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Original poster

Sex with new husband - is this common?

142 replies

Appelea · 31/12/2023 12:54

Hello. I had a question I was hoping to get some perspective on. I haven't been married to my husband for too long. I was quite sexually inexperienced when we married.

I don't climax when we have sex. When he is ready, he enters me for about 2 seconds before he finishes. Before that, there is not really any touching on his part.

Is this common? I find it all quite disappointing.

Sorry if this is too much info for this thread .

OP posts:
ThisIsMyEden · 31/12/2023 15:25

@Appelea could we have some more information to understand the context for this? It would help with giving advice. I’m going to assume that you’re both sexually inexperienced and from a culture where pre-marital sex is not allowed, because otherwise it would be unusual for neither of you to know that what you’re describing isn’t how sex is meant to go. By that I mean having either had sexual experience already or having read about it, seen it on tv or a film, or discussed it with friends/family. Knowing a bit more about the cultural context would be helpful.

What you’re describing doesn’t sound satisfying for either of you, and there’s lots you can do together to improve the situation.

RainyDaysSundays · 31/12/2023 15:28

Was he a virgin before he married you?

Climaxing so quickly, before he's barely inside of you is called premature ejaculation.

It happens mainly to men who are over-excited, to put it simply, and so over-awed by the sensation and idea of sex that they can't stop ejaculating almost immediately. It happens to most young men/boys the first time they have sex but as they become more used to the sensations they get more control.

He must surely know this and be embarrassed?
Have you talked to HIM about it?

He has to learn to control his behaviour / orgasm.

But the other point is he's not doing anything for you.

ManateeFair · 31/12/2023 15:31

Were you both virgins when you got married? Are you from a religion/culture where sex isn’t discussed? Because it sounds like neither of you really know how this is meant to work.

JoanMacIntosh · 31/12/2023 15:31

Are you having sex with my ex husband by any chance?

Lovemusic82 · 31/12/2023 15:34

He’s either really selfish or he also had no experience before getting married? Maybe he thinks this is normal too?

Couples sex therapy might help, or maybe watching some porn together (old school style porn not the newer stuff)? Maybe he has no idea what he’s supposed to do?

MrsElsa · 31/12/2023 15:38

Well for starters he can jizz once, wait a bit and do a bit more sex, that will slow him down. Wanking the penis roughly will also de sensitize it, so do a bit of that before attempting intercourse again.

He should also be learning about your body and trying to give you pleasure, some men are immature idiots on this front and have to be coached though.

Wherearemybooks · 31/12/2023 15:41

Ladolcevita233 · 31/12/2023 13:25

Before that, there is not really any touching on his part

This is really weird.

I once had sex with a man like this.

I stopped seeing him after this.

LardoBurrows · 31/12/2023 15:45

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BIossomtoes · 31/12/2023 15:51

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That was really unnecessary and unkind.

Midnightgrey · 31/12/2023 15:51

OP, most men would feel really embarrassed about this sort of performance. I suppose the problem is that he doesn't seem to have improved or maybe even realised that most women wouldn't think 2 seconds of sex was satisfactory.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 31/12/2023 15:55

Do you know how to pleasure yourself? Do you know what turns you on and are you able to make yourself orgasm? If so you could guide his hand and help. How about oral sex-does he never go down on you?

JL690 · 31/12/2023 15:57

Appelea · 31/12/2023 13:35

We do kiss. And he rubs against me for a while before entering for a couple of seconds.

Show quote history

It sounds like you are both starting to explore sex together. Perhaps take the initiative by exploring his body, have a good feel around so to speak, and encourage him to explore yours before he tries to enter you. It hopefully won't take long until you both find new sensations etc. you enjoy and give each other mutual pleasure.

AuntySueDoesntGiveAShit · 31/12/2023 15:59

It's not normal, you need to let him know what you want.

thegruffalosmaw · 31/12/2023 15:59

did you not have sex before you married each other to learn / see if you were sexually compatible? Is it an arranged marriage as otherwise this has got to be a wind up surely?

InAMess2023 · 31/12/2023 16:00

and that response @LardoBurrows is exactly why people see MN as such a nest of vipers. Should be ashamed of yourself

pinkyredrose · 31/12/2023 16:02

Did you not have sex before you were married? Were you both virgin's when you met?

dannyufcfan · 31/12/2023 16:03

Jesus, lasts two seconds?! This guy makes me look like lover of the year.

Grendell · 31/12/2023 16:07

Hopefully, he's teachable.

Mmhmmn · 31/12/2023 16:11

Ah no. Even if someone’s inexperienced they should still have an imagination and a desire to pleasure their partner. Be straight point out that you don’t come from 2 seconds of penetration. Hopefully he’s clueless and not just selfish.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 31/12/2023 16:15

HeadChog · 31/12/2023 15:10

So much (predictable) judgement from the anti-religion brigade. Loaded questions about whether you are religious / why didn't you "try before you buy" etc. None of anybody's business of course.
OP no this is not "normal" in that it isn't all you can expect from sex. My DH and I were each other's first sexual partner, and we waited until we were married. It took time, communication and love to work out how to please each other but it was only a few months of experimenting and we now have a really lovely and fulfilling sex life and have for many years (and we've never had to worry about STDs, unwanted babies or being left feeling used).
Talk to him, show him what you like and ask him to get you to climax before he "goes in". If you find talking difficult, wake him up by sitting on his face. 😋

😆 🤣. That last bit really tickled

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 31/12/2023 16:18

JoanMacIntosh · 31/12/2023 15:31

Are you having sex with my ex husband by any chance?

😆 🤣 😂

BreatheAndFocus · 31/12/2023 16:38

The problem is him. He’s ejaculating far too early. Does he realise that? Choose a non-sex time and talk about it with him. I imagine he’s very inexperienced and has no idea what to do.

Faceache45 · 31/12/2023 16:40

I'd take sex off the table. I think you need to get used to each others bodies. Only foreplay and he's not allowed to orgasm before you.

2 second intercourse is a worry. He needs to see his GP. PE can be a sign of other medical issues. He could try Elma cream it's numbing cream it might help him last longer but id want to rule out other medical issues first.

HollyJollyHolidays · 31/12/2023 16:43

I think you know it’s not normal, inexperienced or not, we’ve all read books, magazines or watched tv surely?

oakleaffy · 31/12/2023 16:46

Stressfordays · 31/12/2023 13:09

No, it's not normal. Most women can't climax through sex though.

Penetrative sex surely?
Oral sex is still sex and works for many women.
@Appelea Nothing wrong on being sexually “ Inexperienced “
I was a virgin before meeting my husband- But what you are experiencing does sound unusual-

Maybe your husband was also a virgin
He sounds quite young as well to have premature ejaculation so early

That definitely could get frustrating.

Sexual incompatibility is no fun.