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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Got a feeling he’s going to end things…am I being crazy?

231 replies

ColdAsIcepoles · 25/12/2023 20:04

I’ve been seeing someone for eight months and thought it was going well. A few days ago we went to an adult panto together and he met my friends and family and I his. It was lovely. We are both 29. He even made a joke about our wedding day when we were at panto which is why I’m now confused/

We usually message throughout the day on WhatsApp. It’s how we communicate the most. I last saw him on the 23rd in person and he hasn’t replied since then but has been on WhatsApp loads. I’ve sent him Merry Christmas today and had zero reply but he’s been on instagram posting his Christmas and has been on WhatsApp a lot. (I stupidly keep checking if he’s replied and it’s always he was online 20 mins ago for example)

I know I’m going to sound a psycho but I have a gut feeling he might be messaging someone else. I don’t know why even, there’s zero evidence of this- it’s just the past week or so, he’s been on WhatsApp a lot especially in the early mornings when he didn’t use to. I know I sound crazy.

I even messaged him earlier and said “Did you like the present I got you?” And nothing. I’m not going to message again, but it’s making me feel a little down! I don’t expect him to drop his festivities to pander to me of course- just a reply would be nice😂

OP posts:
ThisIsntThe80sPat · 26/12/2023 22:22

I'm sorry, op. I can't understand why someone would do this. Theatre tickets, wedding day jokes, meeting families, then just nothing. It's strange behaviour and he's horrible no matter how you look at it.
Did you get on with his family ok?

Sorry he turned out to be such a prick.

Original poster
ColdAsIcepoles · 26/12/2023 22:37

Yes, so the meeting family was led by him. He said we should meet his mum and dad in the pub after panto which we did. we then stopped in at my mums on the way home and it was fine. It was nice even id say.

I just don’t understand. It’s like he has had a personality transplant but again there’s been more stuff on his social media today so he’s having a good time. He used to initiate a lot of our conversations and would always be messaging through the day lots.

I am sad and a bit disappointed but I cannot be bothered with mind games which these are, so I won’t be replying even if he did come back. I’ll take my mum or best friend in January I think, although he will also have a copy of the tickets so I’m hoping he doesn’t turn up too!

OP posts:
category12 · 26/12/2023 22:42

ColdAsIcepoles · 26/12/2023 22:37

Yes, so the meeting family was led by him. He said we should meet his mum and dad in the pub after panto which we did. we then stopped in at my mums on the way home and it was fine. It was nice even id say.

I just don’t understand. It’s like he has had a personality transplant but again there’s been more stuff on his social media today so he’s having a good time. He used to initiate a lot of our conversations and would always be messaging through the day lots.

I am sad and a bit disappointed but I cannot be bothered with mind games which these are, so I won’t be replying even if he did come back. I’ll take my mum or best friend in January I think, although he will also have a copy of the tickets so I’m hoping he doesn’t turn up too!

Get there early.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/12/2023 22:48

I think I would message saying 'are you ok you've been really quiet?' If he is trying to slow fade or ghost you shouldn't let him off the hook this easily and you should show him he's not being normal.
He'll either - explode that you're being needy (in which case dump him)

  • Apologize and then call you and then listen to you explain how it made you feel and commit to not doing it again (don't hold your breath for this but if he's a decent guy with poor manners then this is what he'll do)
  • say 'yeah all fine' and then continue being slow and non communicative. If so then I would tell him that you like relationships with more communication so you're going to be single and dating other people in the new year but best of luck to him (it's stating your boundary and standards to him rather than criticism of him - it's very attractive and if anything will get him back it's this, if you think he's worth having back which I doubt he is)
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/12/2023 22:49

Ps making future plans can scare off men even if they make them. My ex asked me to have his baby proposed to me while 30 weeks pregnant and then picked a fight and left me at 34 weeks. True story.

BalletBob · 26/12/2023 22:50

What an absolute bastard. 8 months is a long time to be such a twat about ending things.

Don't pay any heed to that weird poster who kept accusing you of being a cyber stalker 🙄 You can walk away with your head held high, knowing that you have behaved and communicated and reacted in a very normal, very appropriate way. Easier said than done but try not to waste much time mourning this relationship. Definitely don't give him the ego boost of making further contact. Just block and delete. He has proven himself to be a low quality man who was never worthy of you in the first place. This is an immature and cruel way to treat someone. Thank your lucky stars you found out now and not in a year or two or after you made a commitment to him.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 26/12/2023 22:51

I'd definitely message and ask what's going on. Why should you wait on tenterhooks to see if he will message or not?

Just say you don't like these mind games and his behaviour is really out of character, if he's not that into you anymore then at least have the decency to let you know, especially after 8 months?

I'd just say you don't have time or energy for this sort of behaviour and just call it a day!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/12/2023 22:52

BalletBob · 26/12/2023 22:50

What an absolute bastard. 8 months is a long time to be such a twat about ending things.

