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Original poster

Sex with new husband - is this common?

142 replies

Appelea · 31/12/2023 12:54

Hello. I had a question I was hoping to get some perspective on. I haven't been married to my husband for too long. I was quite sexually inexperienced when we married.

I don't climax when we have sex. When he is ready, he enters me for about 2 seconds before he finishes. Before that, there is not really any touching on his part.

Is this common? I find it all quite disappointing.

Sorry if this is too much info for this thread .

OP posts:
JingleSnowmanTree · 31/12/2023 18:42

Another disappearing OP.

its going to be one of those New Years on here isn't it.

Do any of you remember the year a moderator (stressed to the moon & back) turned MN OFF?!?!

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 31/12/2023 18:45

Didn’t you post this the other week OP?

RainyDaysSundays · 31/12/2023 18:45

It can be a sign of thyroid or prostrate problems. It's worth investigating.

No, I don't think so. And a young man would be highly unusual to have prostate problems.

PE is purely a physical/emotional reaction when a man can't overcome his urge to climax.

DeeLusional · 31/12/2023 18:53

Stressfordays · 31/12/2023 13:09

No, it's not normal. Most women can't climax through sex though.

I think you mean, can't climax through penetration alone....

RainyDaysSundays · 31/12/2023 18:56

I don't climax when we have sex.

I'm not sure if you mean you can alone @Appelea , but not with him, or that you have never experienced an orgasm, anyway.

Posters are trying to help, but as we've said, a little more info would help to give some context.

If neither of you have no experience of sex until your wedding night, it's a big mountain to climb, but we need to know where you are starting from.

harerunner · 31/12/2023 18:57

I'd put money on this guy being from a religious background, that frowns on masturbation as well as sex before marriage.

To finish so incredibly quickly implies to me that he's not only overly stimulated by having sex, but that he's never got used to a feeling of being stimulated at all, or at least very rarely if he "sinned" and cracked one out before feeling guilty and refraining for weeks/months.

I know of someone who had a bf (now married!) who not only thought sex before marriage was a sin, but masturbation too... Anyway, his raging hormones broke his willpower and religious convictions, and he had sex... Apparently he also came very fast... but was it was like a dam had burst and he was able to cum a further nine times that night - pretty impressive even for a 20 year old who'd been starved of any sexual stimulation for his life up to that point.

She ended up more than satisfied, because his 1st two second cum was only the start!

mangochops · 31/12/2023 18:58

This reply has been deleted

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StarlightLady · 31/12/2023 18:59

acpk55 · 31/12/2023 18:19

Quite possibly the most stupid and crass comment on this thread,
it’s really common in lots of cultures, including this country until fairly recent times

Edited
Show quote history

Sometimes the truth hurts But the OP is a woman not a masturbating machine. My “stupid and crass comment” told it as it is. I was brought up in France and I’m in my 40s, and in my lifetime it has always been that way.

l assumed we were talking about the UK today, ie, recent times, not past times. Many cultures engage discretion rather than abstention.

I could have suggested oral for example, but the unfortunate OP needs to walk before she can run and Mr OP needs to learn that the primary female sex organ is the clitoris.

AuntySueDoesntGiveAShit · 31/12/2023 18:59

This reply has been deleted

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I thought the same

harerunner · 31/12/2023 18:59

A couple of tips...

Wearing a condom - dulls the sensation and should enable the experience to be prolonged

Him masturbating an hour or two beforehand... Hopefully it's not seen as sinful if the object of his lust while he cracks one out is the OP.

RainyDaysSundays · 31/12/2023 19:00

AuntySueDoesntGiveAShit · 31/12/2023 18:59

I thought the same

Show quote history

Report if suspicious. MN can check it out.

acpk55 · 31/12/2023 19:02

RainyDaysSundays · 31/12/2023 18:45

It can be a sign of thyroid or prostrate problems. It's worth investigating.

No, I don't think so. And a young man would be highly unusual to have prostate problems.

PE is purely a physical/emotional reaction when a man can't overcome his urge to climax.

tbf there is no mention of age by the poster

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 31/12/2023 19:03

Not climaxing through penetration is normal but he should be doing something to make you come

harerunner · 31/12/2023 19:03

TooOldForThisNonsense · 31/12/2023 18:21

Did you not have sex with him before you were married?

no, it’s not normal or common to have to put up with a shite sex life

I disagree... Sadly an awful lot of people do put up with a crap sex life, with a partner who orgasms pretty much instantly being only one of a myriad of causes of a crap sex life.

