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Original poster

Sex with new husband - is this common?

142 replies

Appelea · 31/12/2023 12:54

Hello. I had a question I was hoping to get some perspective on. I haven't been married to my husband for too long. I was quite sexually inexperienced when we married.

I don't climax when we have sex. When he is ready, he enters me for about 2 seconds before he finishes. Before that, there is not really any touching on his part.

Is this common? I find it all quite disappointing.

Sorry if this is too much info for this thread .

OP posts:
harerunner · 31/12/2023 16:54

Well, looking on the bright side, at least it seems unlikely that the OP's DH is a porn addict😂

BIossomtoes · 31/12/2023 17:01

Premature ejaculation typically affects young, inexperienced men @oakleaffy.

category12 · 31/12/2023 17:08

You need to talk to him about foreplay and a bit more effort really .

Also, if he has orgasmed too quickly, it doesn't have to be the end of sex - if he's young, he should have a reasonably short refractory period and in the meantime, he could spend some time on pleasing you. Then once he's hard again, he should last longer for intercourse.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 31/12/2023 17:19

Common? No. Lazy and selfish, yes.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/12/2023 17:24

After a short period of time, your dh can have sex again and probably last longer. I had sex a few times with a man, who lasted seconds. It was dire. Idk why I went back for more as he should have known better / done something about it. He was experienced, had kids etc. Your dh otoh may need some help to point him in the right direction.

DrySherry · 31/12/2023 17:25

It's complimentary in a way that he finds you so exciting that its finished so quickly. There's nothing worse than the opposite of this - someone who bangs away for ages and still ends up needing to do a hand finish !
Sounds to me like you both just need to experiment and understand each other better. Otherwise once he gets a bit bored of you the opposite becomes just as much of a disappointment.

harerunner · 31/12/2023 17:37

DrySherry · 31/12/2023 17:25

It's complimentary in a way that he finds you so exciting that its finished so quickly. There's nothing worse than the opposite of this - someone who bangs away for ages and still ends up needing to do a hand finish !
Sounds to me like you both just need to experiment and understand each other better. Otherwise once he gets a bit bored of you the opposite becomes just as much of a disappointment.

Erm, really?! I'd say finishing in 2 seconds is far, far worse than a long, steamy sex session but where ultimately he ends up finishing outside... In the first scenario you've barely had sex at all! In the second you've had a satisfying session with hopefully one or more orgasms!

Obviously if it's 30 minutes+ of repetitive, uniform grunting and thrusting - no change of position or tempo, that's not good, and I can see a 2 second moment being preferable!

BIossomtoes · 31/12/2023 17:39

I had a 30 minuter once. I used to have to ask him to crack on in the end. It’s miserable being sore and bored.

RainyDaysSundays · 31/12/2023 17:47

He needs to see his GP. PE can be a sign of other medical issues.

@Faceache45 Is there a chance you're mixing up premature ejac (PE) and erectile dysfunction (ED)?

ED can be a sign of heart disease or diabetes in some men.

PE is not a sign of anything, other than usually inexperience. It's not a medical condition, purely a sign that the man hasn't learned to control his orgasms and delay them.

Poor guy-please don't suggest he sees a GP as he's probably terrified of sex as it is and doesn't really know what's what.

Verbena17 · 31/12/2023 17:47

I think you should focus on not having sex to begin with - focus on everything else (obviously telling him beforehand) but not penetrative sex.

That way, he can’t simply take 2 secs and he’s done.
Maybe check out some websites if you’re both inexperienced (Cosmopolitan Magazine website for example).

fetchacloth · 31/12/2023 17:50

RowanMayfair · 31/12/2023 13:54

No, that's not good sex. He should be focusing on your pleasure before he enters you. He also should work on techniques to last longer. Can you discuss it with him?

That's correct really.
I'm assuming that neither of you has previous experience of sex before so it's a learning process for you both.
Someone mentioned further upthread about 'The Joy of Sex' which is excellent reading. I read this myself long before I got married and found it helpful, but I did have the advantage of sex before marriage also.
Good luck 💐

AcrossthePond55 · 31/12/2023 17:55

I agree with a PP above. Get a copy of The Joy of Sex. It is written in layman's terms with simple 'line drawings' for illustration. It's rather like a manual for a car. You and your DH should read it together, take your time trying things out and learn what pleases both of you. There's nothing 'pornographic' about it nor does it contain 'kinks' if that is of concern to you.

One area of concern for me is whether or not your new DH will be willing to change the way he approaches sex. If he is not willing to learn how to please you and to 'slow it down', or if it turns out that he has a 'problem' such as premature ejaculation and refuses to seek treatment, then you have a huge problem. Whatever you do, do NOT settle for a less than satisfactory sex life. A good marriage includes the joyful coming together and the mutual pleasure a good sex life gives.

StarlightLady · 31/12/2023 17:58

No, it’s not normal. I’m afraid that neither is it normal to marry someone when you are sexually inexperienced.