Don't pay any heed to that weird poster who kept accusing you of being a cyber stalker 🙄 You can walk away with your head held high, knowing that you have behaved and communicated and reacted in a very normal, very appropriate way. Easier said than done but try not to waste much time mourning this relationship. Definitely don't give him the ego boost of making further contact. Just block and delete. He has proven himself to be a low quality man who was never worthy of you in the first place. This is an immature and cruel way to treat someone. Thank your lucky stars you found out now and not in a year or two or after you made a commitment to him.

I agree with you, except I don't think he should be let off the hook this easily I want him to feel sheepish and uncomfortable (even better guilty but he probably won't) and not feel that this is a behaviour that works.

Avacardo2023 · 26/12/2023 22:55

I would call up the theatre and get the tickets changed to a much closer date, so if he does turn up it will be tough shit as the tickets won't scan.

SamW98 · 26/12/2023 22:55

Don’t boost his ego by messaging him again. It won’t shame him or let him know he’s in the wrong, it’ll just give him the chance to either ghost you or come up with a BS excuse. Don’t give him the satisfaction of thinking you’re in the slightest bit bothered.

It’s a shame after 8 months but he’s shown exactly what his priorities are. For whatever reason, he’s pulled back - I doubt he’ll tell you truth even if you ask so don’t waste another minute on him. Let him crack on

SamW98 · 26/12/2023 22:57

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/12/2023 22:52

I agree with you, except I don't think he should be let off the hook this easily I want him to feel sheepish and uncomfortable (even better guilty but he probably won't) and not feel that this is a behaviour that works.

Show quote history

He won’t feel any of those things. It’ll just be an ego boost and an opportunity to come up with a BS excuse. Best response from OP is no response.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/12/2023 22:59

@SamW98 but I don't think you can pretend not to be bothered after 8 months . It is weird behaviour. It's ok to pick up on it. Not in a 'I'm heartbroken' but in a 'you're a rude baby' way

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/12/2023 23:00

Op what woukd give you more peace- to just block or to say your bit? Hes a weirdo either way unfortunately

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/12/2023 23:00

Avacardo2023 · 26/12/2023 22:55

I would call up the theatre and get the tickets changed to a much closer date, so if he does turn up it will be tough shit as the tickets won't scan.

He definitely won't be brave enough to show up

Easipeelerie · 26/12/2023 23:01

I’d just block him now and get on with life.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/12/2023 23:04

What an absolute weirdo!

SamW98 · 26/12/2023 23:04

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/12/2023 22:59

@SamW98 but I don't think you can pretend not to be bothered after 8 months . It is weird behaviour. It's ok to pick up on it. Not in a 'I'm heartbroken' but in a 'you're a rude baby' way

We’ll have to agree to disagree on this one. I think no response is the way forward but ultimately it’s the OP's decision.
Personally I wouldn’t give him the opportunity to come up with a BS excuse or chance to plead. I’d rather shut the door and move on.

TheAverageJoanne · 26/12/2023 23:15

Get rid of this Scrooge fast. What a mean selfish and childish person he is. Bah humbug.

excelledyourself · 26/12/2023 23:19

I imagine you can expect some "Hey, sorry not been in touch much, but (insert bullshit scenario here)" text in the not too distant future.

At which point I would make it clear that, as far as you're concerned, things are already over. No drama, no emotions. Just that you clearly have different expectations/understanding of your relationship and aren't compatible, but wish him well.

Sorry, OP. He's been really shit to you Flowers

taylorswift1989 · 26/12/2023 23:24

Yeah, don't message him again. Don't give him any more of your energy.

coxesorangepippin · 26/12/2023 23:27

So what was the point in yesterday?

Meeting the family?!

EveryOtherNameTaken · 26/12/2023 23:46

Nobody doesn't have enough time to wish Merry Christmas. OP said he's been online.

He's a dick.

Sorry OP I think he's ghosting you.

AndOnAndOn1000 · 27/12/2023 00:02

He’s either twisted or a coward, could even be both.

Whatever he is, you’ve actually had a very lucky escape 💐

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 27/12/2023 00:05

He’s messing you around. Your first Xmas together and you don’t get merry Christmas or a reply to a message and that message he sent back “eventually “ was like talking to the man who runs the local shop or the taxi driver making small talk.
He has sent you a message loud and clear. .
He may think he can pick you up again after the festive fun but don’t be having any of it.
Wether it’s a female or just being a single person over the festives he’s shown you that you don’t matter and there are more important things he would rather be doing .

Don’t waste anymore time .
Block and delete.

Didimum · 27/12/2023 09:15

justanothermanicmonday1 · 26/12/2023 22:51

I'd definitely message and ask what's going on. Why should you wait on tenterhooks to see if he will message or not?

Just say you don't like these mind games and his behaviour is really out of character, if he's not that into you anymore then at least have the decency to let you know, especially after 8 months?

I'd just say you don't have time or energy for this sort of behaviour and just call it a day!

This, absolutely.

I’m not understanding why you can’t communicate your feelings?