Helpmeout124 · 31/12/2023 19:13

I wouldn't say it's normal, also surely if just "puts it in when he's ready, what about you? Surely that's uncomfortable for you if you're not ready 🫤. I always go first not to be crude. Everytime. It's not fair for him to be satisfied and you not. I think you'll need to speak to him, it's an awkward conversation to have but you're married, and if you don't say anything he may never realise. Some men think that's all we need 😬

acpk55 · 31/12/2023 19:41

StarlightLady · 31/12/2023 18:59

Sometimes the truth hurts But the OP is a woman not a masturbating machine. My “stupid and crass comment” told it as it is. I was brought up in France and I’m in my 40s, and in my lifetime it has always been that way.

l assumed we were talking about the UK today, ie, recent times, not past times. Many cultures engage discretion rather than abstention.

I could have suggested oral for example, but the unfortunate OP needs to walk before she can run and Mr OP needs to learn that the primary female sex organ is the clitoris.

Show quote history

If you went back about 2 or 3 generations in the UK, sex before marriage would be quite unusual, so quite recent history

sex before marriage is strictly prohibited in the 2nd largest religion in the World about 2 bn people ( also the 2nd largest religion in France, so you should know this really)

so yeah, your comment was indeed crass and stupid as it would not be unreasonable to think that both the OP and her husband very virgins at marriage very limited sexual knowledge

catsanddogsandrabbits · 31/12/2023 19:41

Everyone starts somewhere. I was like this with my BF. We learned together... it was nice. Took time but was worth it.

RaisinRainbow · 31/12/2023 20:13

I would suggest getting help from a sex therapist as you both sound to be absolute beginners.

Your DH either doesn;t have a clue or is completely selfish. Either way I don't think you can get through this without professional support.

iamenough2023 · 31/12/2023 20:22

harerunner · 31/12/2023 14:53

Isn't PE effectively the opposite of ED?

Show quote history

My exh had both.

PurpleBugz · 31/12/2023 20:30

Unfortunately it is not unusual. But it's not acceptable imo.

Pay for OMGyes and look through that together/give him the log in.

Part of a good sex life is learning about what each other like. Not many men are amazing strait off the bat they need to learn your individual likes as all women are different

StarlightLady · 31/12/2023 20:35

acpk55 · 31/12/2023 19:41

If you went back about 2 or 3 generations in the UK, sex before marriage would be quite unusual, so quite recent history

sex before marriage is strictly prohibited in the 2nd largest religion in the World about 2 bn people ( also the 2nd largest religion in France, so you should know this really)

so yeah, your comment was indeed crass and stupid as it would not be unreasonable to think that both the OP and her husband very virgins at marriage very limited sexual knowledge

Show quote history

In historical terms marriage is a fairly modern institution. Mistresses were common in more modern times and pregnant brides were not uncommon, and not always by accident. Polygamy was often encouraged too.

In many cases in history in the UK, the landed gentry did not want their sons in wedlock until the woman was able to demonstrate her fertility. Therefore a blind eye was often turned to pre-marital romps. Even to the extent of ladders being left against daughter’s bedroom windows.

Sex before marriage maybe forbidden by various religious groups. So is theft. But world crime rates are quite high regardless. Likewise being gay is forbidden by some but there are still lots of gay people within these religions.

PiIIock · 31/12/2023 20:40

People may have historically always had sex outside of marriage, but it's unlikely they would have been 'experienced' anyhow.

iamenough2023 · 31/12/2023 20:42

While I agree that this may be due to inexperience, immaturity and perhaps eagerness in the OPs case, PE can be a serious issue and absolutely affects mature men as well. My exh was in his thirties when I noticed this and had it until well in his fifties. Soon he also developed ED as well.

OP I am sure that this is a case of lack of experience, immaturity and excitement on your husbands part. However, this is not what sex should look like in a loving relationship. While it is true that many women do not experience orgasm during intercourse, do not get discouraged.

Have fun exploring!

pinkyredrose · 01/01/2024 12:06

If you went back about 2 or 3 generations in the UK, sex before marriage would be quite unusual, so quite recent history

2 or 3 generations?! LMAO 😂

Original poster
Appelea · 01/01/2024 17:57

Hi @Faceache45 , what medical issues are you thinking it could be a symptom of?

OP posts:
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