Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not sure what this is

145 replies

Rainorshine09 · 28/12/2023 04:18

So my partner has a motorbike day tomorrow with friends. He's been looking forward to it, it's an early start for him so both went to bed around 10pm

Both got woken up my out teenage children just accidentally as they went to bathroom. He spoke a few words to me and about 20 mins later I asked him weather he had told kids to go to sleep.

He got in a massive hump raising his voice and told me why am I keeping him up and I'm moving around so much in my sleep.

He tells me to go to sleep on sofa, I went in lounge watched TV for an hour then went back quitely to bedroom as I'd forgotten my pillow. He wakes up as soon as I open the door. He was fuming.

He has since stormed into lounge turning lights on, took my blanket off me and out of the room
Telling me I've kept him awake and ruined his day. It's now 4am and every time I turn the light off within a minute he's back turning it on so I can't sleep. I went and got a spare blanket which he's taken too. I'm now laying here with no blanket and light on.
What is this behaviour? He can be short tempered and childish but never like this

OP posts:
AntiHop · 28/12/2023 04:22

There's no justification for his behaviour. He sounds like a bully.

Vegandiva · 28/12/2023 04:27

He sounds batshit, I would be seriously reconsidering the relationship if I were you. How is what he is doing now helping him sleep exactly?

BigButtons · 28/12/2023 04:30

That behaviour is outrageous. It is abusive. Why are you with him? What other nasty stuff does he do on a daily basis?

Original poster
Rainorshine09 · 28/12/2023 04:37

I'm completely in shock, he is not staying another night here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainorshine09 · 28/12/2023 04:37

He's just come to take my phone but I got it back, I took the light bulb out the light and when he realised he opened the curtains all the windows and put the TV on

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainorshine09 · 28/12/2023 04:39

He can be really childish at times but had never taken it this far. God knows what the kids are thinking if he's woke them

OP posts:
Singlepringle1980 · 28/12/2023 04:41

This is the behaviour of someone you need to end a relationship with. Please tell him to get on his motorbike right now and not to bother coming back. What would you call it if someone treated your children like this? I’m sure you’d recognise it as mentally abusive then.

Original poster
Rainorshine09 · 28/12/2023 04:44

I agree and just so shocked, I've never seen him behave this badly but it's not something I can forgive. I've know in 10 years, lived together for 1 and have noticed he is immature and has slight anger issues but nothing like this at all

OP posts:
Vegandiva · 28/12/2023 05:21

Taking the lightbulb out was a good one, but I think the best thing to do is wait it out because if he doesn’t get a reaction from you he will hopefully just go back to sleep once he thinks he’s got his way. Otherwise I could see him getting violent.

I’m really sorry this has happened to you Flowers. I am really glad to hear you are going to end it with him. Can you change the locks while he is out motorbiking?

Quitelikeit · 28/12/2023 05:25

This is abusive behaviour and quite scary. What could he be capable of next?

I would not allow this man around my kids - they must be terrified of him

No man would leave his gf cold and use torture techniques to keep her awake through the night

HollyBollyBooBoo · 28/12/2023 05:28

Wow, he has got serious issues. That's the end of that relationship.

ThesecondLEM · 28/12/2023 05:39

This sounds terrifying. Is he quite well?

hoobanoobie · 28/12/2023 05:54

For fucks sake! Right, fill your biggest pan with cold water, put it on the floor close to you and turn the light off. Unplug the tv. Hide the remote. If he dares come in to turn the light off, wait two minutes and then throw the fucking lot all over him in bed. At this point the fucker should be sleeping in the garden. You can't have your phone or blanket, he's developed a fucking campaign against you being able to sleep - he doesn't get to be dry. You are not some fucking target to be punished according to him. I'd be wielding a frying pan and dragging your blanket plus duvet off him and telling him if he didn't like it, to get the fuck out of your bed.

Incognitoergosumlol · 28/12/2023 05:56

He sounds worryingly unstable and who knows how his behaviour could escalate. I would firmly end this but be prepared for further batshit episodes. Not sure what your housing situation is but I'd be using free time on an eviction/escape plan....

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/12/2023 06:00

He sounds unhinged. I wouldn't be throwing any thing at him as a previous poster said as I think it could really backfire on you. when he goes off tomorrow though, I would pack up his things. I assume he moved in with you?

Olika · 28/12/2023 07:37

He sounds unstable. Please get rid of him asap.

justchristmas · 28/12/2023 09:28

Olika · 28/12/2023 07:37

He sounds unstable. Please get rid of him asap.

This!!!

NoraLuka · 28/12/2023 09:31

He sounds crazy, can you make him leave? I wouldn’t even feel safe with someone like him around tbh.

Original poster
Rainorshine09 · 28/12/2023 09:56

I've told him to leave this morning. He is very sorry. Obviously doesn't change anything. Is it excusable if someone has never acted this way before? It's my flat and he is moving out but I'm thinking of our relationship going forward. I definitely don't want him to live here but as for the relationship I don't know

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 28/12/2023 10:01

He’s shown you a little taste of what your life will be like if you stay with him. It will only escalate.
He’s evil and abusive. Why would you want to remain in a relationship with someone who tried to torture you all night?

what do you wish to get out of a relationship with a highly abusive man?

every abuser begins with a first time. And as first attempts at abuse go his sound terrifying and klaxon going off showing you a tiny glimpse of the abuse he will mete out if he gets a chance.

you want to stay in a relationship with him? What do expect from a relationship?

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 28/12/2023 10:02

He's a psycho

Christmasmug · 28/12/2023 10:06

If he's saying sorry has he given you any sort of explanation of what the fuck he thought he was doing OP? Not that anything would justify his behaviour, deliberately preventing your sleep is about as fucked up as it gets tbh. As for your relationship I think you will struggle to ever trust someone who's capable of this level of cruelty, and rightly so.

ZekeZeke · 28/12/2023 10:10

This is your home and he carried on and abused you in YOUR home, yet you are considering maintaining a relationship with him? Are you that desperate?

LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 28/12/2023 10:11

I’m with @frazzledasarock, this is when the abuse begins to creep in. You may excuse it because he’s tired etc but if you allow this, it sets a base level for what he thinks you will tolerate. Protect yourself and your children, it’s one thing to be cross at being woken but what he did was sustained and intentional abuse in retaliation. Fucked up

LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 28/12/2023 10:11

Also, telling you to sleep on the sofa in your own home?! What a prick