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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Got a feeling he’s going to end things…am I being crazy?

231 replies

ColdAsIcepoles · 25/12/2023 20:04

I’ve been seeing someone for eight months and thought it was going well. A few days ago we went to an adult panto together and he met my friends and family and I his. It was lovely. We are both 29. He even made a joke about our wedding day when we were at panto which is why I’m now confused/

We usually message throughout the day on WhatsApp. It’s how we communicate the most. I last saw him on the 23rd in person and he hasn’t replied since then but has been on WhatsApp loads. I’ve sent him Merry Christmas today and had zero reply but he’s been on instagram posting his Christmas and has been on WhatsApp a lot. (I stupidly keep checking if he’s replied and it’s always he was online 20 mins ago for example)

I know I’m going to sound a psycho but I have a gut feeling he might be messaging someone else. I don’t know why even, there’s zero evidence of this- it’s just the past week or so, he’s been on WhatsApp a lot especially in the early mornings when he didn’t use to. I know I sound crazy.

I even messaged him earlier and said “Did you like the present I got you?” And nothing. I’m not going to message again, but it’s making me feel a little down! I don’t expect him to drop his festivities to pander to me of course- just a reply would be nice😂

OP posts:
AlinaSquareQueen · 27/12/2023 10:17

SamW98 · 26/12/2023 22:55

Don’t boost his ego by messaging him again. It won’t shame him or let him know he’s in the wrong, it’ll just give him the chance to either ghost you or come up with a BS excuse. Don’t give him the satisfaction of thinking you’re in the slightest bit bothered.

It’s a shame after 8 months but he’s shown exactly what his priorities are. For whatever reason, he’s pulled back - I doubt he’ll tell you truth even if you ask so don’t waste another minute on him. Let him crack on

THIS is the best advice.

If it were my own DD, this is exactly what she would do - NO message, NO nothing.

He will be waiting for you to get in touch, and he’ll be pissed off when you don’t. As the OP rightly says, who needs to play these pathetic mind games.

You are well rid of this immature arsehole who thinks he can treat you like crap.

JadziaD · 27/12/2023 10:24

I think it's good you've realised he's being a wanker. But I don't think you should just let it fizzle out. I'd send him a final message saying that really, if he wants to end things, just end it. That no acknowledgement of Christmas or the present you bought him is just shit and what a loser.

I can only assume that for whatever reason, post meeting his family, he's decided you are not the one. wanker.

taylorswift1989 · 27/12/2023 10:27

AlinaSquareQueen · 27/12/2023 10:17

THIS is the best advice.

If it were my own DD, this is exactly what she would do - NO message, NO nothing.

He will be waiting for you to get in touch, and he’ll be pissed off when you don’t. As the OP rightly says, who needs to play these pathetic mind games.

You are well rid of this immature arsehole who thinks he can treat you like crap.

Show quote history

Definitely don't message him again. It doesn't matter what the content of the message is, it will give him satisfaction to get your energy directed his way.

Just totally ghost him. He doesn't deserve any more of your time or effort.

Muchof · 27/12/2023 10:30

I can see the argument for not letting him off the hook, you deserve a response and you deserve better after eight months. But it won’t guilt him or shame him, he won’t care and when this is properly behind you, I suspect you will wish you had just left it. So if you can, I would try to exist sending any response, but equally don’t feel like you shouldn’t.

Usernamechange1234 · 27/12/2023 10:46

Jeez, absolutely don’t message him again. I had this a couple of times when dating. Refused to give them any ego kibbles by contacting them. Just left their sorry arses to it! BUT without fail I got my ‘revenge’ as invariably they contacted when lonely and (let’s face it) drunk and I was able to tell them where to go!

I can’t stomach pathetic men like this! You’ve had a lucky escape!

NorseKiwi · 27/12/2023 10:47

I agree don't give him the satisfaction of messaging again. I've had guys ghost me and I just block them and move on. I reckon it drives them crazy that you didn't get in touch either.

If someone gets out of their pattern of messaging and cant be bothered to get in touch, you already have your answer.

CandyLeBonBon · 27/12/2023 10:57

JadziaD · 27/12/2023 10:24

I think it's good you've realised he's being a wanker. But I don't think you should just let it fizzle out. I'd send him a final message saying that really, if he wants to end things, just end it. That no acknowledgement of Christmas or the present you bought him is just shit and what a loser.

I can only assume that for whatever reason, post meeting his family, he's decided you are not the one. wanker.

Please don't message him. As pphave said, there's power in silence.

He's shown you who he is. Walk away with dignity.

BethDuttonsTwin · 27/12/2023 11:18

OP be prepared for him to show up in a week or two pretending nothing happened and that you’re overreacting to his behaviour. I suspect he’s got caught up in Christmas Partying with friends and didn’t want the encumbrance of a girlfriend. In the post Christmas/New Year come down it’s likely he will feel regretful and try to come back. DON’T LET HIM!

bloodyeffinnora · 27/12/2023 11:19

Easipeelerie · 26/12/2023 23:01

I’d just block him now and get on with life.

me too

schmuzz · 27/12/2023 11:30

He's seeing how much shit you'll put up with moving forward. Don't reply to him at all. Block the prick.

Lemonfoxtrot · 27/12/2023 12:11

ColdAsIcepoles · 26/12/2023 20:34

Thanks all- So he responded this morning to my last message which was did you like your Christmas present and he put

“Yeah good thanks” and nothing else. I haven’t bothered responding and don’t think I will! I just feel soooo disappointed as he was so decent up to now!

