together.

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 31/12/2023 15:15

The act of intercourse usually involves the man 'pumping' his penis - moving in and out of the woman's vagina, fast, slow or a mixture. It lasts from maybe one minute up to about ten. The woman needs to be 'ready' - that is, her vagina has produced lubricating fluid and has widened, her senses are heightened, and she's instinctively eager to take his penis inside her body.

Getting to that point is most of the fun. The pair of you should read, and enjoy, a book like Alex Comfort's 'The Joy Of Sex'. You can read it online for free, but it's best to get the physical book and read it together.

Wishing you both an enjoyable journey of discovery 🙂

harerunner · 31/12/2023 15:16

HeadChog · 31/12/2023 15:10

So much (predictable) judgement from the anti-religion brigade. Loaded questions about whether you are religious / why didn't you "try before you buy" etc. None of anybody's business of course.
OP no this is not "normal" in that it isn't all you can expect from sex. My DH and I were each other's first sexual partner, and we waited until we were married. It took time, communication and love to work out how to please each other but it was only a few months of experimenting and we now have a really lovely and fulfilling sex life and have for many years (and we've never had to worry about STDs, unwanted babies or being left feeling used).
Talk to him, show him what you like and ask him to get you to climax before he "goes in". If you find talking difficult, wake him up by sitting on his face. 😋

It's not judgment, it's stating a well reasoned opinion that if you have sex before you tie yourself together in marriage, you won't find out too late if you're sexually incompatible!

InAMess2023 · 31/12/2023 15:19

@Doteycat @SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth given that around 80% of women can't climax from vaginal sex alone I'd love to know why it's apparently such rubbish...

RainyDaysSundays · 31/12/2023 15:22

Did you post about this before, on similar lines?

It rings a bell.

RainyDaysSundays · 31/12/2023 15:23

Did you never have sex before you got married?

How many partners has he had- and you?

LaughingCat · 31/12/2023 15:23

Oh bless…it’s not that common anymore, now that there’s so much advice and guidance out there. Talk to him about it and say that you want to explore both of your bodies when you have sex. It really is the only way to find out what each other like. My DH and I have been together for 13 years and we’re still learning. Maybe, if you feel comfortable, you can talk to each other about any fantasies you might have or would like to try. And I can’t say enough that showing each other how you enjoy getting to orgasm yourself is a major lesson…everyone is different but you know yourself best. It’s like any coaching - do it yourself first to show them how it’s done then guide them to do it on you until they can do it themselves to you without needing any tips.

And penetration comes at the very end of all of that 😁