BIossomtoes · 31/12/2023 17:59

StarlightLady · 31/12/2023 17:58

No, it’s not normal. I’m afraid that neither is it normal to marry someone when you are sexually inexperienced.

Helpful. 🙄

horseyhorsey17 · 31/12/2023 17:59

StarlightLady · 31/12/2023 17:58

No, it’s not normal. I’m afraid that neither is it normal to marry someone when you are sexually inexperienced.

Yes it is, in lots of cultures.

369damnshesfine · 31/12/2023 18:00

Before that, there is not really any touching on his part.

No this is not normal!

He may not be able to help finishing so quickly but that does not mean he shouldn’t touch you before and after.

He should be touching you more and making sure you’re completely satisfied before even entering you.

I was with a man who finished quickly (not as quick as that) and it was amazing because he’d spend so much time making sure I was extremely satisfied in every other way first and it was mostly him pleasuring me because if I pleasured him it would finish too early which he didn’t want.

You need to take control a bit more and say what you want or put his hands where you want them.

I assume he’s pretty inexperienced too?

Faceache45 · 31/12/2023 18:00

RainyDaysSundays · 31/12/2023 17:47

He needs to see his GP. PE can be a sign of other medical issues.

@Faceache45 Is there a chance you're mixing up premature ejac (PE) and erectile dysfunction (ED)?

ED can be a sign of heart disease or diabetes in some men.

PE is not a sign of anything, other than usually inexperience. It's not a medical condition, purely a sign that the man hasn't learned to control his orgasms and delay them.

Poor guy-please don't suggest he sees a GP as he's probably terrified of sex as it is and doesn't really know what's what.

It can be a sign of thyroid or prostrate problems. It's worth investigating.

Staniam · 31/12/2023 18:13

Sadly what you have here, OP, is a completely selfish premature ejaculator😐

donquixotedelamancha · 31/12/2023 18:13

When he is ready, he enters me for about 2 seconds before he finishes. Before that, there is not really any touching on his part.

  1. He shouldn't be entering until you are ready. That means lots of touching with fingers and tongue.
  1. As soon as he's in there start whispering 'Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day' in his ear to help him contain his arousal until you've finished.
  1. If 2 doesn't work tell him to crack on again with fingers and tongue.
  1. More permanently- send him to the doctors to sort the issue.
BrimfulOfMash · 31/12/2023 18:15

OP, do you know where your clitoris is, and how it feels?

Sorry if I am overestimating your degree of inexperience but I hope this might help.

Buy some lube, e.g KY jelly. If you feel shy get it from a big supermarket and put it through the self service till.

Put some on your fingers and find your clit. Touch it in a way that feels really nice. Experiment with hard and soft touch, fast and slow touch.

After a bit put a finger inside yourself. See how wet you are!

Get comfortable with this over a few sessions, see if you can orgasm.

I am presuming your DH is also v inexperienced.

Once you are familiar with touching yourself and know what feels nice, try initiating sex.

Kiss your DH, say “I would like to try this “. Take his hand and put it on your clit. Move his hand in a way that lets him know what feels nice. Tell him it feels good. Tell him that this time you will tell him when to come into you.

It will be much better for him if he feels you are enjoying it.

Take it from there!

No reason why you or your DH would be getting it the best it can be to begin with if you are both inexperienced.

Good luck OP.

StarlightLady · 31/12/2023 18:16

BIossomtoes · 31/12/2023 17:59

Helpful. 🙄

Show quote history

I know, it’s not helpful at all and I’m very sorry about that. But l don’t know how a person can help in this situation.

As for “some cultures” mentioned elsewhere, the reality is often different from how it is perceived. Discretion often plays a big part.

DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed · 31/12/2023 18:17

@donquixotedelamancha Margaret Thatcher 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm here to agree with others @Appelea .
If you are both inexperienced The Joy of Sex is a good way to go.
As is not broaching the subject during sex.
People can be inexperienced for a lot of reasons, not just religion.

acpk55 · 31/12/2023 18:19

StarlightLady · 31/12/2023 17:58

No, it’s not normal. I’m afraid that neither is it normal to marry someone when you are sexually inexperienced.

Quite possibly the most stupid and crass comment on this thread,
it’s really common in lots of cultures, including this country until fairly recent times

TooOldForThisNonsense · 31/12/2023 18:21

Did you not have sex with him before you were married?

no, it’s not normal or common to have to put up with a shite sex life

Universalsnail · 31/12/2023 18:22

Hi no this absolutely is not normal. Your husband sounds absolutely sexually selfish.

Is he really inexperienced? Have you like saved sex for marriage or something?

I think you need to talk to him. He needs to learn. He needs to touch you and make you feel good and like look at ways to stop prematurely ejaculation, penetration should last more then 2 seconds.

The book She comes first might be a good one for him.

We have a general rule that I have to orgasm first atleast once before he can (and if he accidentally does before me then he always finishes the job 😅).

Hopefully he'll be willing to learn. If not please reconsider this relationship. Life is too short for sex this terrible.