He did get me a Christmas present and it was theatre tickets for us in January which I have on my email as he sent them a few days ago

Really sorry to hear this. What a pathetic twat he is. ‘good, thanks’ after a week is a ridiculous response to your steady gf.

i think I’m quite a bit older than you OP - I remember having boyfriends who did this kind of thing ( being ghosted before ghosting was a thing)

it’s always about them and nothing about you. I’ve got the benefit of seeing how it has turned out for these guys- they’re all single, grumpy middle aged men now who churned through a lot of relationships.

Am going to come out with all the cliches on this post, but at least you know now, and he hasn’t pulled this stunt after you moved in together/ got engaged ( it happens). And now you’re free to meet someone who cares about you and treats you properly

Fannyfiggs · 27/12/2023 12:45

Or you could send him a text by 'accident' as though you were replying to a friend, such as...

'Haha yeah I know. He's just replied saying 'yeah good thanks'. Cheeky bastard. I suppose it saves me finishing it in the New Year. I thought I was gonna have to buy him a map so he could find my clitoris 😂'

EllieBellieSmellie1 · 27/12/2023 12:52

I feel, quite strongly, this is nothing to do with you. You (and this isn't meant cruelly) are irrelevant. He would've done this to any girl once they hit a certain point. The issues here all lie with him.

I would contact him, but this is, I acknowledge, terrible advice. I just couldn't let such dickhead behaviour rest.

category12 · 27/12/2023 12:57

I would contact him, but this is, I acknowledge, terrible advice. I just couldn't let such dickhead behaviour rest.

😂It's tempting, but he'd likely come up with some bonkers burntouted-style version of events to turn it round on OP. I think dignified silence is the most satisfactory response.

Goingtothinkofone · 27/12/2023 14:07

category12 · 27/12/2023 12:57

I would contact him, but this is, I acknowledge, terrible advice. I just couldn't let such dickhead behaviour rest.

😂It's tempting, but he'd likely come up with some bonkers burntouted-style version of events to turn it round on OP. I think dignified silence is the most satisfactory response.

Yeah or give him ammunition to persuade himself or tell others that her behaviour is somehow the problem, ie: she’s too much, she’s unhinged. These types of guys always want to blame the woman for their crap behaviour. Dignified detachment is the only solution for maintaining the upper hand

TheAverageJoanne · 27/12/2023 14:10

No I wouldn't contact him again and if he comes back and asks why you can just say you forgot all about him and he wasn't relevant.

Jennyjojo5 · 27/12/2023 14:21

some of you are on here are gas lighting this poor OP! Women aren’t stupid.. we can tell when a guy we are dating has a shift in their energy and we are more often than not correct in our assumptions!

his communication style has changed from what it has been in this established relationship. Nobody is too busy over Xmas to drop a quick text to their other half. It’s not suffocating, it’s not ‘not giving him space’, it’s a change in the guys energy when they are going off the boil

OP, hard as it may be, don’t give this guy any more attention. Hes lost the opportunity with you with his rude behavior and there should be no coming back from this at this early stage of a relationship

taylorswift1989 · 27/12/2023 15:28

Fannyfiggs · 27/12/2023 12:45

Or you could send him a text by 'accident' as though you were replying to a friend, such as...

'Haha yeah I know. He's just replied saying 'yeah good thanks'. Cheeky bastard. I suppose it saves me finishing it in the New Year. I thought I was gonna have to buy him a map so he could find my clitoris 😂'

Please don't do this.

No one should ever do this.

It's always completely obvious that it's not a genuine error, and it makes you look childish and desperate for attention.

Catandsquirrel · 27/12/2023 15:54

What odd replies. It isn't cyber stalking to expect a text from your boyfriend on Christmas day.

He's cooled right off. Doesn't really matter why. Please don't send a pretend message from a friend. Hang fire, then square things away in a day or so if you don't hear anything further.

'I've not heard much from you over Christmas so am going to assume you're looking to leave things here. You could have just said you'd lost interest but either way, thanks for the theatre tickets and all the best in the new year'.

BalletBob · 27/12/2023 15:57

Fannyfiggs · 27/12/2023 12:45

Or you could send him a text by 'accident' as though you were replying to a friend, such as...

'Haha yeah I know. He's just replied saying 'yeah good thanks'. Cheeky bastard. I suppose it saves me finishing it in the New Year. I thought I was gonna have to buy him a map so he could find my clitoris 😂'

Definitely don't do this 😬 It's extremely transparent and just looks really desperate.

Mammyloveswine · 27/12/2023 16:07

What a prick op!!!!

Sorry you've bet treated like this.

Fannyfiggs · 27/12/2023 16:11

taylorswift1989 · 27/12/2023 15:28

Please don't do this.

No one should ever do this.

It's always completely obvious that it's not a genuine error, and it makes you look childish and desperate for attention.

Show quote history

I should have said that my post is for entertainment purposes only.

I forgot mumsnet takes everything so seriously 😁

ScribblingPixie · 27/12/2023 16:13

Terrible behaviour. Take no notice of anyone who says it isn't, OP. It sounds as if he has met someone else or gone off your relationship for some reason. Cowardly way to deal with it though, especially over Christmas. I'd be letting him know that I'm shocked and disappointed to discover this side of him and then block him totally. Just not good enough.

taylorswift1989 · 27/12/2023 16:37

Fannyfiggs · 27/12/2023 16:11

I should have said that my post is for entertainment purposes only.

I forgot mumsnet takes everything so seriously 😁

Show quote history

Yes, you should have said if it was meant as a joke.

Fannyfiggs · 27/12/2023 16:44

taylorswift1989 · 27/12/2023 16:37

Yes, you should have said if it was meant as a joke.

Show quote history

I know, that's what I said 😉